"Giggles And Candy"
I kept checking back over the next few hours to see the numbers on Jesse's Youtube Channel. I don't know why I had suddenly become so obsessed with something as trivial as subscriber numbers...but I couldn't help but to wonder what kind of effect Jimmy's big announcement had on Jesse's account. Would it be a little increase in traffic? Would it be this MASSIVE rush of brand new fans? Who's to say, you know?
Would it lead to Jesse being even more famous than he is right now? Taking selfie pics with his shirt off and sending out random tweets to entice and arouse his growing fanbase? Or would he still be the slightly bashful and super sweet Jesse that I had grown to know and love so completely?
It was a question that began to bug me, more and more, as I kept going back to his channel, seeing the subscriber number going up every hour. People were subscribing like crazy now! Jesse-101 might have been a celebrity to me and my friends, but having Jimmy Jukebox spread the word about who he was and what he was doing had suddenly added a whole new level to his online popularity. In fact, I was pretty sure that Jesse was going to surpass 2000 subscribers by the time I went to bed. And, while I wish that I could be infinitely happy for him...I wasn't.
I tried...but I just couldn't do it.
The more other people latch on to Jesse and demand his attention...the easier it was going to before me to ultimately lose the most incredible boy that I've ever met to a relentless crowd of admirers and daily ego strokes from boys who absolutely worship Jesse with an obsession that matches, or maybe even exceeds my own. I mean, how can that NOT worry me on some level? I would be insane to think that Jesse would choose me over some super hot, celebrity, popstar or actor or something if given the chance to be with one of them instead of me. What do I do then?
I just found it hard to sleep that night. Especially when I woke up at 2 AM and looked back at Jesse's Youtube channel to see his number at...2012...
He did it. He actually achieved a milestone online...and went beyond it.
I think what bugged me even more was the fact that he had already posted a huge thank you notice about it online. He was awake when it happened, and just...Jimmy Jukebox made his dream come true. I guess I missed being a part of his special moment.
He posted a message to say, "OMIGOD!!! We DID it, you guys!!! We made it to 2000 subscribers tonight! And I feel like I can't stop dancing right now! LOL! Thank you sooooo much for all of your love and support! You have no idea how much all of this means to me right now! The ONLY reward that we get from doing all of this is your interaction and your comments on our videos! Without that...I doubt I'd have any reason to keep doing this at all! So thank you soooo much for taking a few seconds to let me and Artie know that you're watching! The very concept of 2000 fucking people around the globe wanting to get online and check in to see what I have to say? That's, like...so CRAZY to me! Thanks, you guys! I LOVE you all! And major thanks goes out to Jimmy Jukebox for making all of this possible! Love you most of all, dude! You're the best! Thanks for the cosign, man!"
I wanted to stop right there, but I found myself scrolling through the replies to his comment, and I saw one obsessive Jesse-101 fan after another sending him congratulations on his big win. Sending him kisses and hugs, telling him that it was 'about time' that he made it into the big leagues, and...naturally...a bunch of flirtatious comments about how gorgeous he was and how much they wanted to meet him and get together to celebrate the occasion.
The more I looked at the long string of comments, the more my heart began to throb in pain. And I felt bad about it. Because my brain knew better than to be nervous about Jesse being my boyfriend and the two of us being happy like we always were. And yet...my heart kept getting heavier and heavier with every message that I read. Messages that told me that he was loved by other people than just me. People I was forced to 'share' him with...if I wanted to support him and keep him happy. It was just a weird feeling that I didn't know what to do with yet. I was trying to learn...but it was easier said than done.
Then, I read a message from Jimmy Jukebox himself. And it said, "Kudos on the come up, Jesse! You deserve it! And keep going! Your channel is one of my favorites! I'll be watching for sure!"
Yeah, ok...that one made me jealous.
Even though it was the middle of the night, and I was half asleep...I suddenly sat up in my bed with a determined surge of inspiration flowing through me. I'm not going to let these random strangers outdo me when it came to congratulating my own BOYFRIEND on doing something awesome. Fuck that!
I propped my pillows up against my headboard and thought for a few minutes about what I was going to say, and then I began to type out a message of my own to let Jesse know that I was thinking about him. And that I LOVED him! And that I was happy for him too...even if I was a little bit late with the praise this time.
"I'm SO happy for you, Jesse! You worked so hard to get to this point, and you made it! You're so amazing, and you have so much heart to share with other people! Thanks for being a true angel for the rest of us. We love you! And I wish you nothing but good times, sweet kisses, and mall nachos with extra cheese!" Is what I wrote to him in the replies. But, before hitting send, I added, "I love you. Tristan." I hesitated before putting it out there online for the whole world to see. Or, well...at least 2012 people, that I know of. But...I really wanted him to know what I was feeling at that moment. I think I wanted the whole world to know.
A big part of it was just a super romantic expression to be shared between me and my first ever boyfriend...Jason Fixx doesn't count. He's permanently been scrubbed from my memory for being a selfish asshole. But...another part of me posted that message as a way of, basically, saying...'MINE'!!! Stay away, you vultures!!! Hehehe!
What? It's the truth! I'm not going to sit back and stay silent while other horny boy teens get all wrapped up in the idea that my beautiful Jesse is 'available'. He's not. They can watch his videos, sure...but that's it. Beyond that? They can go find their own golden ticket in the sea of potential gay boys attending their local high schools. I found my angel, let them find theirs.
I clicked send, and I hoped that Jesse would see it and smile tomorrow. Even if it was mixed in with 100 other replies and counting, I was eager to see if he valued my comment above all others...and would answer me accordingly the next time we spoke.
Which was just in a handful of hours from now! Yikes! I need to get to sleep!
It was a bit of a restless night, but I woke up feeling energized anyway. I don't know...the promise of getting the chance to see Jesse again just brings me life, you know? It's like this infatuated 'tickle' that courses through my veins every second of the day, and it's like my whole life has been split up into two halves. The moments when I get to spend time with my sweet Jesse Kyler...and the moments where I'm anxiously waiting to spend time with my sweet Jesse Kyler again. I can't seem to help myself. In fact, I find it hard to remember what the hell I used to think about all day before he came along. My brain must have been so weak and random back then. And now, I've always got something monumental to look forward to with every breath I take. It's crazy, right?
I jumped in the shower and then made sure to brush my teeth to get them extra white before fixing my hair as best as I could. I was swishing around with a cap full of mouthwash when I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Then back at the bottle of mouthwash. Do my eyes really look like minty aqua blue mouthwash? I held the bottle up beside my face to compare...and then I felt silly about doing that, so I tried to get my focus back and get ready for the big day. Ugh, PLEASE don't tell me that my hair decided to pick this weekend of all weekends to look...'awkward'. That's the last thing I need right now.
I got dressed in something that would be cool enough to look good for Jesse, but casual enough to not make Scotty Lynch think that I deliberately dressed up for some kind of 'date' or something. I was going to be walking a fine line here until I actually got him and Artie in the same room together. Maybe actually even talking to each other. How awesome would that be? Despite the many cringes and eye rolls that I've experienced while living just down the street from Scotty, I really do want to see the little twerp find some true happiness out there somewhere. He really is a sweetheart. He's just...not MY sweetheart. I'm thinking Artie will definitely be more his speed though. Oh man, I can't wait to see them hit it off! Hehehe!
I made sure to get online and check Jesse's channel to see what had happened overnight. Apparently, he's got a TON of new fans from overseas now. I looked at the number of subscribers, and it shot up to 2375 members now! And that was just in the few hours that I was asleep! I looked at the comments on his last video, and everybody was super amped about his big achievement. There were SO many new viewers! All saying that they're glad they found his channel, and that him and Artie were so funny, and...of course...lovey dovey emojis telling Jesse how HOT he was.
I mean...having people tell him he's cute was one thing. I expect that. He IS cute, you know? But 'HOT'? Hot is a whole other story. I'm not so sure that I'm crazy about that part.
But, even though there was a huge riot-worthy crowd full of admirers leaving words of appreciation and support for Jesse on his channel...I went down the list and noticed that he took a quick moment to answer each and every single last one of them. It looked like he stayed up pretty late to do it too. The replies were brief, but obviously from the center of his amazing heart. And I got a bit excited to see if he answered my comment too.
Down, down, down...
Ahhhh! He answered me!
Hehehe, I know, I know....I'm probably being silly...but it still freaks me out to know that 'Jesse-101' talks to me. He is my very own celebrity super hero, after all.
Awwww, he made his reply to me even longer than he did for the rest of his fans. It said, "Oh wow! Now I'm feeling all gooey inside! Thanks so much, sweetie! And I really am so happy to have gotten this far, but...at the end of the day...the BEST thing to come out of putting all this time and energy into this channel has been meeting you! Here's to more cheese nachos in the future, babe! Love you too!!! ::Puts My Mouth On You:: LOL!!!" And he followed it up with a bunch of heart emojis! Like...two whole lines full of them. And my heart started to beat so hard and so fast that I thought I was going to faint. I wonder if anybody else read that in the comments? I wonder if they knew what it meant. Hehehe, and, to be honest...I wondered if it made them envy the HELL out of me for having him for my very own!
Am I being weird for feeling super cool and good about myself this morning? Hehehe! Omigod...he loves me! He really loves me above all! And I love him even more! This is just...it's so surreal!
I'm going to kiss the lips right off of his FACE the next time I get the opportunity! I swear I am!
I got myself together, and made it a point to text Scotty a bit early before leaving the house so he would know that I was on my way over. His response came back almost immediately, and it was full of so many capital letters and exclamation marks that I could practically hear his squeaky voice screaming in my ear. Hehehe, nobody could ever say that Scotty wasn't a charmer when he wanted to be.
WHAT??? It's just...it's flattering, ok? Between his eager antics and Jesse's response online, I was riding high on an ego overload that I had never felt before. It's kind of weird to go from being so self conscious about life in general to suddenly feeling like a total rock star. It's almost embarrassing in a way. I wonder if this is how Jesse feels when people recognize him in the mall.
As I was getting ready to leave, I saw my mom with a dust rag and some lemon scented spray, polishing up the living room and dining room furniture. She gave me a smile, and told me that I looked nice. And there was a part of me that just...I don't know...it felt like it needed to say something.
"I'm uhhh...I'm going over to Jesse's house for a while." I don't know why my breath felt so short and strained when I said it, but...I wanted her to know.
"Ok. Well...you boys have fun today." She said.
"I'm taking Scotty with me. I figured, we'd all hang out or whatever."
"Oh. Well, that's nice of you, Tristan. I'm sure he'll get a kick out of that." She said, and she kept dusting the furniture. But I found myself hesitating at the door.
"You know...I was thinking that...you know...maybe I'll bring Jesse over here one day. Or...like...one night. Or...I mean..." Stop stuttering already and just say it! "...I thought it might be cool for you to, like...meet him, and stuff."
That definitely caught her attention. "OH!" She said, probably letting her enthusiasm show a bit more than she wanted it to. "I uhhh...yeah. That sounds great. You just let me know when you want to bring him by and we'll..." She sighed, almost getting misty eyed over the offer. "...We'll make plans. Ok?"
I was beginning to tremble violently over the idea of possibly having to say what I wanted to say to her out loud. Like...the fluttering jiggles in my stomach were close to making me nauseous. But, I just said, "Ok. Cool. I'll...let him know that it's...you know, like...ok to come over." I peeked up at her eyes, and she seemed slightly timid about peeking back at me, but for the few brief seconds that our gaze connected, I think the message was both sent and received. And that allowed both of us to relax a little bit.
I know that this is going to have to be a conversation that my mom and I have to have out loud one day. But give me some space, will ya? I'm working up to it. And it's already a lot faster than I ever thought it could be.
I made it out of the front door and walked down to Scotty's house, trying to keep my composure the whole way as I wasn't exactly sure what to expect with all of this today. I wasn't really worried about anything going wrong, i was just...really REALLY hoping that everything went right. That's all.
I held my breath as I rang his doorbell, and fidgeted slightly as I waited for him to open up. However, I was surprised to see Scotty's mom answer the door instead. "Oh...hi, Mrs. Lynch." I said. "Is...is Scotty home?"
She gave me a warm smile and said, "He's still getting ready. Come on in. He's been practically bouncing off the walls all morning about this."
Scotty's mom stepped aside to let me in, but I felt a bit uncomfortable as she almost seemed to be looking at me as if I was his prom date or something. I know that look. My mom has been bombarding me with it since I was twelve years old. It made me wonder if she knows just as much about Scotty as my mom probably knows about me. Do mom's just have a natural instinct about these things when it comes to their little boys? Or is that just my sick sense of paranoia taking over like it usually does when it comes to being...'not completely straight'?
His mom had me sit down on their sofa, and she called out to Scotty. "Honey? Tristan is here to see you."
I heard a loud 'thump' in the back room. It almost sounded like Scotty had fallen over and hurt himself. "I'm COMING!!!" He called back. "Did you tell him to come in?"
"He's waiting in the living room for you." She said.
"Omigod! Ok! I'm coming! Just give me, like...a few seconds! I'm...I'm coming! Don't let him go anywhere!" Scotty squealed, and it made me laugh to myself as I blushed in front of his mom. He really thinks that I can't hear him?
Mrs. Lynch grinned at me, and said, "You heard him. Don't you dare go anywhere until he's ready."
"I won't leave him. Promise." I said.
"Good to know." She said. "He's SO excited. Would you like anything to drink or anything."
"No thank you." I said, making sure that my parental manners were on point. And I heard Scotty thumping and bumping around in his room for another minute or two, scrambling to get himself to look his absolute best and give me the best impression that he possibly could. I kept giggling to myself, because it sounded like he was really hurting himself in there, tripping over his own feet to make sure that he was truly ready to impress me the moment I laid eyes on him. I mean...it was cute. Hehehe! What the heck was he up to in there???
Finally, Scotty emerged from his room, a heavily applied scent of body spray all over him, his brass blond hair fixed to near perfection, even when still damp from his morning shower...and dressed in a pair of light blue jean shorts and a snugly fitted navy blue t-shirt. A wristwatch on his right arm, and a few bracelets on his other. And, much to my surprise, a pair of his personally designed sneakers on his feet. Wow...he really went all out today, didn't he?
"Hi, Tristan..." He said bashfully, trying hard to keep the pinkish blush from flooding up into his cheeks completely.
"S'up, Scotty?" I said, and the involuntary wiggle that suddenly shot through him nearly caused him to collapse at the knees. "You ready to go?"
He giggled to himself. "Uh huh. Totally." Then he asked, "Should I take my skateboard? I mean, I know we're taking the bus, but...I mean...I can prolly do some tricks and stuff. Do your friends skateboard, or...?"
"Hehehe, it's ok, Scotty. We'll just take the bus."
"M'kay. I guess I'm ready then." He said.
Scotty's mom walked over and smoothed out his hair, picking a piece of lint off of his t-shirt. "Remember to be home by six, ok?" She said.
"Fine. I'll be back in time. Geez." He said, stepping away from her motherly 'grooming'.
Then she kissed him on the cheek. A BIG 'Mom Foul' for a teenager! "Have a good time, honey."
Scotty wiped his cheek off with his hand. "MOM!!! Ugh!" She was confused by his reaction, but Scotty was too quick to move forward and take a hold of my arm to push me towards the front door for her to say much of anything in protest.
He just pushed and pushed and pushed until we were both outside, and I was giggling at his attempts to get me so far away from his mom's love and affection. But it was ok. I know the feeling, believe me. There's nothing more humiliating than actually being loved by your parents in front of your friends! Arrrgh, the HORROR! It pretty much regresses your image to that of a two year old in a matter of seconds. So I totally understand how the cringe factor works here.
"I'm so sorry about that." Scotty said, now turning a deep red in the face.
But I let him off the hook and said, "No worries. Your mom is super sweet." I snickered a bit more, and Scotty stared into my eyes, so happy to see me smile.
"You have the most awesome laugh. You know that?" He seemed to swoon when he said it, and I almost thought that I'd have to fix myself up so as to not lead him on in any way. But he cut me off, and he gasped, "Omigod! Wait! I got you something! Ummm...wait right here!" And I watched as Scotty swiftly dashed back into his house for a minute or two before racing back out to shove a plastic bag into the center of my chest.
I unwrapped his surprise gift, and it appeared to be a few short roses made out of chocolate. It really did surprise me, and I said, "Awwww, oh wow. Thank you, Scotty."
He looked down at his shoes, one of his feet, nervously digging a toe in the dirt of his front yard. "Yeah well...it was just something that I got for you at the last minute." He mumbled under his breath. "I also got you a strawberry soda. So...like...here. Strawberry's my favorite. I thought, maybe, it might become your favorite too. Then we could have it all the time, you know?"
He seemed so hopeful and so sweet about it. Hehehe, I said, "Strawberry soda sounds awesome. Thanks. This is all...this is so sweet of you. Thanks, Scotty."
"Cool..." He replied breathlessly. He really was a little romantic at heart, wasn't he? I can honestly say that I'm impressed by all of this. If he uses one quarter of this affectionate energy on Artie, that poor kid is going to be overwhelmed by Scotty's heart. And I'm thinking that's a good thing!
"You ready to go?" I asked.
"Yeah." He said, still trying to shake off his dreamy haze. "Ready if you are."
With that said, I opened his can of strawberry soda and took a sip, letting him know that I loved it. And then we headed off to the bus stop. Hopefully towards the love of my life...and towards his as well.
I guess it's all in the hands of fate from here on out...
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