Date Posted:09:24:34 12/24/07 Mon Author: Cloud Subject: Read it (Spoilers) In reply to:
mattykins
's message, "Well then, you'll be happy to hear......" on 22:37:27 12/23/07 Sun
You're off on a great start. Your writing is good, it made the reading enjoyable, obviously, lol. The only kink I found in that first part was the scene with the gun was way too soon. I know in the story, the bullying has been going on for a while, but as a reader, I didn't really feel that by the time I got to that part. By the end of the chapter, Fenton has a really annoying attitude, like you want to tell him 'Get a grip! Try the solutions proposed!' but he stubbornly sinks in self-pity, which I'm guessing is what you wanted. And it works. I find him annoying but I get where he's coming from. I hope that's what you meant to do, haha. Sorry if I got it wrong. :P
I'm looking forward to the next chapter(s). The set-up is excellent. Good build-up.
