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And then.....he spoke....
"Hey, YouTubers, what's up? This is 'Jesse-101', and I just wanted to...um....hehehe...comment on the 'Stop Calling Me A Homo' video. Because, honestly...I think it's pretty damn funny!"
His voice...oh wow. It was a siren's song to my ears. Light and pleasant. Playful and sexy. Innocent, but with such a subtle touch of mischief. I heard Lori giggle a bit, but found myself suddenly telling her to 'shhhh' as I tried to absorb every word that he had to say.
"I mean...ok, so I almost feel BAD or teasing this kid like this. I normally wouldn't want to even add fuel to the fire, so to speak. But...hehehe...it's like, he spends vlog after vlog talking about homosexuals and how they're going to Hell and how gay marriage is a sin and all that...TOTALLY judging gay people and making them feel like outcasts and rejects by dissing them online. But THEN...when HE gets made fun of, and HE becomes the butt of the joke...he wants to get mad and hurt and act like the rest of the world is being 'unfair'. Whatever. GOOD! Hehehe! I hate to say that, but that's what he gets! Everybody feels self righteous and holier than thou until THEY have to deal with the horror of being judged and laughed at by the social majority! So to our angry Christian friend, let me just say that...what goes around comes around. Next time...don't put bad shit out there in the 'ether' unless you can handle the backlash! Lesson learned, right?"
Then he added...
Oh....by the way...youre SUCH a homo! Hahaha! Peace out, you guys I'll see you all later!"
The video was a short reply, and it was hardly long enough for me to really satisfy my curiosity about this beautiful boy. But when the other recommendations came up, I watched closely. EAGERLY searching for another video by him. ANY video by him!
"Omigod, click on that one!" I said, when I saw one called, 'Super Soda Drink Fest'. I had almost forgotten that Lori was onto me and my ulterior motives concerning the cutie on screen. But the funny thing was, I didn't really care! She smiled at me, and I confessed to my instant addiction. "So WHAT??? He's cute! So? Hehehe, don't tease me! Just click already!"
"You're such a YouTube perv..."
"Shut up and CLICK already! Geez!" I said, almost taking the mouse from her to do it myself.
"Alright, alright! Hahaha!" She clicked on his next link, and said, "Actually...he IS pretty damn cute. I don't blame you."
"Shhh, shhh, it's starting."
I watched as the same cute boy appeared on the screen, this time in his kitchen, wearing a shirt that brought out the ocean summer blue color of his big bright eyes, and I fought to keep from smiling as I heard his angelic voice speak again....
"Hey, YouTube. So...I'm bored today. Majorly bored. BUT...my mom bought this twelve pack of A&W Root Beer and put it in the fridge. Now...you guys who have been watching my vlogs already KNOW that I have, like, this major 'fetish' for A&W Root Beer! And I needed something to do for my video today, besides talk about how bored I am. SO...I'm going to sit right here on camera, and I'm gonna drink this whole 12 pack...right in front of you! Hehehe! Don't believe me? Watch me!"
I saw him get up and take the whole 12 pack out of the fridge.
"Are you ready? Because I'm sooo serious, right now? Hehehe, ok...ready...set...go..."
The video sped up at that point, and Lori and I laughed out loud as we watched the super speedy slurping of sodas...can by can. Sometimes he would get up and dance around a bit in fast motion, and sometimes he's make faces, and just....hehehe...God, he was being so CUTE about it! When he got about 7 cans into it, the video went back to normal speed so he could speak.
"Omigod...okaaay....so this isn't as easy as I thought it would be. BUT...I'm still gonna try to do this, like, all the way! Hehehe! Even though I feel like a big ol' water balloon right now, ready to burst open! Hehehe! Ugh! Hurts to laugh. ok....ok...back to work."
And he went right back to the speedy motion, drinking down two more cans before slowing down and looking like he was almost ready to barf it up on camera. Hahaha! Omigod...I couldn't stop staring at him. He was like...this amazing blond angel. But the way that he edited everything and made jokes in between was so comical that I couldn't stop watching. Something about his personality and his cheerful nature just grabbed a hold of you and wouldn't let go. Lori laughed even harder than I did, and we kept watching as he got down to the last can and a half. Starting off with a loud belch...
"Ok....almost there. Oh God...I don't wanna drink another root beer for, like...another DECADE now. Wait...gotta go to the bathroom. Wanna come with?"
YES!!!!!!
"I'm just kidding! Sickos! Hehehe, get a magazine! I'm not showing my private pieces! Hehehe!"
The film jumped until he came back, and got really close to the camera. His big fluorescent blue eyes hypnotizing me with their unbelievable charm.
"MUCH better! Awwwwwwwwwwwww YEAH!"
And he went back to drinking! Then he turned up the very last can, letting the last few drops fall into his mouth, and slammed it down on the counter. Lori giggled at me and said, "Omigod, I can't believe he really just did that!"
"I know! That's insane!"
Then Jesse said...
"So....yeah. I did it. And now...I have no A&W Root Beer left. In fact, I'm pretty sure my mom's gonna be kinda pissed that I drank the whole 12 pack in a half hour. I think that was, like, for my school lunches this week or something. Hehehe, oops! So...yeah, I hope you guys were entertained by my...um...stupidity. If you've got any questions for me or want to challenge me to do something...then let me know. Ummm...oh, and don't forget to comment down below...down 'there' somewhere...or whatever. And subscribe. And rate this video. And...yeah. Ok. I think I'm gonna go lay down now and try not to think about my sudden need to throw up carbonated sugar all over myself. Take care. Peace out!"
The video ended, and I was left with this permanent goofy grin on my face. Something about him called out to me, and I couldn't help but to be totally fascinated by him. Watching his full lips move when he spoke was enough to make me squirm in my seat. But more than anything...his aura was just so fun to watch. He had a certain invisible something that made everything he said and did such a joy to behold. It almost hurt to see the video come to an end, and I found myself looking for more.
C'mon....C'MON...just one more! Please?
I told Lori to look for more, and she gave me a sly grin. She was like, "He has a YouTube account, you know? If you just wanna obsess over this ONE cute boy for a while longer, we an just go there!" I tried to deny it and not appear like some kind of teeny bopper on a sugar high, but she let me know that it was ok. In fact, her exact words were, "I'm not going to miss out on this. I don't think I've seen you this happy over a boy for a long time now. Hehehe! I like this side of you. You always hide everything you feel, it's not healthy."
"I don't HIDE stuff. I just...I'm 'private', you know?" I told her. Not that she bought it for a second.
"Ok, I'm gonna call 'bullshit' on that one, Tristan. I'm just saying....hehehe...it's good to see you smile. It's been a while."
"Yeah well...after Jason, it's pretty sad that all I have to rely on is a computer monitor and the image of some teenage boy half way across the world to make me smile. It's hardly a reason to throw a party."
She nudged me as she went to 'Jesse-101's account to see what other videos he had. "You're too hard on yourself. So stop it." She said. "Look at it this way...Jason might have seemed like your dream boy, but he obviously wasn't. So now that he's out of the way, the real deal to come in and sweep you off of your feet. He's gone for a reason, Tristan. Appreciate the opportunity you've been given for something soooo much better."
"I know. I just...I KNOW, ok?" I said, wishing she would hurry up and show me more of this 'Jesse' boy already. I reached over to click the button, but she pulled it back from me with a mischievous smile. "Are you gonna honestly ENJOY this? Or are you gonna sit there and pretend to be cool and calm while watching these? Because I'm not going to be entertained if you're just gonna hold back all day and..."
"GIMMEE!!!" I said loudly, snatching the mouse from her and clicking the links myself! Hehehe, she sat back and giggled happily to herself, watching my eyes widen. He had, like...over FORTY videos already! And a lot of them were recent! Some done in the last few months, some in the last few weeks...and one that was done just 7 HOURS ago! I don't know what it was that made my heart flutter when I saw that. I think...something about the fact that this amazing boy....this enchanting, engaging, and thoroughly entertaining boy...was actually 'out there' somewhere. Right now. And what I was going to see in that video happened just a few hours ago. It was like...I dunno...being connected, you know? God...I can't believe he's real. Like...REALLY real!
I decided to save the most recent one for last. Some of his videos were a year or more old. I figured I'd start with those. Heh...listen to me. 'START' with those. Yes, I had already made up my mind to watch every last YouTube video that he had on this site. And was sure to save it and keep up with him every single day of my life. Just to become this totally dedicated voyeur by addictively peeking in through this electronic window into his life. Despite my earlier claims to just be merely 'interested'...I found myself blindsided by the haze of infatuation. And I had only been watching him for 6 minutes. How weird is that?
I swear, Lori and I spent the next hour and a half giggling and shoving each other as we went through video after video. Saying, 'Omigod! Click on that one!' or 'He looks so HOT right there! Click that one!' And I nearly fell out of my chair when he had one entitled 'Naked Vlog Challenge'...which nearly made my HEART stop! But when I clicked on it, it was totally a hoax! Which, even though I was severely disappointed, made me laugh anyway.
"What made you guys think I was just gonna randomly take my clothes off? Please! You guys can see me naked...but you gotta PAY! My body ain't for cheap peeks and dreamy eyes! SHAME on you!"
Oh God...I swear, I'm falling in LOVE with this boy! The more I see, the more I absorbed, watching his skits and his weekly vlog entries, and just hearing him talk about stuff...wow. He was soooo dreamy. So alluring to my hungry eyes. Hungry for a level of beauty that had some meaning. Not just 'cute' for 'cute's' sake. But truly beautiful, inside and out.
And that's when Lori and I went to another page and saw the one vlog post that...not only surprised me, but it sent a surge of wiggles through me so fast that I nearly slipped out of my seat. One video....just one...
...Titled 'Coming Out Story'
Lori looked at me with her jaw dropped, and her eyes so wide that they nearly swallowed me up! I couldn't shake myself free from the still picture associated with the video. Jesse, with a serious look on his face,his soft blond hair falling gently into his bright blue eyes...his kissably thick lips poised and ready to speak...it left me in a helplessly awestruck state of paralysis.
Was it another joke? Was it like the naked vlog post? If I took a chance, and clicked on it...would this beautiful boy laugh at me? And tease me mercilessly for thinking for one SECOND that someone this amazing could ever be a homosexual. That he could be that funny, that confident, that open...and yet...till be 'different'. Like me?
"Omigod! Tristan, what are you WAITING for??? Click, click, click!!!" Lori shouted. But I didn't know if I had the guts to do it. Something about finding out the truth, whether he was gay or straight...terrified me. After having investing so much heart into his sweet smile and carefree sense of humor...I think I'd end up being hurt either way. "Tristan? What is it?"
"I....I don't know..." I said. My finger hovering right over the button. Why couldn't I do it? Why did it frighten me so much?
Lori reached over and slowly took the mouse out of my hand. She gave me a weird look, but I think she thought this was some kind of weird joke that I was making. It wasn't. She clicked on the link, and the video began...
"Hey YouTubers...what's up?"
He started. I held my breath. As though my breathing and heartbeat would be so thunderously loud that I'd miss something. A word, a phrase, a smile, a gesture. I watched so closely that I was afraid to blink. A tremble generating a wild nest of butterflies in my stomach.
"So...there were a lot of other vlogs that I saw online, about people sharing their coming out stories. So...I figured I would do one of my own. You know? So yes, I'm gay, and I'm 15 years old. I don't always make a big deal about it, because....well, because it's not, like, the ONLY thing in my life. But I guess it's something worth talking about. Let's see...ummm...so yeah, the first person I ever came out to was my best friend, Ben. Like...we were actually at Summer camp at the time, and sharing a tent. Everything was, like...perfect that day, you know?"
Jesse blushed a little bit, and bit into his bottom lip to hold back a flirtatious smile.
"I'll admit that...sighhh...hehehe...ok, so I kinda had this big crush on him at the time. Big emphasis on 'HAD'! And he was being really cute and fun that day, and we were sorta up late talking. And...for some reason, I guess I just got brave. I don't know WHY, but it was, like, what the hell? You know? And I kinda said, 'Ben...can I tell you something?' And he was all interested and stuff. So I was like, 'Ben...you know...I'm gay.' Kinda hoping that he'd...like...be cool with that and might wanna fool around or something. Hehehe, WHAT??? It was Summer Camp! We were away from our parents and in the woods and sharing a tent, just the two of us...what better time to have hot buttered boy sex, you know? Hehehe!"
My God. My....my GOD!!! I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I couldn't believe how long I had been holding my breath. I couldn't believe how hard I was shaking. Lori and I just stared at the screen as this dazzling boy shared a piece of his soul with me. That's what it felt like. Like it was JUST for me. And something about it made me experience something so untouchably wonderful inside. So unimaginably real. Oh wow...this can't be happening. It just can't be.
"Well...THAT didn't go over so well! Hehehe, and to make a long story short, that's where I got this scar."
Jesse leaned into the camera, his blue eyes illuminated by the light of his laptop screen. He used his delicate fingers to lift up some of his silken strands of spun gold to show a slightly visible gash on his forehead, just above his left eyebrow. It hurt me to see it. It literally HURT! It wasn't that bad of a scar. Hardly noticeable, actually. But the idea of him being hurt just...it infected something in me. Had I been there, I would have swung on this 'Ben' character with everything I had. I swear!
"Yeah...scary..."
He said with a half hearted giggle.
"So yeah...that wasn't one of my brightest moments. Annnnddd..neither were the following moments of the next three weeks. Ben, like told everybody at Summer Camp. And let me tell you, kids...you haven't LIVED until you've been 'outed' at an all boys Summer Camp! That's QUITE the experience! Then, my parents kinda found out, and I had to come clean. Then the kids at my school found out, and I had to come clean again. And it just pretty much circled the whole city until everybody knew."
Then he paused and said...
"I wonder if the MAYOR knows....?"
Which was kinda random and funny and followed by a weird look. But, despite my soft giggle...I still felt really bad for him.
"So anyway, yeah! I wish I could, like, take the credit for having the courage to tell people and come out on my own in this big fairy tale, way..."
His face appeared close to the screen with a smile.
"Hehehe...I said 'fairy' tale! Get it?"
Bringing a playful bit of comfort to me and Lori, who were watching in silence. Captivated by his story.
"...But NOPE! It all kinda happened by accident. So...yeah. I should have totally just gone with my original plan and sucked him off in his sleep. At least then the ass kicking would have had some kinda REWARD behind it!"
He jumped close to the screen again, and slowly licked his tongue over his teeth in the most lustful way imaginable. But quickly went back to normal.
"Omigod...I did NOT just do that! Hehehe! Mmmmmm...or did I?"
He's amazing. He's soooo...damn amazing!
"So yeah, that's my big coming out story. Which...I'm sure sucks in comparison. But so what? Hehehe, you got what you came for! Now go watch something FUNNY on YouTube! I'm sure there's a guy in a gorilla suit scaring the living SHIT out of somebody right now! And you're missing it! Peace out, YouTube! And subscribe, subscribe, subscribe!"
And just like that....it was over. No wink and a smile. No 'ha ha, dumbass! I'm not really gay! I'm just kidding!' He was really...oh wow...he was really...
I needed to sit down.
Oh wait...I was already sitting down.
Well then I need to squirm my body out of this chair and sprawl out on the bedroom floor then. Because this weak feeling inside of me is so overwhelming that sitting still just doesn't seem to be able to contain it.
"Hehehe, omigod, LOOK at you!" Lori said, and hugged me around the neck as I smiled dreamily to myself.
"I didn't even think there were boys out there like that." I said, more to myself than to her. "Did that just happen? He's....he's so...." I blushed hard and hid my face from her for a second while I tried to get my level of 'cool' back. "Hehehe...am I being weird? I'm sorry."
"You're being ADORABLE!!! And don't you DARE apologize for it!" She replied. "You should talk to him! Write him a comment or something!"
"What??? NOOOO!!! Hehehe!"
"Why not? He WANTS you to comment! He ASKED you to comment! C'mon! He's CUTE!"
I giggled at the very idea of it, and said, "Ok, YOU need to go now!"
"Why? Are you gonna touch yourself?"
"LORI!!! Omigod! Hehehe!"
"I know you are! Ok, ok...I'll go. But I know that you're gonna keep watching 'Jesse-101' while I'm gone. You're not fooling me! Hehehe!" I actually pushed her gently until she got her stuff and was ready to go. Hehehe, she laughed the whole way, but put up little resistance. Right before I shut the door, she said, "Call me after you 'squirt' so you can tell me how he was!" Hahaha! And they say BOYS are the perverted ones!
Naturally, Lori was right. And I went back and watched every video from his coming out story, all the way back to the very first vlog he ever did when he had just turned 14 years old. His hair was a little bit longer then, but he looked just as cute either way. He had some more videos about cute boys that he saw, and about how kids should work on accepting themselves for who they are, and he even listed sites for teen boys who were going through some of the same things that he was. I mean...Jesse actually cared. Do you know how HARD it is to actually find people who give a shit about anything other than getting money, getting attention, getting power, or getting laid? How many people do you see that are passionate enough to want to do something for somebody ELSE, instead of their own self satisfaction and ego? Jesse continued to impress me, over and over again, video after video, for another hour and a half. Three hours...glued to this computer screen. My back and shoulders ached. My butt ached. My fingers ached. Ugh!
But the one muscle that seemed to be going strong, even though it had been working the hardest over the last few hours...was my heart. It pumped out so many good feelings that the smile on my face eventually caused the muscles in my cheeks to nearly cramp from overuse. And remarkably...I was stiff as a metal rod the whole time! And yet, as erect as I was, I didn't jack off. Not once. I was so emotionally involved in the very essence of Jesse and what he had to say...that I just couldn't involve myself in the distraction. That was so wild. I almost got ANGRY when I heard my cell phone ring, and saw that it was Lori.
I picked it up and said, "I'm NOT jacking off, if that's what you're calling to find out!" I grinned.
"DUDE!!! Did you watch the first video???" She said excitedly.
"Of course I did. I've been working my way back to the very first one since you left."
"NO! Not the first video he ever did, like a year and a half ago! I'm talking about the FIRST video! The one he did today!!!"
"What are you talking about?" I asked, and then remember that I had saved the most recent for last.
"WATCH IT!!! Do it now!" She demanded, and I snickered a bit as I wondered if maybe he decided to do that naked vlog after all.
I went back to the first page, and clicked on the link. Jesse was going to the mall with one of his friends, and brought his camera with him. God....e was soooo gorgeous that it was hard to take my eyes off of him once he started moving.
"Hey guys! It's Jesse! And this is my friend, Artie, and we're coming to the mall to do some shopping for Artie's 15th birthday...SIX MONTHS early! So yeah, here we go!"
Some dance pop music came on, and the video was sped up slightly as Jesse and his friend Artie went from store to store, holding up random objects from shoes, to action figures, to video games, to female lingerie....making faces and dancing around in the most comical way. It made me laugh to see them having so much fun together, and they literally went to EVERY store! Even the ones that had NOTHING that a 14 year old boy would ever want to get for his birthday.
Lori heard me giggling on the phone, and she said, "Do you SEE it???"
"Hehehe, huh?See what?"
She sighed, almost as if in frustration. "LOOK at the stores!!! Look at the FOUNTAIN!!!!"
"What about them?"
"Dude...are you BLIND??? That's TOTALLY the mall over in HILLSIDE!!! Tristan...'Jesse-101' lives just in the next TOWN!!!" She said, almost screaming.
It caught me off guard at first, but as I looked closer...those stores DID look pretty familiar. "Get the fuck outta here...no way. A LOT of shopping malls look like that, Lori."
"NO! I'm serious! LOOK at the security guard! That's old man Kirkland right there! I'm telling you...'Jesse-101' is HERE!!!" She said. And I watched....trying to understand. Trying to embrace the concept. And I was left speechless. "Tristan? Tristan, are you there? Hellooooo?"
I hung up the phone without saying another word. Stood up, stepped away from the computer, and fell back on my bed, my eyes gazing up at the ceiling as my body began to tingle from head to toe.
He's here. 'Jesse-101'.....he's....he's here. Like....HERE. My mind seemed to shut off every other thought that didn't concern that blond sweetheart's smile...
And as my phone rang, and I remained too emotionally numb to answer it...I heard the end of the video...
"Ah well, it looks like we didn't have much luck today, you guys! Because Artie's picky and spoiled! Hehehe! But if any of you have any ideas about what I should get Artie for his birthday, just comment below, and we'll make something happen! K? Love you guys! ::Mwah:: Peace out!"
'Love you guys'. That's what he said. He gave me a kiss. It felt like...like he gave me a kiss personally. And I felt too good to move.
I was floating. FLOATING. What do I do with this feeling? How can I make it stop long enough to function? Wow....
Just.....wow....
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