At one point, Taylor and his band were doing sound check, and I notice Brandon fixing his gaze on the whole process. I know that Brandon has been to concerts before. Hell, even Bobby Jinette took him to one...on a DATE! Grrrr! Still feel the grumbles over that one! But they were for really big bands and stuff. Nothing as intimate as this.
Grinning at him, I was like, "You wanna go over and say hello?"
Brandon let a little gasp escape his lips, and he was like, "No. It's ok. They're busy."
I said, "Dude, he's a friend of mine. We can go over if you want to. He'll be happy to meet a fan."
Brandon fidgeted and squirmed for a while, too embarrassed to even suggest such a thing. I've already seen Taylor perform. I know what it's like for him to get the local celebrity treatment. But it looked sooooo much cuter on Brandon though! Hehehe!
So, we didn't go over, no matter how hard I pushed him to do so. I'm sure he'll warm up to the whole idea later on.
Everyone seemed to be in their typical cheery mood, including Garrett, who didn't really say much, but Terrell and Ollie made it a point to get him to pitch in a low mumbled phrase or two every few minutes. The only who seemed to have a dark cloud over his shoulders was Robin. He made a few attempts to smile when he saw the rest of us laughing about something, but he didn't put much more effort into it than that. The strange thing is...I couldn't tell if he was just in a sour mood all on his own, or if he was directing his solemn gazes on me specifically. I mean, what did *I* do??? It's not like I brought Brandon along to make him jealous or anything.
I told Robin over and over again what to expect from AJ, and he refused to listen to me. Some people just have to learn lessons on their own, you know? But, for what it's worth, I still wish him the best. Robin's got a lot of love to give. He just needs to find someone who isn't going to use him up and toss him aside the way AJ does with just about every boy he meets. I figure, once Robin's heart has been broken so badly, and he's faced all the lies and humiliation that he can possibly STAND from that guy...he'll find the strength to stand up for himself. And he'll kick AJ so far out of his life that the fucker will have to take two planes, a boat, and a horse, to get back to square one again!
I think Robin's approaching that level pretty quickly. I hope I'm around to see that cheating, backstabbing, AJ get what he deserves.
So, the show starts, right? And we all get up to enjoy all of the bands, but we move up close to the stage when it's time for 'Liquor On Sunday' to perform! Taylor was on FIRE tonight! The whole band was! I honestly think they were the best band there! And not just because he's my friend, but because they just kicked so much ASS, from the first song to the last! Wow! Hehehe, even we didn't expect them to rock that hard!
By the time it was all over and we were able to gather back in one of the booths, every last one of us was exhausted from the show. Jumping around like that, I could barely move my arms and legs at all anymore. SO awesome!
I noticed that Brandon suddenly straightened up and his smile turned into this extremely bashful smirk of admiration as Taylor finished passing out promo CDs and stuff and sat down at the table with the rest of us. So, feeling all cool and special, I tapped Taylor on the shoulder and was like, "Taylor? This is my friend, Brandon. He's a big fan!"
Brandon instantly blushed and nudged me in the ribs. He's like, "Omigod, Billy!"
I'm like, "What? Hehehe! Show him your cover! Show him!"
Brandon was a bit embarrassed, but he had experienced such a warm welcome from everybody else so far, he didn't think much of it. So...I giggled to myself as I saw him reach into his pocket and pull out the little CD booklet that he brought with him.
Some of the others laughed, but not in a mocking way. I think they thought it was adorable.
Taylor gently took it from him and said, "Oh wow! You've got an actual, physical CD? And not the promo stuff either, but the whole album."
Brandon was like, "Yeah. I ordered it from your website. I know you guys say it's retro, but I like CDs. Like...it gives your favorites something to sign...." Brandon's blush deepened. And he says, "I was kinda hoping you'd sign this one for me. You don't HAVE to! I just thought..."
Taylor's like, "Hell, yeah! I'll sign it! I'll even do you one better, dude. I'll get the whole band to sign it tonight. Cool?" I don't think Brandon could have contained his smile if he wanted to. Then Taylor's like, "I LIKE this friend of yours, Billy! He knows good music when he hears it!"
We heard Garrett mumble something, and had to ask him to say it again as we all leaned in closer. He said, "I got one too..." Then, lo and behold, he also had a CD from Taylor's website. A brand new one. Garrett was much more shy about asking for an autograph, just for the sake of saying he got one...but Taylor was happy to take it so he could get that one signed too.
Taylor looked around at the rest of us, and he's like, "You SEE, people? THESE are what true fans look like! You guys can learn something from these two!"
I said, "Hehehe, my friend Ian always says, 'You better love me now! Because when I get to be big and famous, it'll be too late!'"
Taylor said, "EXACTLY! High fives to your friend for knowing the real deal about this shit!" Then he's like, "That's what I'm talking about, you guys! Show me some love right now while things are quiet! Don't wait until I'm surrounded by thousands of adoring fans, screaming my name, and THEN try to push your way to the front of the crowd! I won't have time for you peasants after that!"
Dizzy rolled his eyes and said, "Psh! Whatever, dude! Your whole circle of diehard fans are sitting right here in this dark corner. When you reach Bieber status, send one of us a memo."
Shaking his head, Taylor was like, "I can't believe you just said the 'B' word in front of me. You know how much I hate that. Leave it to YOU, Dizz..."
Everybody started talking at once and stuff, and before long...Brandon and I found ourselves sorta talking to one another away from everybody else. He got his booklet signed and all by the whole band and made sure that it wouldn't get wrinkled in his pocket or anything. He really loved it. I could see the brightness of his smile reflected in his eyes, and I began to squirm in his presence. He was so pretty. Not just the prettiest boy in school...but apparently out of school too. You have NO idea how badly I wanted him at that moment.
Speaking softly to one another, standing so close together...Brandon said, "You know...this whole night was really great, Billy. I mean that. Thank you."
I'm like, "Well, we can always make a habit out of this sort of thing, ya know?"
Brandon said, "I think I'd like that." Then his eyes connected with mine, and with a sheepish grin, he rolled his eyes. "You see, Billy? This is what you do! This is why I have to stay away from you."
Shocked, I was like, "Wha...??? No way! What did I do?"
He says, "You're just...you're being so damn cute. Every time I talk to you, you charm me into getting all goofy over you again and I don't know left from right, up from down. You're dangerous, you know that?"
I said, "Is that such a bad thing?" I smiled at him, and he smiled back. I knew that we were in a public place, but I reached over to take a hold of his hand. It was sort of underneath the table, but not really. I just...held it there. And I said, "I miss us having moments like this. I miss being able to look in your eyes, hear your voice, and just...feel my heart flutter out of control like this."
Then Brandon looks around briefly, and he says, "Yeah. Me too. You're the only person in existence that makes me feel this way, Billy. I don't want anybody else but you."
You know, I don't know if it was just the feel of Brandon's hand in mine, skin to skin...or if it was just the mixed cocktail of an amazing evening pushing me forward...but after rubbing Brandon's soft hand with my fingers for a second or two...I felt this insatiable urge to lean over and give Brandon a gentle kiss on his cheek. The whole action was so automatic. So involuntary. And once my kiss touched his cheek...I knew that it wouldn't be enough.
So I went in for another. This time...closer to the side of his mouth.
Our eyes connected for a moment. A long moment.
The rest of the world faded away, and any consequences that might come from doing what I was thinking of next...they didn't weigh very heavy at all when it come to what my heart was telling me at that moment. In fact, I barely thought about it at all.
I think Brandon was a bit nervous at first. Hell, we both were. But when I leaned in again, I closed my eyes...knowing that he'd follow my lead, and meet me halfway.
Our lips touched.
And the kiss lingered for a few moments, allowing us a moment to enjoy its purity before a little tongue play got involved.
My head was spinning. My heart pounding so hard that my whole body throbbed with the pulse of its maddening pace.
His hand clutched mine in the most intimate. A touch of fear, a hint of hesitation...but he gave himself over to the moment. Just like I had. And I've never experienced a brief moment of time that was more perfect. Heh...I can't believe that I actually did that!
I don't know how long Brandon and I were kissing before we noticed the silence coming from the area around us. I leaned back and disengaged from the boy of my dreams just long enough to see the rest of my co-works looking on in astonishment. And then, without warning, Terrell shouts out, "LIAR!!! You are SUCH a liar!!!" And everybody erupts in a symphony of cheers and laughter, causing Brandon and I to turn a deep shade of crimson in the face as we hid our eyes from the crowd!
The next thing I know, they were moving in on us and giving us hugs and ruffling up my hair, and making jokes about my sudden 'exposure' to the rest of them.
Ollie kept saying, "I knew it! Didn't I tell you? Calleigh, I KNOW I told you!"
Dizzy suddenly came over to snatch Brandon away from me and talk to him elsewhere to get details. Hahaha! All while Terrell kept shaking his head and calling me out for not telling him the truth when he asked me if I was gay the first time. Even Garrett gave me a hug and some congratulations.
Was it really that easy? Did I really just 'out' myself to EVERYBODY that I work with at the record store??? Jesus Christ! Where did THAT come from? Hehehe, I don't know...I guess that I've been so used to high school, where everybody is trying to fit into the same mold, all trying to be the same person...that it became a bit of an adventure being around people who dared to be different. Maybe...it's my turn to dare to be different.
Or maybe I'm just too far gone in love with my Brandon to let something as simple as the watching eyes of my close friends stop me from expressing that. That could always be a possibility.
So, all in all, a great night. A fantastic show. And a revelation to ALLof my new friends that...really doesn't feel like that big a deal now that it's just...out in the open. Hehehe! Plus I have a REALLY cute boyfriend on my arm as a bonus! So...it's cool to show him off for what he truly is! The love my life! The only true love I've ever known.
Everybody gave me and Brandon extra hugs as we all left the venue tonight. Especially Dizzy, who hugged me so tight that I could barely breathe. Then he's like, "I'm proud of you, hon. SO proud." Was he crying? I don't know for sure, but he was definitely choked up. I could hear it in his voice when he hugged Brandon and said, "Welcome to the family, sweetie."
Yeah...our night out. I think I could get used to this kind of thing.
Just before parting ways for the night, Brandon asked me, "So...this is what it's like to be a part of the life of the new Billy Chase, is it?"
I said, "Maybe. Then again....maybe it gets more interesting along the way."
Brandon shyly looked down at his feet with a smile, and he said, "Yeah. Maybe it does." It was a slightly awkward moment, but nothing that I would consider 'uncomfortable'. That's when Brandon said, "We should get together this week. You and me."
Feeling a pressure, in my chest, I said, "Yeah. Definitely." Then I told him, "I ummm...I have to work tomorrow and Wednesday...but I've got Tuesday and Thursday all to myself. Maybe even Friday, because I think Dizzy wants to switch with me for Saturday. So...if you're not...doing anything on Tuesday...?"
He nodded. Our gaze connecting again. He's like, "Ok. Tuesday it is. I'll call you. Or...you call me. Or...hehehe something like that."
I was lost in a daze, but replied, "Right...something like that."
And I think we have a date for Tuesday. I have NO idea what my plans are, but...I kissed a boy in public tonight. I've never experienced a rush like that. It MEANT something, you know? At least to me it did.
What's happening to me? I feel like so much is changing so fast. But I don't feel that panic inside like I used to. I feel...at home here, at this point of my life. Totally at home. It's weird, the things that used to scare me most...don't seem like anything more than a slight inconvenience these days.
I guess that terrifying leap of faith wasn't as steep as I once thought it was.
I've gotta run. I've been writing my ass off tonight, but if I don't record it all...I'll forget. These little intricate details are a part of my life. The building blocks of who I am. I want to remember every last moment of it.
So I can look back, and know that my life...was a life well lived.
- Billy (One of the 'gay' boys at work! Hehehe!)
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