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Waited for what? I don't know. Something. Anything. Answers. Questions. Perhaps more tears. But whatever it was that I was hoping to find in my solitude...it wasn't coming.

I stared up at the night time sky, the darkness brightening ever so slightly with the dawn only two or three hours away. The stars seemed so bright to me. Their twinkling clarity was almost a burden to my sensitive eyes. But I remember them. I remember them well. And the way they looked when Taryn first brought me out of that trailer. I can still remember the smile on my face as I took my first few shakey steps on the ground, experiencing the beauty of the night in a way that I had never seen it before. The crispness of the air, the taste of it on my lips. The first few realizations that this was real, and this was love. My, how things have changed since then.

I rubbed my stomach as I felt another small tremor roll through it. It was hard to gauge how long it would be before the thirst began to take over. I'm sure that Bryson wouldn't let me go too much longer without hunting. Not now. I was much too powerful to be out of my rational mind. Soon my thoughts would be switching over to survival instincts...and I wouldn't have a choice. Kill...or starve. Who is ever ready to make that decision?

I looked down at the sand in front of me, still, motionless, and yet...'alive' somehow. At least for me. I blinked a few times to see if I was seeing things, but the senses didn't lie. I slowly reached out my arm, and with my index finger stretched out...I made a small circle in the air. My eyes widened slowly as I saw the same circle being invisibly drawn in the sand. I never touched it, but it moved as my finger moved, following my movements, until I took in a deep breath from the subtle scare of it. Then, the entre pallette was wiped clean, as though a wind had come through and blown it away. What was I doing? What is happening to me?

It was maybe an hour that I sat there by myself. Just enjoying the quiet. Occassionally feeling some new ability 'attach' itself to me, and burrow in deeper to my subconscious for later use. It was like having worms beneath the surface of your skin...sliding back and forth through your veins, finding their place inside you....with no way for you to scratch them out. But I attempted to maintain some form of balance, mostly through ignoring the sensations crawling up my spine. If I can just make it to dawn....maybe this will stop. Maybe my body will fix itself, and I can be normal again. I just...I need to keep this contained for now.

A few seconds later, I felt a cold sensation attach itself to my arm. I looked down to see a shadow wrapping itself around me, like a small wisp of smoke. Its icy grip tightened on my arm, and I attempted to shake it loose. It began to crawl further up towards my shoulder, trying to bury itself in my sleeve, but I stopped it. I grabbed it with my other hand and literally pulled the shadow off with my fingers, throwing it to the ground in front of me. It felt like...'pain'. Like, 'insecurity', and 'shame', and 'shyness'. Fear. A feeling of being less than special. That small shadow didn't just appear here....it must have actually come from somewhere. From someone. And it was trying to attach itself to me...the same way Comicality's cloak of shadows attached itself to him. I watched the small dark form spasm a bit in the dirt, and then it swiftly hopped up to scamper off into a dark corner behind me.

It was then that I could feel a gentle pressure expanding wthin me. An almost inaudible high pitched ring in my senses. It only took a few seconds to put two and two together. "You've gotten a lot better, Dylan." I said. "You'd almost be completely invisible, but your movements give you away." Had I just repeated the same comment that Comicality told me once before, not long ago?

Saying it outloud, made Dylan shut his extra off, and he came out of the shadows to join me. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to spy on you, or anything...I just..."

"...Wanted to make sure that I was alright?" I replied.

"Yeah....I suppose..." He nodded. How a vampire with such a finite blood supply could afford to blush so often was a complete mystery to me sometimes. Dylan timidly stepped closer to me, and instead of sitting down next to me, he knelt down in front of me and put his hands on my knees. "You don't look too good. I was worried. We all are...kinda."

"I'm fine. I'm just going through a few changes right now and...it's got me feeling like I don't fit in my own skin. That's all." I told him. "There's really nothing you could do to help me. You could only make it worse."

His eyes drooped a bit, and his thin lips frowned in the most subtle way. I had almost forgotten how fragile Dylan's feelings could be sometimes. "Oh....I see. That's ok. I guess....I guess I'll just....leave you alone then...."

But I stopped him before he vanished on me. "I DO like the company though." I said. "If for no other reason than to take my mind off of things for a while." His fawn-like hazel eyes peeked up at me for a moment, searching to see if I really wanted him to stay or if I was just being nice. Working up the energy to give him a slightly crooked smile seemed to give him his answer. He perked up instantly, and quickly scooted over to sit at my right side. I could feel his excitement, magnified. It was a serious rush that flooded my mind all at once and gave me a chill all over. I gasped from the sensation as he moved close enough to where our legs and shoulders touched. Geez, it certainly didn't take a whole lot to make HIM feel better, did it?

Dylan looked at me for a moment, and I looked back, and he suddenly realized that he had no idea what he wanted to say to me. He paused for a second, and then just smiled with a blush as he forgotten his entire reasn for even coming over there. I couldn't help but to laugh, and he giggled playfully right beside me. It felt good to laugh. So good. Even though my head was spinning and my eyes were burning...Dylan's presence actually did make me feel a little bit better than I was sitting here alone. "Sorry...hehehe, I just..." He said softly.

"Don't worry about it. We can just sit here if you want."

"No...I wanna talk." He grinned. Looking at him closely...he was still so young. Hell, he had only been a vampire for a few months more than I have. He was just as much a newblood as I was. And yet, he seemed to have such a good handle on all of this darkness. Better than I did. Maybe another few months is all it takes? "I saw you fight." He said, almost laughing nervously at his own comment.

"Hehehe, you did?"

"Um...yeah. A little bit. Back at the club." He hid his face for a second, but then managed to look me in the eye. "You were...awesome, Justin."

"Thanks."

"I never saw anybody fight like that before. I kinda wanted to stay and watch."

"Funny...I kinda wanted to run and hide." I told him. His face then melted into something a little bit more serious, and his smile began to dissolve as he looked back down at the ground. He didn't say what was on his mind, but I could feel him holding back. I gave him a second to build up the nerve, and he asked me, "Your friend...that Jarrod, guy?" He paused again, trying so hard not to offend me. "He didn't get out in time....did he?"

Now it was my turn to stare at the ground. Trying to dull the image of his final moments...while he was looking to me for help. I shook my head. "No. No, he didn't."

"Did he get hurt?"

"Yeah." I felt the sadness creeping back in. Cascading down on my shoulders like an ice cold shower. "He didn't make it. I mean....I tried, but...." I didn't even know how to finish that thought. I didn't know how to justify letting him down. "He was counting on me."

"I'm sure that...he couldn't have been helped. I mean, you fought those guys really hard..."

"Not hard enough." I said abruptly, cutting him off. "Trevor's right. I don't have any fucking idea what I'm doing. All this energy and it's useless because I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with it."

"Maybe you're not supposed to do anything with it." Dylan said. "Maybe you're just supposed to...'understand' it or something." There was a silence, as the simplicity of his answer attempted to sink in through my armor of misery and regret. "I guess you just have to have a little bit of faith in God's plan for you."

"Psh...please, don't even get me started on that."

"What?"

I wanted to stop myself before I said something to hurt his feelings, but he was waiting for an answer. "Dude...look, I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but so far God's plan for me has been one of the most sadistic and unforgiving conspiracies ever created. Frankly, I'm sick of it and wish he would go pick on somebody else for a change." I said "I TRIED to believe, you know? I did. It's not like I never went to church or celebrated the holidays or...absorbed whatever brainwashing they could give me at the door. But...I can't just give myself over to something that isn't there. I can't. Especially now."

"It's ok, Justin. You don't really have to believe the way they 'tell' you to. But you've got to believe in something, even if it's just...good old fashioned luck."

"Yeah, well, I don't." I said. "You don't know what it's like, Dylan....to grow up in so much pain, with no way out. Nobody listens, nobody cares. And you spend your nights praying that things will get better. And they only get worse. I wasn't just some spoiled kid praying for a video game system, or a bunch of action figures, or some trivial yuppie trinket that I could do without. I just..." I paused for a moment, as a lump of emotion got caught up in the back of my throat. "...I just...wanted my dad to stop hitting me. I wanted my mom to stop drinking herself sick. I wanted my best friend to stop suffering all alone in the hospital." I sniffled. "I prayed...and I prayed...and I prayed again and again...and I never got my answer. I never even got a fucking solid rejection. So I just...had to turn it all off. I bottled it up, and I shut down, and I learned that the only person I could ever depend on was me. Nobody else. Because nobody else was coming to save me. Nobody else was there." Dylan was silent, not even looking at me anymore. I felt my eyes beginning to water, but not a single tear dripped over the ledge. I reached into the collar of my shirt, and pulled out Xairen's cross that he had given me back at Dash's shelter. I lifted it over my head and held it in my hand. "I fight, and I cry, and I toil, and I sacrifice as much of myself as I CAN without losing my mind...and there's nobody out there keeping score. Nobody is willing to do a goddamn thing to help me or even support my efforts. After all that I've been through, do you want to know what my only link to a higher being is? Do you want to know what my experience with the concept of God and his 'plan' for me is? It's the fact that my whole life, shitty as it was, and all the unimaginable pain that I had to suffer through....might have all been done to me on PURPOSE. Just so that I could come here, and fulfill some age old vampire prophecy...for you. That's all the proof I have. All I have to stand on. All I have to look forward to. You tell me why I should believe." As Dylan stared at his shoes, I reached out, and handed him the cross. "Here. Maybe this will do you more good than it did me. More good than it did the guy who wore it last, more good than it did the guy I tried to save tonight. Whoever it was up there that was supposed to respond to the call of this thing...he wasn't listening."

However, without accepting it, he pushed my hand away. And he told me, "Keep it. Maybe it'll remind you of something good...when you need it most."

He attempted to work up a somewhat genuine smile, those perfectly smooth cheeks of his lifted in the most adorable way. "Sighhhh...you're really sold on this stuff, aren't you?"

"Afraid so." He grinned. "I do know what it's like, Justin. My parents...they didn't understand me. They couldn't see that I was just...'different', you know? They wanted me to be better, they tried to teach me everything that they thought was right. But they got it wrong. They tried to force me, scare me, punish me. They said my belief wasn't strong enough, that's why I was so confused. They told me that I was...wicked. And for a long time, I was really hurt by that. I would have done anything to make the shame of it go away...but it didn't. And that only made the pain worse, because I was convinced that I was too weak to stop it." I had almost forgotten the vision that I saw in his mind a while back. The fury of a Bible thumping father, finding out his only son was gay. They practically tortured him with his own faith, locked him in the basement, in the dark...all alone. He seemed to recall it with a touch of sadness, but he refrained from going into too much detail about it. "But I'm not wicked, Justin. I never was. I know that now. I'm just the way God made me, flaws and all. I take comfort in that, even when it hurts."

I sighed, wondering if I wanted to see his point, or if I wanted him to see mine. Who knows? Maybe we're just locked in an eternal stalemate over this. "How do you do it, dude? What good is having faith when it can't protect you from the pain?"

Dylan simply smiled and said, "Faith doesn't get you around the pain. It gets you through it. You just have to keep it in your heart."

I was quiet for a moment, and then asked him, "What if I can't do that?"

"Well, that's what faith is all about. Learning how." He didn't say anything for a minute or two after that. I don't know if his bashful nature had returned, or if he just needed me to meditate on his answer for a bit. But everytime I tried to challenge someone on the idea of faith, they offered me such a peaceful solution. Not the arguments, brainwashing, and textbook hysteria, I was used to...but a concept that truly let me make up my own mind on what it meant....to me. It wasn't what I expected. And, damn, if it wasn't effective in the most subtle of ways.

After our shared silence, Dylan regained his smile. "You know, one of my favorite authors of scripture was this vampire mistress named 'Velora'. She wrote this entire series of verses on life purpose and suffering, and her understanding of them. Oh man, she was so awesome." He said, the sparkle fully returning to his eyes. "She said that...when someone realizes their chosen path for greatness, it is fate's ultimate plan to blockade the road with seemingly insurmountable obstacles. That the pain, and the misery, and the struggle it takes to reach the goal at the end of the path, is in many ways a necessary part of every soul's journey."

He was smiling, but I didn't quite understand. "Why?"

"So that when you finally arrive at the very height of your ambition....you arrive lacking nothing." He told me. His eyes met mine with a grin all their own. "Her verses tell us that...the hard times aren't a sign of an irresistable force working 'against' us, but a powerful force working to prepare us for the greatness we were meant to achieve. If those scriptures were written for anybody, it would be you. The vampire 'Mimic'." He giggled. "Her writings are so real. Something about her words...they always make me feel so rewarded, you know?" Then his eyes widened a bit. "Hey! Do you wanna read some of her stuff? I've got all of her scriptures downloaded from Doc's laptop! I had to collect aluminum cans for THREE MONTHS to get money to print them all out! But I can let you read 'em if you want!" You know...out of the entire time that I've been in this lot, I don't think Dylan has ever shared such a long conversation with me. Hell, he was only a few sentences ahead of Kid as far as words spoken in my direction were concerned. He had been so 'cut and run' before, too timid to really share more than a few wise words and a friendly hello. Just to have him...I don't know...'open up' to me so easily all of the sudden...it made me feel good.

"I'd like that." I told him. "Maybe you and I can go over them together."

"Yeah??? Sweet! I'll show you all of her BEST stuff! She's amazing! I'd love to actually meet her someday! I hear she's almost 99 years old now! She's been hiding underground, but one day, if she ever resurfaces, I'd travel ANY distance to go see her. She's like my idol." I think Dylan suddely realized that he was being a groupie, and his blush returned. "Hehehe, sorry. I get carried away sometimes."

"Don't be. I like it." I smiled.

"You know...I was always the 'new kid' before you came along. Everybody was already kinda paired up and they had known each other for so long. Nobody ever really made it easy for me to talk to them like this before. Except for you." He said. "Oh....and Dion." He peeked at me out of the corner of his eye, and giggled a little to himself as he practically fell in love all over again with the mere mention of him. "He's the one who talked to me most of the time. He taught me how to hunt, how to pick a place to sleep...hehehe, he was so sweet to me. Just being around him made me sooooo nervous, Justin. You have no idea. Everything about him is beautiful. And he just...he shared it with me, you know? He made me feel...like I mattered. For the first time ever."

"You really love him, don't you?" I said, seeing Dylan practically floating away from me on a cloud of joy.

"Yeah, I think I do."

"And the sex is good, right?" Hahaha! I think that just about shocked the hell out of him, and Dylan gave me the weirdest look before he burst out laughing.

Then, he ran his fingers through his soft sandy blond hair, and sheepishly bit the corner of his bottom lip. "Um...hehehe...yeah.....I guess so." He said under his breath. He might not have wanted to say it out loud, but I could practically feel the heat of his blush emanating from his cheeks. He giggled nervously again as I looked at him from the side, and he said, "Yeah, that part is good too."

"Really good?" How far could I push this exactly?

Dylan looked over his shoulder to see if anyone else was around, and then whispered, "EXTREMELY good."

"Hehehe, thatta boy." I said. I looked up and saw Doc wheeling himself around the corner, and it was then that I noticed the brightening sky above us. I didn't think it was that late.

"You done partying over here yet, Dylan? Or are you looking to stay out and get a tan?" He smiled.

Dylan looked at me as though I were responsible for his answer. I gave him a nod, and he stood up on his feet. "Yeah...I'm coming."

"Good. Because I think your boyfriend back there was looking for a little loving before sleepy time." Doc teased.

"Oh...he just...um...." Dylan swallowed hard, that adorable shade of fear sparkling in his eyes as he never wanted to disappoint. "I've gotta go." He started to walk off, but then he stopped suddenly, turned around, and gave me a tight hug around the neck.

"Hehehe, well....thank you! I think." I told him.

"You're welcome. Um...you didn't, like, 'absorb' anything, did you?" He asked.

"Dude, I have no idea how this thing works. So your guess is as good as mine." He stood there for a second or two, not knowing whether it was polite to 'run off' yet or not. But just seeing him standing there stalling when his favorite boy was waiting to give him some more of that EXTREMELY good sex was breaking my heart. "GO already! Hehehe! Get outta here!"

"Thanks! Bye!" He said, and I swear, he was practically skipping his way back to the center of that lot. Leaving me and Doc behind.

Now Doc was a real pro when it came to diguising his feelings, but I could tell from the look in his eyes that he had something to tell me. And it wasn't going to be anything good.

I stood up on my feet and dusted myself off, stretching my legs and arms as I tried to adjust again. "So Bryson sent you over to make sure I get to bed on time, huh?"

"Yeah. That....and something else." He said. I walked closer, and Doc's face got more serious. Even though he tried to keep a bit of that adorable smile.

"I take it that's not good news."

"Well, it's not bad news." I had to smile at his lame attempt to sugarcoat the situation.

"Bryson and I need to see you tomorrow night when you wake up. Ok? There are some important things we need to discuss. It's nothing to be worried about, really...but...you might need to know about it."

"I doubt that you guys could surprise me with anything at this point." I told him. "Whatever it is...I'll just deal with it. What other choice do I have?"

"Your choices are endless, dude. That's why you need guidance. There are too many bad ones out there for you to make." He rolled closer and looked into my eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"Weird. And a little dizzy." I said. "Talking to Dylan helped a little bit though."

"Head hurt?"

"Kinda. It's more like...my eyes. My skin. I feel so mixed up. But...maybe it'll be better when I sleep."

By the concerned look in his eyes, he didn't seem convinced. "Yeah. Maybe." He paused for a second, and told me to, "Lean down." I did as he asked, and he put the back of his hand against my forehead. "You've got a little bit of a fever for a vampire. But it's not too bad."

"I don't think what I'm feeling right now has anything to do with me physically. I mean, everything works alright. If anything, I healed up so fast that most of my wounds are already gone. But...." I stopped tlking, not knowing where my conversation could possibly go from there.

"But what?" He asked me.

"I dunno, Doc. Something's wrong. I don't know what I picked up in that place, but I've got this unsettling feeling that something is 'coming'. Something bad. And I'm not going to be able to do anything about it."

I don't think even Doc knew what to say about that. He didn't have an answer. And Doc was the undisputed king of answers when it came to most things vampire related. Instead, he told me, "I talked to Pan for a bit and tried to find out some more information on Mimics...but we may have to shut that plan down pretty soon. It seems that the rumors have gotten around, and the Elders are getting a bit itchy about it. Pan can't snoop too far or for too long, because they'll be checking to see where the info is being downloaded to. And who he's supplying with it. He doesn't wanna take the risk and neither do I."

"I understand. Tell him thanks for me, ok?"

"I would have found out more at the Ice Zone club if I could have gotten into the Nifty archive on the second night we were there. Seems some fucking punks went in there and tore up the place something awful."

"Oh....oh yeah...? Imagine that." I said softly, looking down at the ground, knowing that I was responsible.

"That's just stupid! I mean, who vandalizes a library of scriptures?"

"Yeah....stupid punks."

"Well, at any rate, I'll find out what I can and get back to you. Ok?" He started to roll away, but he turned and said, "It's really important for you to see Bryson and me tomorrow night, ok? No waking up early and sneaking off without talking to us first."

I raised my right hand. "I'll stay. Promise."

"Good. Now get back to camp. And talk to Taryn! Please? He's been a basket case ever since you came over here. He's driving the rest of us crazy."

"Hehehe, sure thing."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my place. It looks like Dion is sticking me with Napolean tonight while he gets freaky with his teenage twinkie. Wow...lucky me." He said, and turned to roll himself back to the others.

I stayed there for a moment, looking upwards and still seeing the faded glimmer of the stars as they were slowly beginning to be drowned out by the sun's approaching brilliance. I wasn't that far from the dawn, and I needed to get back. But that 'feeling'...that dark, foreboding feeling...it wouldn't leave me. It felt as though I could see a giant tidal wave of pain and misery in the distance, heading towards me and everyone I love at the speed of sound. Waiting to crash up against us and leave nothing but destruction in its wake. It was like a beacon of pure hatred....out 'there' somewhere. And it was waiting. Waiting for me. Biding its time. And sharpening its blade for the day that we finally get to meet face to face.

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