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We had all known each other since the 3rd grade, and yet, we could never have anticipated that we would be as close as we are now. Or that we'd even be FRIENDS someday, for that matter. However, here we are, just the five of us, sitting around the same restaraunt table on a Friday night sharing slices of the same Chicago pizza. Laughing it up and having fun. We had been coming to this place on a regular basis for quite some time now, so the cooks already knew exactly how we liked our pizza, with just a little burn on the crust. And the bartender would add extra grenadine to our cokes as a treat. There's nothing better than being 'known' when you walk into a place like that.

Like I said before, it really is strange to think that at age 16 we are chatting and laughing like old friends, when we had such a weird history. Take Kyle for instance...he used to beat us up for our lunch money back in junior high. DAILY! Not that he was really all that big, but he was bigger than we were...and that counted for a lot back then. There was a time when I would tremble in his presence. Now I just kinda sit back and look at him. Short, spikey brown hair, and brown eyes...well sculpted, and yet not bulky at all. Mmmm, and a lickable stomach. I know because he's the kind to easily walk around without a shirt on. Not that he was a show off, he just knew that he had absolutely nothing to hide. It was a beautiful sight to behold. He was a sports nut, which none of the rest of us were really into, but it didn't seem to matter. He was actually a really good guy when you got to know him. And even though the other 'jock' types at school adored and idolized him, he was always most comfortable hanging out with us instead. Go figure. I wonder about him sometimes, because although he's known for his occassional dirty jokes and macho appearance...when he and I are alone, he just seems to naturally soften up around me. I can actually see his 'sensitivity' come through, and it's kinda...well...cute. Hehehe! Not to mention that he touches me more than anyone I know! Hugs, squeezes, and an occassional massage that relaxes every muscle in my body...except one. And if I thought for a second I could get him to relax THAT one, I'd be the happiest teenager alive.

Then there's my best friend, Doug. Someone who I had originally fell head over heels for as my very first crush on another boy. The first time I saw his sandy blond brilliance walk passed me in the hallway, I was instantly smitten. That alone kept me away from him all the way up until our freshman year of high school. We never spoke, and I'm always amazed by the fact that when we finally did, it all came so easy to me. It was a gym class where we were partnered up for badminton where I was forced myself to finally talk to him...and a few months later, I was somehow throwing myself into the dreaded 'friend zone'. ARRRGH! The WORST place to be sometimes. I value our friendship more than anything, but I can't help but dream about the possibilities once in a while. There aren't that many people that I have that much in common with. I'd swear that Doug and I were seperated at birth sometimes. We can finish each other's sentences easily, and we can talk about anything. Although, I still haven't told him that I'm gay yet. I just never worked up the courage, afraid that he'd figure out why I started talking to him in the first place and being...you know...weird about it all.

Now Damon was possibly one of the most quiet kids in junior high. Shy, withdrawn, I might even go so far as to say anti-social. Some of the other kids called him names simply because he was a bit of a waif and so soft spoken. That and the fact that he never fought back really. He never spoke a single word to me before last year, when I just so happened to give him some space in my locker when his lock got stuck between classes. He seemed so grateful and overwhelmed for the help, that I decided to invite him to the movies with us that night. Not so much out of pity, I guess I just saw something so...sweet behind that pretty face of his. He had the cutest light brown hair and huge green eyes, and an almost 'elven' quality to hs smile. It took some work, but we opened him up a little. Now we're the only people he really talks to at school. He's different when he's around us, normal even. I'm sure other people think that he's some kind of a weirdo sometimes, but he's the most normal person in the world when his confidence is up and running. I had a dream about kissing him once. Long, deep, passionate kissing. It was beyond orgasmic, and it made me see him in a whole new light after that. That soft, flexible, smooth body of his, held up against mine. The idea drove me wild, and I took a guilty pleasure in using the poor kid in many of my afternoon jack-off sessions. I have been keeping an eye open for signals ever since. Fingers crossed, and always trying to figure out exactly what was on his mind.

Then...there's Stevie. A genuine basket case if ever I saw one. He's what we gay guys like to call "Fool's Gold". Basically, he's one of those super hot blonds that everyone falls all over and thinks that he's too good looking to possibly be gay...but he is. He's the only person that knows about me, and I'm the only person that knows about him. It's been our shared secret since the 8th grade. I had bumped into him at an arcade one afternoon, and somehow, we caught each other looking at the same guy. Hehehe, it makes me laugh now that I think about it. The kid was some random hottie and he was riding one of the motorcycle games, his full cheeks pointed in our direction as we tried to concentrate on something else. Anyway, a few days later Stevie found my number in the phone book and gave me a ring, basically telling me the whole story. It was a weird experience, but we both got a lot off of our chests that day, and it soon led to a small 'relationship' that lasted for quite a while without definition. It still doesn't have one. No sex, just some kissing and dry humping mostly. I'm not sure why we neve went all the way, other than I was too scared, and so was he. I could always tell when he really wanted it though, because his kissing would be so intense, so wild, so emotional. And his grinding was full of the sexual frustration that gay teens carry around with them like a ton of luggage. The hardest part of our little escapades was trying to dodge the judgemental eyes of the public while we were out, and with our new circle of friends and different schedules...it became too hard for us to get together in private anymore. So the make out sessions slowed down considerably, and eventually stopped about 9 months ago. Sigh...God how I would love to be his boyfriend. To actually be able to 'say' it, you know? See...the weird thing is, we never said we were ever 'together', but we never said it was 'over' either. So nowadays I'm usually left interpreting every wink and a smile as something with a hidden double meaning. I think the only thing keeping us apart was the fact that we were both too afraid to make the actual committment. But if things change, and I HOPE they do someday, I'd love to try. Especially since he's been excessively affectionate towards me again, perhaps looking to make it real this time. And permanent.

And me? I'd like to think of myself as visibly straight. Ashamed? No, not at all. I just hate trying to justify myself to other people, as thought it really mattered. I can easily take the teasing or the questioning or the 'you're going to hell' type garbage that people throw at homosexuals in today's society. The question is, do I really want to? No matter how many times I ask myself that question, the answer is always no. And I'm happy with that decision. I don't need people whispering, "hey, did you hear Brian's a fag?" behind my back. That's just ridiculous. I just want to be 'me', and that's it. I know I keep to myself a lot, but I've never been one to have people working out the intricate details of what I consider to be my business. That's all there is to it.

And there it is. Five friends who met in elementary school, didn't really interact with one another until junior high, and didn't actually become friends until the middle of high school. Me, my hunk of a jock, my first crush, my cute little obsession, and my 'uninitiated' boyfriend. Four boys that I've all looked at with lustful eyes at one time or another. Hey, I'm 16, gimme a break. I'm not going to claim to be in love with them all, but there isn't a single one that I wouldn't mind 'exploring' with. A complete relationship...something about it seems so scary. The idea of being a part of someone, of being faithful, of giving and taking and being totally in love. How do I figure out who I want to be with? I've never really dated before, and being gay, I can't really ask one of my friends their opinions on it. Well...except for Stevie, but I think we've both silently agreed to not talk about 'gay' stuff around the others. Only when we're alone, and that wasn't too often. I guess I just have to pretend that I know what I'm dong for now, and later hope that I learn along the way.

"Pizza's up guys." The waiter said, and we all sat back as he put the steaming plate down in front of us. He served us all a single slice each and we lifted our plates up together. "To another week that we survived at school." Kyle pronounced, and we all clinked our plates together to celebrate the 'toast'. It was our Friday habit at first, but we lately, we had turned it into a tradition. It was great. I looked around the table, and Damon was quietly eating his pizza as usual, not saying much. Kyle never needed a fork and knife, he always just bit into the slice and then made faces as he pretended that the molten hot cheese wasn't burning the roof of his mouth. Once a jock, always a jock. Stevie took the dainty little bites, so clean and precise. And Doug was just...normal. Hehehe! Eating at the exact same pace that I was. I tell you, it was eerie.

"So what's on after this? You guys want to hit a movie or something?" Doug asked.

Kyle chimed in with a mouthfull of hot cheese. "Sounds good to me."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Dude, I KNOW that's hot!"

"What? THIS? Screw you pretty boy! Real men eat their pizza hot. Not in itty bitty pieces at a time like you fine ladies here." He smiled.

Naturally, as I expected, this caused Stevie to put himself in heterosexual-mode and start eating with his hands. Always giving in to the popular opinion, changing to not feel outcasted. I suppose being that hot and not having a girlfriend can make a guy pretty paranoid about looking too 'un-manly' at the dinner table.

"So, you comin' Brian. It wouldn't be a party without ya." Doug looked me directly in the eye when he said it, and it sent a shiver down my back. If only I could ditch this love I had for him inside for a few seconds, I might be able to not come off like such a dork.

"Um...yeah. Sure. I'm in." As though I could say no. His blue eyes could inspire me to committ murder if he wanted me to. "Damon? You coming?" I always made it a point to include him in the conversation. Without some kind of incentive, he could easily fade into the background and not say a single word for an hour. Besides, I loved to see him smile.

"Yeah...sure. I'll go." And he smiled...wow, I lived for that.

"Good, it's settled then. Hurry up bitches! Let's get out of here!" Kyle shoved some more in his mouth, probably too much, and the look on his face made us all laugh outloud. "Ahhh shit! That's hot!"

"Well quit EATING it like that ya dork!" Doug shouted. And that's when I saw Stevie start using his utensils again. I guess he thought it was 'safe' now.

I looked over at Doug as he was eating, and he caught me. He just grinned and began talking to me about this and that, and he just captivated every fiber of my being when he spoke. His voice was indescribably cute, and I never could look at him for too long without my eyes glazing over and falling back into my infatuation with him. I mean, Damon was much sweeter, Kyle had a much better body, and Stevie was the hottest one out of all of us. But something about Doug went beyond all of that, and I was so incredibly silly over this kid. It was embarassing.

I had to mentally force myself to stop staring, and while Stevie was still talking to me, I looked away for a second. My eyes falling on Stevie. Call it an ego if you want, but whenever I turned to look at Stevie, it always looked like he was trying not to get caught staring at me. A few secretive glances, a few shy smiles, and a billion thoughts in both my mind and his. There was always a connection there, and it went beyond sex, because we never had any. But to try and define it would be impossible. I looked at him for a moment longer, that smooth skin, that gorgeous blond hair, and a face that must have been sculpet by God himself. Every feature of his face and body was without flaw, and it just connected so well to make a complete picture of raw beauty that could draw tears from someone gazing at it for too long. Wow...and to think, I used to kiss those lips. As I stared on, he looked up, evidently unaware that I was still looking in his direction. I could have sworn I had seen him blush from getting caught.

He quickly changed his composure and just addressed the table, "So what movie are we going to see?" He asked.

"Ummmm...I don't know, whatever is playing at the mall cinema. There's gotta be an action flick of som sort playing." Kyle answered.

Doug spoke up, "No action flicks man. The last one was so bad I almost walked out in the middle of it. I say we go see a comedy and laugh our asses off. At least that way, will get something out of it."

I saw that Damon wanted to make a suggestion, I could see it in his eyes. But he backed down. So I coaxed it out of him. "Any ideas Damon?"

"I...I was gonna say that...maybe we could just see the new Jackie Chan flick. I mean...if you want. It's action...and comedy." Damon was soft spoken, but we always listened to what he had to say. He was a smart kid, cool, funny, and creative...whether he knew it or not. I'm thinking...not.

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