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You rarely see any of your part in these things, you see my attempts to make you see them as nothing more than me taking out my anger on you-when it has in fact all been a FUTILE effort to get you to see that we did not get to this sad point soley because I have problems-we got here because we both have them.
Im not going to debate everything you said, Ill just point out that you've decided for me what is true and what isn't true-about my feelings about you and Dan, in particular. You have always chosen to discount my TRUE feelings about you and Dan-well, I will tell you for the last time that I am not jealous of him and I do hope for the two of you to live happily ever after. You finding that impossible to believe doesn't make it untrue-but it's one more reason why we have problems, that you find motives for my behavior that only reflect some hangup you have about me and how I supposedly look at Dan or you and Dan, instead of knowing the way I truly feel. Everytime you do that you miss the real reason for something and that is one more time we've been on different pages and that leads to nowhere good in a relationship since all relationships depend on good communication to remain healthy.
You never seem to 'get it', always finding something to 'explain' my behavior that blames me rather than seeing that sometimes your own behavior plays a part. To give one sad example, one of many that you write off as 'jealousy' when in fact is it just plain hurt over the way you have often told me one thing but acted another way. That huge hug you gave someone, right at my BB where I'd have to see it. Do you really find it strange that it hurt me so? Supposedly I was your best friend, but that was the most blatent example of something you've often done-showing some other guy more affection, more appreciation than you've shown me in months. How was that supposed to make me feel, bobbi? Good?! Confident of where I stood with you? No, of course not-it made me feel like any man in my exact situation would've felt-hurt, doubtful and hurt again that you would do that right in front of me since you knew as well as I did that you hadnt shown me such feeling in eons.
The problems that you see are almost entirely the result of the confusion, worry and pain I have felt from YOUR behavior-your crazy, inconsistent behavior, your pushing away, then coming back close when you need me, pushing away again, etc etc. The 'best friend' you said I was and then the way you treated me so often at both BBs, as if I wasn't even on your radar, so often.
I could give example after example of the contradictions between 'being best friends' and how you treated me over the last 8 months especially.
But this latest thing was the final straw and the fact THAT YOU CONTINUE TO IGNORE IT proves once again that you ignore anything that shows the part your problems have played in OUR problems. You've ignored this, the MAIN ISSUE throughout all of this, our last emails and this craziness here-crazy because I keep hoping that ONCE you will say something about this, but NO, once again you choose to sidestep something that you did that anyone would have a big problem with.
You changed almost all of our relationship and you knew it when you did it and you knew the reason why-but you DIDN'T TELL ME beforehand, didn't give me ANY warning-didn't explain it while it was happening-in fact, you lied to me about it and when you finally did tell me the truth, in a general sort of way you verified my guess at what had really happened over two and half months prior when the changes took affect. You decided to do as Dan wanted, but YOU DIDN'T TELL ME and that was beyond the pale.
To just change everything and let me find out the hard way, even giving me false hope along the way once or twice when you knew better-than was not just another of your lies, that was a huge wrong that would be hard to forgive even if you had the compassion and common decency to feel bad about having treated me that way and had done something so rare it would almost be unique- asked for forgiveness.
What you see as my behaving badly has been my trying to adjust to your strange ways of treating someone you claim is your best friend, that you claim you care about so very much, etc.
You have so often behaved otherwise it has been too hard on me, pardon me for not being so flexible-but if you think about how you made Dan feel better, more secure and more loved and then think of how youve often treated me you will see that too often you've done the OPPOSITE with me than you did to help Dan become a happier man.
You don't push away someone rather than communicate and work on problems, withhold affection, change so much without explaining it, control almost everything but call me the controller (!), not try to change YOUR problems, blame it all on me, distance me some more for 'punishment', thenc come back closer when you need me, make me 'mr invisible' at the BBs so often, treat other guys better, act like almost anything a couple of guys do at the BBs just makes tickles you to pieces or makes you melt with real feeling for them that I never see anymore, in public or private, remind me there of how you once treated me which hurts-but you don't stop it because you obv don't care that it hurts me, sometimes embarass the hell out of me at my own BB, act like other guys who did far less are big heroes, expect me too change to suit you when you won't change a thing to suit me, treat me with great inconsistency, refuse to even try to grant me parity in our communications, withhold thank yous, sit on a wonderful gift that was meant for me for endless months (that others expected my thank you for months and months ago, damn it), never see your part in any of it, never apologize, never want to even look at me while you compliment other guys photos and ask for more, then-more recently, end OUR games unilaterally and without telling me the REAL reason, end our chats, in fact END OUR RELATIONSHIP as it was-creating a ridiculous 'friendship curfew' that went into effect after maybe 3 pm, my time, everyday-and it was often in effect all day long, too (!) and then, IGNORE THAT, the main issue that YOU are completely RESPONSIBLE for and to this second continue to ignore as if it never happened (!!!) and continue to show not a sign of human feeling about, etc etc and then you think you get to say it's all been my fault and you've tried so hard, blah blah blah???!!! NO WAY!
You are utterly hopeless in your denial of your role in all of this. Everytime I start to feel bad about banning you, you show me afresh why it's the best thing to do. I was right to worry over all those confusing signs, those contradictory things that told me you couldn't feel much for me and behave that way-you've become almost devoid of any real feeling for me, you won't even act like it matters to you that it hurt me so much when you ended almost everything and it hurt a lot more when I found out that you told Dan 'NO MORE BOB' and didn't tell BOB!!! UNEFFINGBELIEVABLE, bobbi.
There isn't a way on earth I could live with someone who could do that to me being at my BB. It was hard enough tolerating the other UNbestfriend-like behavior you often exhibited there.-bob, hoping you and yours have a great life and that you have a happy birthday-I still care, but obviously YOU DON'T
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