Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your
contribution is not tax-deductible.)
PayPal Acct: 
Feedback: 
Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):
| [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2 ] |
The fact is that in spite of the bad years I have had, I have been a fairly happy man for a number of years. I have experienced depression only relatively recently and it's been in connection with our relationship more than anything else-not even susan or my Mom's declining health has affected me like all the changes we have gone through-most of which I have had NO say in, and there is part of the problem. But my depression, what there is of it is due to the fact that I really cared about you and it was a nightmare after things changed and more recently it began to get bad again when I realized that you didn't care nearly as much as you once had, as recently as when my BB was new-it hurt so much to lose what we once had and then, once we had somehow gotten through all of that see that once again things were changing, this time in what I thought we both wanted-a lifelong FRIENDship-nothing more and nothing less.
Things changed, you changed but while you denied it you continued to make it clearer and clearer over time and as much as the optimistic side of me tried to deny it, too you kept making it more obvious and sometimes in ways that hurt me to the core, such as the BB gift, the way you treated other guys and making it obvious you didn't care what I looked like anymore-friends care about things like that, friends don't hold gifts hostage and best friends don't treat friends better than their best friend right in front of him and then expect that to make him feel good-but you actually defended doing that which was just one more sign of how much things had changed and it all hurt-sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.
That one month you split with me completely was a very bad month, but you know as time went on I felt better than I had in ages. When you came back I was relieved, but I also knew in my heart that it was probably not going to get much better since by then you'd been treating me differently for at least a few months and the fact that even after you were back you were still treating a couple of guys like they were your real best friends didn't give me much hope.
Hell, you knew at least one of them had a crush on you and you were encouraging it and denying that with a straight face while you said things to him that you hadn't said to me in months. And then telling me you couldn't act that way toward me because you were a 'married woman' and people would talk, etc.
But later you told be that was all a delusion of mine. Right, well it was a SHARED delusion-shared by: me, the guy with the crush, another guy you treated special, his wife (!), and several other regulars at the BB who saw how you were responding to those two guys. Quite a powerful 'delusion' I had there.
While Im in the neighborhood of that month when you dropped me like a hot potato, Ill remind you of how UNunderstanding (and hypocritical)you were of something you've done yourself-you have told all kinds of people negative stuff about me, not just dan, but other family members and friends, you've made that plainer and plainer, esp of late-but my telling someone who was still close to me and HER telling the world was treated exactly as if I had done that-not her-and you did the same thing then that you almost always do-refuse to even hear or read my side of it, instead deleting emails, blocking me in all ways and even coming up with a ridiculous, PHONY timeline in a desperate attempt to prove what you wanted to believe-that I had told her that stuff after she had shown hostility toward you when I actually had told her ON THE DAY it happened months before that!!
And to top that sorry episode off-YOU made it plain to the world that what she said was true enough by blatently ignoring me for days at the BB-even when I posted Dan's Iraq pix for you. Anyone who knew us and who heard about her post could easily put 2 + 2 together-and you made it that easy, you who complains so loudly when I say anything anywhere that even HINTS at discord between us, like that time we both left the BB only the truth was that I LEFT FIRST, you just forgot that detail and still blamed me for making OUR fight obvious when you left after I did and you also forgot that what I said when I left easily fit my disgust with the WTF battles as much as you tried to make it fit something else.
You 'fueled Dan's fire' more than I fueled hers, because when I told her she didn't have a fire to fuel-but Dan had a long history of being upset with me, you FUELED his most recent outbursts that ultimately lead to all of this, since altho you reassured me that you were working on calming him down and told me not to worry about it, only a bit later you gave into his wishes to stop contacting me...and you didn't tell me that was what you actually did until much, much later. You wouldn't even look at the posts I dug up that proved my case, no-you WANTED to believe the very worst, Bobbi! That's 180 degrees away from friendship and you kept it up for a solid month.
BTW, during the course of the aftermath of that horrible month you admitted something that makes a big liar out of you, yet again and there's no way to ever deny it since what you told me then makes you either a liar way back when or right then-there's no way both things can be true and yet you told me both of them-but I wont go into that, but I'll never forget it. A huge lie. Surprise.
You also once again gave me false hope, something you're good at as you did that just before you ended almost everything in January and even afterward, telling me stuff that implied the changes were only temporary when you knew better. Back during the month we were completely split up you started posting to me again at the BB as if you were feeling better toward me, as if you had realized that you hadn't been fair in not listening to me, etc.-but it was all an ACT, as you told me that night when I found you at Lit and asked if you still wanted to be my assistant.
Really rotten of you to lead me on and give me hope only to once again pull the rug out from under me. Once more what you wanted and what you felt was all that mattered to you. What you should have done is told me via email that you'd be ACTING like my friend so I wouldn't get my hopes up.
Quit wasting your time coming here with half-truths, BS and outright lies that you think will prove you were an angel and I was the devil. There is blame enough for both of us, but only I know that and frankly Im so sick of you not accepting ANY of the blame- that is why I'm writing all this. Its a release to tell my side, even if no one is reading it. No, you weren't a devil, either-but after not hearing an 'Im sorry,Bob' for any of this excuse me if I almost see horns on your head sometimes. I've never known anyone who refuses to face his/her actions as much as you do and who absolutely won't see the other person's point of view at all-that is why I've actually thought you might be a narcisist, it seems that no matter what you can only see what you want and anything you do to get things your way is perfectly alright with you. No matter who gets hurt and when they're hurt you never say 'Im sorry', no-whatever you did to them is justifiable to you, it's all their own fault, they're just collateral damage in your search for your own happiness.
I WAS THERE, I know what really happened, save all of this self-serving 'bobbi the saint' nonsense for people who don't know the FULL STORY.-bob
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]