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Date Posted: 14:53:13 05/04/14 Sun
Author: GoodWillTalking
Subject: Raven Update 5/1/14

Hey Guys,

The PET Scan is coming. I should have the results by Tuesday. I know I haven't been out here much lately, but we have had so much on our plates with all of this (John and I). When Cat first met John while she was with me during one of my chemo sessions, she said that she could tell what a decent man he was in just the short time we spent together that day. That he has such beautiful sparkling blue eyes too (a cute and precious moment there). She was right on the money (and Cat is even more beautiful in person than her gorgeous pictures, and even more lovelier than the beautiful Lindsay we know and love from One Life To Live). John is truly one of the most decent men walking this earth. They are beautiful blue eyes indeed. He is a beautiful man. A beautiful person.

I have wanted to post a picture, but we know that with John's job, more than a few will probably recognize him out here, and know exactly what part of the country we live in. I would love to just shake my ex for making me live this way. We have moved out of state as it is just to get away from him and his bizarre obsession with me. It's why I have had to be so careful. I know that 99% of you get it, and I have discussed his stalking of me on more than one occasion. John would be very recognizable. I wish you could see those beautiful blue eyes filled with so much love and kindness too. He just looked so broken and sad tonight. It's been a dark time for us that seems endless.

I have an unexplained lump underneath my left arm now, and the Shingles is crossing over now to that side as well (started on the right, now it is crossing over, which I did not think was possible, but if it can happen, it will happen to me, as we are learning). My immune system is pretty non-existent at this juncture. I am taking large doses of Antivirals to knock it back long enough to get this scan done because IT NEEDS TO BE DONE. I have to get this in the can. I put it off as long as I could, and then this new lump came along. I don't know if you can get internal lumps due to Shingles, but at this point, we are praying it's not the cancer (Angiosarcoma). Praying that it is somehow Shingles related, and not what it seems to be. This forced everyone's hand basically and so I am about to learn what is going on here. I understand now why they say ignorance is bliss. I wanted to stay that way as long as I could, and not have the results scare me right now.

We figure that one way or another, I will need to get into the hospital for them to stick a needle in this thing and do a biopsy and drain it if it is fluid filled and not solid, but we don't know much about it right now expect that it is right next to the large, original, mass that began all of this. We need to know what it is for sure. Just the thought of dealing with Interventional Radiology again has us both sick. Never had a good experience with these people ever. I didn't want to come out here and fake a smile. John was a little surprised that it took me this long to tell you about the lump, and the Shingles crossing over, but after a while, I don't even want to hear it, let alone live it. He has to remind me that most of you are my angels and truly care and want to know, but nowadays, I am just getting tired of all of it.

If it were not for some of you, who are so incredibly spiritually gifted, I would have continued to see this in the wrong way. You were right to tell me about the book of JOB. God doesn't punish us or do these things to us, but there is another that does in the hopes that we will blame God, feel he must not love us, and abandon our hope and faith. The dark realm has knocked me down a few times, and I have faltered here and there, but nothing can completely tear me away from my faith and hope. I guess I am just too strong. It must be frustrating for them to see me still standing like Catness in "The Hunger Games" as they hurl one thing after another at me without allowing me to catch my breath or get my bearings again. At least I know where it is coming from. If I have to go back into that chair, and begin chemo infusions, at least I will die fighting. This took away my health, my beautiful mane of curls, my breasts, and sometimes my hope, but it can never truly take me away from my faith (though it is sure trying to break me here). It's wearing us both down, but we are still standing together.

When I can, I will post an update and keep you in the loop as much as possible. Words will never be enough to thank you for all this incredible love and neverending support. I feel it,l see it, and it fills my heart even when it's in a million pieces and things seem impossible. Never ever ever will I forget this. I love you...

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Replies:

[> Re: Raven Update 5/1/14 -- Anonymous, 02:06:01 05/06/14 Tue [1]

Dear Raven,

Thinking of you and staying positive for you that the results will be better then you expect. Love Always!

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[> [> Re: Raven Update 5/1/14 -- Barbara, 00:06:04 05/07/14 Wed [1]

Raven,
Wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. And thinking only positive for your results today... You truly are a warrior.
Hugs, Barbara

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[> [> [> Re: Raven Update 5/1/14 -- Mistyme, 07:53:55 05/07/14 Wed [1]

Raven, Praying for you & John too. Sending lots of love & hugs your way!!!

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[> Re: Raven Update 5/1/14 -- Mike, 10:39:20 05/08/14 Thu [1]

I heard on facebook that she is in remission.
Great news. Congrats

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[> Re: Raven Update 5/1/14 -- Anonymous, 11:01:22 05/08/14 Thu [1]

Dear Raven,

I am on cloud nine right now. Woohoo! I wish you were here right now I would give you such a big hug and kiss. Rest easy now and just take it all in. XOXOXOXOXOXO

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