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Date Posted: 13:48:12 06/23/13 Sun
Author: GoodWillTalking
Subject: Update 6/22/13

Hey Guys, An early morning update for you. Getting myself acclimated to the insulin, but I haven't found the perfect dose just yet. The Levemir pen is a Godsend, and those tiny, BD, Nano, pen needles are amazing (I never feel them going into my skin EVER). The ten unit dose did next to nothing for me, so we upped it a bit, and then I upped it a little more on my own, as I could sense that it was not going to go any higher if I didn't play with it a little more. I have a feeling I will end up having to inject myself twice daily. If I use 20 units when I awaken and 20 units before bedtime, I find myself finally in range (very close). I guess when you are dealing with fasting glucose levels of 250-350, you are going to need a much larger dose of insulin, and more often than once a day. It will cost more per month, but I would never trade my new Levemir pen for anything in the world (makes everything so much easier). We are rushing the dose testing because I have to have normal blood sugar when they prick my finger on the morning of the PET Scan next week. I never had to worry before as my blood sugar was always in a healthy range, but it shot up to 231 after my very first chemo treatment, and has climbed ever since. I always thought that chemo was vomiting, nausea, and hair loss, but there are so many other things that happen to you that nobody ever warns you about.

Really on edge over this PET Scan for so many reasons. This is the big one. The last one I did showed a large mass on my left chest wall, scattered hot lymphnodes (with one near my heart), a large lump of Angiosarcoma under my right arm, cancer on my clavicle, windpipe, and more seen in various other area's of my chest, all moving towards my lung and heart. From the CT scan that was done when we had to go the emergency room, for what turned out to be a MRSA infection inside my chest, we now know that the cancer has spread to my left kidney. John and I talk about it almost every day because it's hard not to think about it. I'm scared to know, and yet I have to know (it's a terrible feeling). I tell myself that maybe there will be improvement and that things won't be as bad as I think they will be. It's amazing how different things are when it's happening to you. You cannot imagine certain things until you are at that door yourself, and suddenly you really don't have all the answers anymore.

So many of you have thanked me for sharing this journey with you because it's been an honest one, and what I feel from my heart as I walk through this. I realize now that it was a good thing to do this because one day someone may happen by here who is dealing with cancer, and see's themselves in some of these updates, and won't feel so alone. If you are not a game show host and not feeling much like waxing poetic, you will realize that it's perfectly normal considering what you are up against. That it's OK to just be honest about what you are truly feeling. There is such a large range of emotions that go through you. You can have a good day and than the next day is pure darkness. It's a rollercoaster ride. Dealing with most of the medical system out there is a battle on it's own. So little compassion with so much rudeness and carelessness. My beloved Oncologist (the one who helped me to fight this thing) will be opening his new practice any day now! I cried with so much relief! He is so key in all of this for me. The new Oncologist would probably not even blink if I died tomorrow. I've never seen such apathy in my life. We are patients who are fighting the battle of our lives, and yet we are processed and treated like cattle. I will be so glad to say goodbye to the hospital I have been going to, and never look back.

I am back on the Gleevec, and my prayers are endless. I can feel that God is with me. I used to think he was just a fairytale to help us get through, but he's real, and somehow, he hears us all as we cry out and speak to him from the heart. I know he will be there along with my precious mother as I do the scan next week. We won't know the results until Wednesday of the following week, but I promise to keep you posted. For my dear friends who are battling cancer and other painful illnesses in their lives right now, I send you so much love. I pray for you and will continue to pray for you. Thank you for these incredible posts and adorable and beautiful photo's. They are just amazing. YOU ARE AMAZING. I will never forget the love you have shown me through this nightmare. There are so many angels walking this earth (with many of them out here). I hope you have a peaceful weekend my dear friends. I love you!

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Replies:

[> Re: Update 6/22/13 -- Mistyme, 10:59:41 06/24/13 Mon [1]

Praying for you!!! Lots of Love and a Big Hug!!! The Power of Prayer is Amazing!!! God Bless You & John!!!


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[> Re: Update 6/22/13 -- wherly, 15:14:34 06/25/13 Tue [1]

You and John are such an inspiration, you both seem to have so much courage and devotion to each other that it is a blessing just to read about it. Thank you. You and your loved one's are in my prayers.


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[> Re: Update 6/22/13 -- Hannah (Healing light, love, & hope), 22:55:01 06/25/13 Tue [1]

Dearest Ravenbeauty,

May you be your beloved Oncologist's 1st patient at his new office! I hope he & Gleevec bring that miracle your way soon!

Love you!


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