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Subject: Re: So so sad

Author: Mary

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 19:27:15 03/04/05 Fri In reply to: Lucky 's message, "Re: So so sad" on 18:08:48 03/04/05 Fri Lucky, I know that it is very tough for you right now, but please do not be so hard on yourself. You have lost Josh and nothing is going to be the same for quite awhile. The first couple of weeks are very hard and you need to be gentle with yourself. Is there someone that can help you with your kids for the time being? You need time to grieve and not worry about what others think right now. If not, let them know that Mommy is sad about Josh and it is not about them. Please continue to write and let me know how you are doing. take care of yourself, Mary [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

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[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: So so sad

Author: No name [ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 15:59:22 03/05/05 Sat I have had people come and go to help me with the kids. It is just that, well, life goes on for other people. I wish it wouldn't. I still can't even understand how it is March and Josh died in February. It is as if it happened five minutes ago. It seems so fake. Shouldn't it be more real since I went through the process of laying him to rest? I mean every phone call that comes through I think it is him. I think this is all a very bad bad dream or hoax. Today we had an event at my church. That was the last place I saw Joshy alive. That pretty much stunk. Then all my aunts, uncles, and cousins went out to eat with me and my parents. My heart started beating in my chest so hard I thought it would explode. This was a Josh-type of day. I went to the restroom and tried to calm down. No one was evening talking about Josh...not a bit. What is wrong with these people? I started saying stuff about him and everyone got very quite. I just can't stand this stuff. I won't forget about him, or hide him, or be sad to call him brother. I won't act like he was never here. I won't forget him. He was half of my childhood. Mary, what is your story? Maybe it could help me.

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: So so sad

Author: Mary [ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 21:01:04 03/05/05 Sat It does not seem real at first, Lucky, when we lose them to death whether it be sudden or a long illness that takes them. I lost my sister to spinal meningitis when I was 11, she was one month shy of her 13th birthday. I was not allowed into her hospital room or able to see her after she died. I spent years trying to pretend that she did not die. My dreams were filled with her just one step ahead of me, but I could never catch up with her. And eventually I would lose her in a crowd of people. Then 6 years ago I lost my brother to a sudden heart attack. He had a congentital defect that was undetected eventhough he had recently undergone knee surgery. We were army brats (moved 19 times by the time I was 17) and because of the moving we were not only siblings but best friends. His death brought up much of the buried grief of my sister's death. It was tough dealing with the strong overwhelming emotions of my double loss. My brothers and sister were my only link to my childhood memories. I still have one brother left and he is my heart. Like you, the first Christmas after I lost my brother Carroll (he died Dec 17th); my family was together but no one was talking about him. When I brought him up everyone looked at my like I had two heads, too. If you read some of the articles on this site, they explain that many people grieve in different ways. For me, I have to talk about my loss and feelings. Some people apparantly aren't able to talk about their loss. Hmm...guess we all handle things differently. Lucky, the first months are the hardest for most people. I am not saying that you will ever get over this, but most of us do learn to live and even laugh again. But it takes time and doing what ever you need to do to heal. So don't be afraid of whatever you need to do to remember Josh and express your feelings. take care, Mary