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|Subject: Re: my sister|
Mary (First Member (smile))
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Date Posted: 13:04:25 12/12/07 Wed
In reply to: 's message, "Re: my sister" on 21:55:11 11/14/07 Wed
It has been over a year since posting due to personal illness. But thanks to a dear friend who stays in touch, I found about your post. My brother, Carroll died almost 9 years ago a week before Christmas, while running on a treadmill at a Gold's Gym. They determined through autopsy that his heart burst and he died before hitting the ground. He was the 2nd sibling I lost, the first my sister Norma died of spinal meningitis a month before her 13th birthday.
I have one sibling left who is 8 years younger. But he inexplicably stopped communicating with me during my recent illness, which fortunately I am still battling. Oh such trauma to deal with, but I am in a good place thanks to my partner, parents, and good friends. But don't get me wrong, after my brother died, the pain and grief almost killed me. It also opened up unresolved grief from my sister's death.
My story like many others on this message board is similar in that I experienced great pain over the loss, anniversary grief, anger at others whose life remained the same, sadness at the passing of events not shared with my siblings , guilt for being alive when they where gone, unsettling changes in family dynamics that continue to this day, and trouble with long term relationships ( thankfully this one is in the past as my partner and I celebrated our 8th anniversary this year).
What finally helped me was this board and my relationship with others that also lost siblings. Talking or writing about each phase with another individual who has also been there really helps. Just knowing that people like Pleasant dedicate much of her professional and personal time researching, compiling data, writing books, managing web pages, message boards, and counseling. Her fostering of healing among siblings, like all of us who have experienced grief with little or no support, is truly a gift. Reaching out to others on this board; listening, and sharing helped me to face my grief head on and also gave me the tools to manage reoccurrence. There is no magic bullet, but please reach out and start somewhere when you are ready.
There is a wealth of wonderful people that frequent this board from all walks of life. Most of us here have several commonalities; the loss of a sibling, the desire to communicate or learn about how to deal with their loss, the desire to share memories about their siblings. That is just a start, there are also wonderful individuals here that want to help others. Anyway if you are just reading these boards or actively participating, please know that you are in a safe place where people try to help each other.
Please reach out to someone that strikes a chord with you when you are ready to talk, either on this board or in person at home.
May you all have a wonderful Holiday,
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