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Date Posted: 10:10:38 02/24/08 Sun
In reply to: Katie 's message, "Left Behind" on 16:43:57 02/20/08 Wed
Your brother's death is similar to mine, except that my brother killed himself with carbon monoxide. It was ten years ago but I still think about him every day. You are still in the early days of loss. Faking happy might be the best thing for you right now, as long as you don't have to be phony ALL the time. What helped me was going to a Compassionate Friends group and expressing my feelings in a group. It really helped --I felt supported in a way that I had not experienced before and my healing began that day. I saw that people can go on and live their lives, but by helping others to get through their immediate grief, they were helped too. I hope you are able to find a group. Meanwhile, take care of yourself, and do what it takes to get through each hour and day until the pain is less and the happiness is real.
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Date Posted: 08:42:13 03/17/08 Mon
Katie--I am responding to let you know that yes, what you feel is normal. My words may not bring you comfort but at least you know you are not alone. I stumbled upon your post because I was looking for a memorial poem for my brother, Robbie, who committed suicide on April 6, 1998. He was 28 years old and like your brother, shot himself in the garage of my dad and stepmom's house. It has been ten years, TEN YEARS, and although I have learned to carry on it only takes one thought, reminder, song, face, word, ANYTHING to take me back to that time. The grief will subside but will never leave completely. The guilt will subside but will never leave completely. It is a very strange feeling because it never goes away. For me, it lingers in the deepest pits of my soul and does not show itself on the outside but remains there on the inside. I could go on and on but I am speaking from a different place than where you are now because your brother's death is still very fresh. All I can say is whatever you are feeling no matter when and where, find a way to express it. If you feel like it is an inappropriate time or place, excuse yourself to the bathroom or somewhere and try to release it. I hope you have a good support system you didn't mention your parents. I was 23 years old at the time and had an almost two year old child (he's 11 now) and had it not been for the support of my friends and family, things probably would have turned out very differently for me. I hope and pray you have someone you can talk to, I am including my e-mail address if you want to know more, I am no expert by any means, just someone who was "left behind" also.
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