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Subject: Re: sibling death during childhood

Author: Sarah

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 14:10:23 07/08/08 Tue In reply to: Mary 's message, "sibling death during childhood" on 07:28:51 09/11/05 Sun Wow, reading this thread has been an eye-opener. I'm now 52. I lost two sisters in childhood: one was in infant, when I was five. The other died during birth (that was supposed to be normal) two years later. After the first death, I had some kind of huge anxiety attack that went on for months -- starting maybe six weeks later? I remember I had no name for what I was feeling, and it wasn't until I was grown that I realized it was anxiety. My parents did try to help; they took me to a child psychologist at the suggestion of our family doctor, and all I remember about that is being annoyed at missing Saturday cartoons! I remember not wanting to eat but being freaky if my mother threw my food away (I once hid a dried-out hamburger in foil under my bed for weeks.) I remember going ballistic when my mother attempted to leave me at school; I couldn't let her out of my sight for weeks. As an adult, the anxiety resurfaced. It's pretty much been my constant companion for 20 years now. GAD every day, with periodic panic attacks, and now I'm developing agorophobia. Lately it's flared up more, as my youngest sister just lost her month-old infant. I suppose it's a bit of a flashback for me. I've been to shrinks and LCSWs and doctors. I've done therapy (slightly comforting to useless) and medications. At this point in my life, I know that anxiety won't kill me; I just pop half a Xanax when I feel an attack coming or have stiff drink. I won't take Prozac or the like any more (one doctor had me up to 80 mg a day, and anxiety still "broke through"); I'll just deal with it my own way. I never really thought about sibling deaths having "wired" me this way, but reading what others have said here is making me think about that. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]