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Subject: ☮ Re: My brother


Author:
Kati
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Date Posted: 15:41:05 02/12/09 Thu
In reply to: Trey 's message, "My brother" on 01:15:37 02/10/09 Tue
 It sounds so trite to say, hang in there. I am so sorry for your loss. So very sorry. My brother shot himself 20 years ago, and I remember asking the same questions, again and again, tho' hardly ever had the courage to ask out loud.
Find a safe place, even if only for a few moments, to express. write. talk. cry. scream. and repeat... For me, it was a whole new chapter. Who I was "before" was now gone, and it took me a long time to accept that. But there are still parts of you that are the same, and the strongest parts of WHO you are is what you hold on to.
It's ok for kids to see emotion, tho' being sensitive to what your daughter can handle shows how strong you already are. Keep that up. I'm finding ways to talk about my brother with my two - 4yrs and 2yrs - not forced, but as they see a picture, hear his name. It's hard, very hard, but it IS manageable.
get therapy. And if you don't like one therapist, or group, find another. They will listen.
Acknowledge every feeling you have. Today, I am sad because my son will never know his uncle. This minute, I feel _____, and it is affecting ________ about my day.
My own feelings have run the gamut... even now, twenty yrs later, I'm dealing with regret at not having 'dealt' with some issues I could have earlier.
Hang in there. It's not going to be easy, but you will get through this.
Peace.
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