| Subject: to gum gum |
Author:
liz
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Date Posted: 17:48:18 05/18/02 Sat
hi everybody, i'm liz from b-zine, the cyber neighbour of gum gum.
it seems that we're so much preoccupied this year... my message board is in coma, and now seems that this board is no longer as active as before.
i have been undergoing an emotionally intensive year. tumbled from here and there in relationships. i have undergone the most terrible moments in my life. it's the dark age of my emotional life. my mechanism is i try to forget about everything that tortures me. but still i can remember the suffocating nights sitting before the computer and weeping quietly in dark. i never know it can be that torturing in relationship. i think i can no longer love as lightly as before. it's like there's already to much dust in my heart. i was so longing to leave everything, be an escapist, living in another part of the world and totally forget about everything. i've made people suffer because of me and i'm suffering from the consequence.
i have tasted finally of the feeling of hating myself. i just let my emotion drifting around. now, i'm just walking out from one pool of mud. i hope i can get the "peace of mind" which i am so longing for and stop tumbling around in mud.
i dont know if this board is still active or not, but if not too ¦×³Â, i really want to show my thankfulness to gum gum, altho i always throw rubbish and rotting tomato at u, and always intends to overthrow u, i really appreciate your extraordinary generosity to me and always keep a caring eye on me no matter i'm a monster or a normal person. i'm starting to picking up myself. and i'm really glad that after so many horrible times, we can still keep that bonding and you're still on my side :)
ok i know you always think i'm a ungrateful bitch, now i just post here to let you know altho sometimes i'm a bitch, but also i have some heart and am really grateful for what you have done in the past when i was in hell :)
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