Chapter 3 / 4 - Joys of Christmas -- The HarmyBoard Extras Fanfic

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Date Posted: 12:54:05 07/01/09 Wed
Author: fananicfan
Subject: Chapter 3 / 4 - Joys of Christmas

CHAPTER THREE

MONDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2007

RABB HOME
KITCHEN
0515

Though I’m off for a morning run, I thought I’d stop in the kitchen on my way out to start a pot of coffee.

“Good morning, Harm,” my grandmother says, momentarily taking her eyes off what she's doing at the counter to greet me cheerfully before turning her attention back to her work. “What has you up so early this morning?”

“Good morning, Grandma. I’m headed out for a short run, trying to slowly get back into the swing of things. I thought I’d start the coffee maker on my way out, but I see that you beat me to it. I'll bet I can guess what you’re making that has you up so early.”

“I’m sure you know that I’m making cinnamon rolls because you know very well that I promised Ty that I’d make them for him when he got out of the hospital. Since yesterday was Sarah’s French toast day and Frank is coming over tomorrow to make his Christmas morning pancakes, today is the day for Gee Gee’s cinnamon rolls,” she says with a smile.

“Where’s Cocoa?” I ask curiously, realizing that my hand hasn't once been given a gentle nudge by a cold wet nose to get my attention to be petted since I’ve entered the kitchen.

“She’s in with Ty. She’s been sleeping in there with him since he came home from the hospital.”

“The two of them do seem to have bonded last year. Of course, I've seen Cocoa playing with the girls, too."

“Yes, she's really loving all the attention that she gets around here," my grandmother says.

"I think it goes both ways. I think they like having a dog around to give attention," I respond.

"Since we agree that the children enjoy having Cocoa around, have you thought about getting them a puppy for Christmas?” she asks casually while wiping her hands on her apron.

“Mac and I discussed getting them a dog, but have agreed that it would be best to wait until we find out where I’ll be stationed next because, if I should be stationed overseas again, there could be a long quarantine period for the dog. That doesn’t seem fair to the children, who would have had the dog for only a few months, or the dog, who would have to be held in kennel conditions while it’s determined if the dog is healthy enough to be let into the country.”

“I think that’s sound reasoning, but I have something else in mind,” she says, pouring two mugs of coffee. “I know that this is last minute, but given recent events, it’s been the first time that I’ve had a real chance to bring it up. Let’s sit down and I’ll tell you my idea,” she says while moving to the little table in the kitchen with the two mugs of coffee. “You can think over the idea while you run, talk it over with Sarah and let me know what the two of you decide,” she says before sitting down and looking up at me, waiting for me to join her to hear her idea.

NURSERY
0629

I returned from my run and headed to our bedroom to take a shower, but the soft cries of my baby boy had me stopping in the nursery to see if I could soothe him.

Once I get him into a dry diaper, he’s calmer, but at this hour of the morning, it'll also take breakfast before he’s happy again.

Since Mac and I have been trying to get back into our routines, both personal and family ones since Ty came home on Saturday, and since morning feedings belonged to Mac before the interruption of our schedules, I decide to take Matthew to Mac, though, if she wants to sleep in, I’d be happy to feed him.

MASTER BEDROOM
0639

I slowly turn the doorknob to our bedroom and quietly push open the door. If Mac's still asleep, I don’t want to wake her, but when I open the door, I see that she's awake, leaning back on pillows propped up against the headboard.

“I heard him crying and was getting up when I heard you start to talk to him, so I thought I’d wait here for you.”

“Don’t you mean that you were making sure that I had plenty of time to get him into a clean diaper?” I tease.

“Yes, but my way sounded so much nicer, don’t you think?” she responds with a smile.

“It did, but what if I’d decided to let you sleep and fed our hungry baby boy myself? Did you think of that when you were trying to get out of diaper duty?”

“Since you're all sweaty from your run…and you wouldn’t want to make our hungry baby wait until you got out of the shower, I was feeling pretty confident that I’d get to feed him this morning.” She’s pauses for a fraction of a second before adding, “Now, give me my baby so he can eat while you shower.”

“You’re momma is being pretty bossy this morning, isn’t she?” I ask Matthew as I lower him into his mother’s waiting arms.

“Tell Daddy that he hasn’t seen anything yet. Tomorrow is Christmas day, and there are still lots of things to be done, so he'd better be ready to take a lot of orders today,” she says to Matthew as he turns his head, nuzzling her breast.

“Yes, we both have things to do to be ready for Christmas, and my grandmother gave us one more thing to do.”

“What does she need us to do?” she asks, getting Matthew settled in at her breast.

“We need to decide if we want to accept the gift that she wants to give the children.”

“What does she want to give them?” she asks, frowning.

“A dog.”

“Did you tell her that we’d talked about getting them a dog, but had decided to wait until we know where you’re going to be stationed next?”

“I did, but she told me that she wasn’t asking to give them just any dog. She wants to give them Cocoa.”

“Why would she want to give away her dog?” she asks. Her surprise at this turn of events is evident.

“She said that it’s as much for Cocoa as it is for the children. Cocoa is only three years old and has a lot of energy. Here, she has children to play with her and, between the three of them, she gets almost constant attention. I certainly couldn’t deny that the kids love having Cocoa here, too. She also said that she’d like to get away from the farm every once in a while and she’d be able to travel more freely if Cocoa were living with us. In response to our concern about getting an overseas assignment, she said that she understood that, and if we didn’t want to subject Cocoa to a long period of quarantine, she’d be happy to keep her for us at the farm. She also apologized for it being on such short notice and said that, if we couldn’t make a decision by Christmas, it would be okay, but if we decide to keep Cocoa at any time before she leaves to go back home, she’d still like to give Cocoa to the children as a gift,” I say, summing up the conversation that I had with my grandmother this morning.

“I don’t know what to say. What do you think?”

“I was giving it some thought while I was on my run. There are certainly some good points about taking Cocoa instead of getting a dog later. She’s house broken. She’s well behaved. We know what kind of temperament she has and how she is around small children. We can’t guarantee that a dog we get later will have the right temperament to be around so many young children.”

“That’s true. Did you see how Cocoa stuck next to Ty last night while we were decorating the tree? She stays pretty close to him anytime he’s up moving around. I think that she senses that he isn’t back to full strength yet and she wants to make sure that he gets to where he’s going okay.”

“That’s one of the things that you could put in both the pro and con column.” Mac looks at me with a puzzled expression. “Cocoa and Ty have a bond, pro. However, the con is that the girls don’t. Is that fair to the girls if she’s supposed to be a family pet?” I say in explanation.

“I’ve seen Sami with her and I’ve even seen Abigail petting her. I forgot the baby monitor when I left the living room to make the girls a snack, and it was Cocoa that came in to get me when she heard Matthew crying. So, I don’t believe that she’s a one child dog...and with your grandmother staying here another couple of months, I’m sure that the girls will have bonded with her by then as well.”

“Are you saying that you want us to accept the gift?” I ask.

“It certainly is a gift from her heart, and I think it might hurt her feelings if we don’t accept.”

“It might,” I say, still unsure that I want to let my grandmother give her dog away.

“You said that we didn’t have to decide by tomorrow, and the smell of cinnamon filling the air tells me that the cinnamon rolls are in the oven, so you'd better get that shower so that we’re not late for breakfast,” Mac suggests.

A few moments later, I’m stepping into the bathroom without us having reached a decision on the matter.

DINING ROOM
DINNER TIME

With Ty’s stay in the hospital, I had some very last minute Christmas shopping to do, and Mac ventured off to buy gifts for her Uncle Matt and some little something for Tom to open on Christmas morning. Mac’s day also included a stop at the grocery store. She was missing a few ingredients for her cookie baking tradition with Mattie this evening.

The list of what we’ve accomplished so far today doesn’t effectively communicate the amount of chaos around here. Because Ty has been taking a mid-day nap since his release from the hospital as well as Sami, it was difficult for Mac and me to schedule time to be with our children while accomplishing the things on our to-do lists and still make accommodations for nap time.

I slip into my seat at the table, grateful that I'm home, out of the traffic and away from the crowd of last minute Christmas shoppers at the mall. Though there are still activities planned like going to church, we've made it through the most stressful part of the day.

The flurry of my wife, mother and grandmother scurrying between the dining room and kitchen ceases when the last of them slips into her seat. The room falls silent so that grace can be said. It's then that everyone joins hands and bows their heads for the prayer.

All of my stress from the last minute Christmas preparations are forgotten when Abigail slips her hand into mine.

LIVING ROOM
AFTER DINNER

Last year, we were at the farm and we didn’t transport the stocking holders that my mother had given Mac, Mattie and me the previous year in London. So this year will be the first year that Ty, as well as the girls, will put stocking holders on the mantle and hang their stockings before we go to church service.

It isn’t until we’ve all gathered in the living room, our stomachs full from a wonderful meal, that I realize that Mac and I haven’t discussed in what order we should let the children put up their stockings.

Before I’ve had a chance to pull Mac aside to discuss it with her, I discover that Mac already has a plan in mind as she reaches into one of the two boxes sitting on the hearth and pulls out one of the two F-4 stocking holders before returning to a completely upright position and turning to me.

“Your mother told me how to tell the two of them apart,” she says, showing me a mark on the bottom. “This one was your father’s and now it’s yours. It should go on the mantle first.”

I take the stocking holder from her as if it were some kind of precious artifact from a long lost civilization and place it on the mantle a few inches from the edge on the left, making room for the others to come.

“Since it’s tradition that the F-4’s stay side by side, Mattie, you’re next,” Mac says, pulling the other F-4 from the storage box.”

Mattie takes the holder from Mac, but doesn’t move to place it on the mantle. Instead, she turns to face the room full of family.

“The one that Harm put on the mantle used to be his father’s and this matching one was Harm’s. So, since I’m not really a Rabb, I think this should be given to Harm’s son. If it’s okay with everyone, I’d like to give this to Tyler.”

Everyone looks to me for my approval. “What do you say, Buddy, you okay with having a holder that matches your dad’s?”

“Don’t you want to give it to Matthew?” Ty asks hesitantly.

“If Mattie is passing it down, I think it rightfully belongs to my first son, which would be you,” I reply.

Tyler smiles brightly at me before getting off the couch, stopping first to give me a hug before taking his stocking holder from Mattie.

As he as moves towards Mattie, Mac has something to say.

“I think that Mattie giving you the F-4 is a wonderful gift from her heart, but she’s part of this family, too, so, I have an idea, Ty.”

Tyler has reached where she and Mattie are standing, and Mac bends down and whispers into Ty’s ear. I don’t know what she says, but her words get an excited nod of agreement from him before they turn to the rest of us, ready to make their announcement.

“In honor of Ty being the first Rabb son, Mattie has given the F-4 holder that was once Harm’s to him, but to honor Mattie’s position in our family as big sister, Ty would like to give up the spot where it usually sits next to his dad’s and allow Mattie to place hers there.”

Mac turns and bends down to pull a stocking holder out of the second box on the hearth. She pulls out the one that she told me that she'd bought on eBay around Christmas last year for Tyler – a Stearman that looks like mine.

Mattie passes the F-4 to Ty, takes the Stearman and places it next to my F-4 and then makes sure that Ty can manage to put his F- 4 on the mantle without assistance before she gives me a hug. Then I get another hug from Ty before they both sit down on the couch.

The three planes lined up, it’s time to switch from the aviator theme to Mac’s Christmas scene, but, to my surprise, Mac doesn’t put hers up next. Instead, she reaches back into the new box and pulls out another holder – Disney’s Cinderella.

“Abigail...” Mac announces. “...I know that Cinderella is one of your favorite stories, so when I saw this holder, I knew that this was the one for our princess.”

I lift Abigail up by the waist from behind to give her the needed height to reach the mantle, and Mac assists her in placing the holder next to Ty’s.

“Thank you, Momma,” Abigail says, looking at her holder on the mantle.

“You’re welcome, Princess,” Mac replies as she embraces Abigail, and the two hug.

I lower Abigail down to a spot on the hearth next to the storage boxes, and she turns around, but doesn’t step off the hearth.

“Thank you, too, Da...” She catches herself, and the first syllable of the word hangs in the air as she lifts her arms up as a sign that I've come to know is her way of saying that she'd like a hug.

“I wish that she hadn’t stopped herself. Having her call me daddy would be the best gift next to having Ty home that I could ever image getting in my life.”

Abigail’s almost slip of the word daddy doesn’t go unnoticed by Mac, and she reaches out and rubs my arm as Abigail and I hug.

The tender moment between us is broken when Sami asks impatiently, “Is it my turn? Do I get one, too?”

“Yes, you do,” Mac says as I set Abigail down on the floor this time so that she can move to the couch, giving her sister center stage.

Sami needs no further prompting, aside from knowing that it's her turn, to jump off her grandpa’s lap and make her way to where Mac and I are standing in front of the fireplace. Unlike with Abigail, Sami and I have an easy flowing relationship of affection that allows me to pick her up without thought, while Mac reaches into the box for the fifth time.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t find one that had a big ladybug on it, but I hope you’ll like this one,” Mac says as she lifts Sami’s holder out of the box and into view.

I turn so that Sami can feel that she's assisting Mac in placing her holder on the mantle, but she’s three, and staring at the picture frame with her picture in it and her name “Samantha” engraved across the top, on which Mac has hand-painted ladybugs, isn't enough. She has to touch it. Luckily, her "helping" doesn't result in a mishap.

“I like it,” Sami says as she hugs my neck before leaning over from my arms to give Mac a hug.

“I know that Matthew isn’t old enough to really need a stocking yet, but he is with us this year, so I thought that he should have his spot marked for when he’s older. I bought this to stand in his place,” she says, lifting a porcelain figurine of a mother holding a baby in a nursery scene. She turns it around and winds it up. “It can be in his room when Christmas is over,” she says as Brahms lullaby starts to play from the music box hidden within the figurine. She then places it on the mantle to stand in for Matthew’s stocking holder.

"Matthew needs a stocking, too. Santa might bring him something, and he won't be able to get it because he doesn't have one," Sami protests.

I'll bet that, if Santa has something to give him, he'll find a way to leave it for him," Frank reassures her as he picks her up to place her back on his lap.

"Are you sure, Grandpa?" Sami asks.

Frank confirms his answer with, "Yes, I'm sure."

Distracted by Sami for a moment, but back on track now, Mac reaches down into the box and pulls out the last stocking holder, hers, and places it on the mantle at the opposite end from mine.

As Mac and I gather the children and place them between the tree and fireplace for a family photo, I understand the reason for Mac not placing her holder after Ty’s. She’s put the children together between us instead of having part of their holders between ours and the rest to the side. She’s symbolically showing that none of them are more loved or important to us than any of the others, and by having Mattie place hers before Ty’s, they’re lined up in descending age, giving a logical order that shows no favoritism.

With stockings hung and a family picture taken, it’s time to go to church for the Christmas Eve service.

AFTER CHURCH

Since Ty’s been out of the hospital for only a couple of days, his energy level isn’t back to normal yet, and he fell asleep in the car on the way home from church.

After we'd arrived home, I was carrying Ty to his room to put him to bed when Mattie caught up to me and asked me to meet her in the den when I was finished.

DEN

I enter the den to find Mattie staring off into space, a blank look on her face.

“Are you okay?”

Her face showing signs that she's back from wherever her mind has been, she says, “I don’t know." Then she gets up and moves to me, wrapping her arms around my waist much the way she did when Mac brought her to me at The Wall on Christmas Eve - fours years ago.

"You want to talk about it?" I ask as I wrap my arms around her to give her a hug.

She pulls away and looks up at me. "Not really anything to talk about. I was just setting up a surprise that we've been working on for you..." She points over towards the desk, and I see that my laptop has been set up. "...and it made me wonder how I'll feel when my dad isn't ..." She turns her face away. "He's doing okay right now, but it gets bad, Harm. He hasn't said anything, but I know that he isn't going to make it until this time next year," she says, her voice cracking, and I know that she's crying. That's why she turned around. She didn't want me to see her cry.

I step over to her and embrace her once again. "He's been sick for a long time. He might not be here next year, but we will be. No one knows better than me that having another dad doesn't make you miss your father any less, but remember that you have me. You also need to remember that, when you lose him, all those people around the dinner table tonight love you and think of you as my daughter. So, even though your last name isn't Rabb, you have more family than just your father, and we'll be there for you. We all love you, and you won't have to go through it alone."

She pulls back and looks up at me again. The tears have stopped flowing, but their tracks are visible. Can you promise that you and Mac will always be my family?" she asks.

"I can without a doubt promise that you're stuck with me, Mac, my parents, my grandmother, Ty ... do I have to finish the list or do you get the idea?"

"I get the idea. I have a big family for support when I need them."

"Yes, you do ... and I can tell you from experience that it takes some getting use to, but it's actually pretty nice to know that you have people around who care about you. Sometimes knowing that they're there is enough to bring you comfort. Sometimes, you need more, like someone to sit with three of your children at home while you're at the hospital with your son. Sometimes, you need something between those two extremes."

"Like someone to talk to about something that you can't or aren't ready to talk to your father about?" she says like a question.

"Yes. Is what's on your mind something that you can talk to me about, or should I get Mac or someone else?"

"No, you'll do fine. I've been thinking about..." She stops to take in a deep breath. "...taking next semester off from school to spend time with my dad before he gets too sick."

"I can see why you'd want to do that." It's my turn to take a deep breath as a way to stall as I try to decide which way I want to continue, as a father figure or her friend. As a father, I want to tell her that she can't put her life on hold to sit around and watch her dad die. As her friend, I'm more likely to agree to her taking a break from school so that she can spend time with him."

"But?" Mattie asks.

I've let my silence linger for too long in the room.

"No buts, I was just thinking over the pros and cons of you taking off a semester."

"Was it that, or were you trying to find a nice way to tell me that you don't want me to do it?"

"Maybe both," I admit before explaining. "Mattie..." I realize that I sounded like I was scolding her when I said her name so, I soften my tone as I continue. "Look, I regret that I didn't get to see my father one last time ... to do something with him so that I'd have one more good memory, or at the very least so that I could say goodbye to him. So I understand why you want to take time off from school to spend time with your dad, but I don't think that putting your life on hold, even if only for a semester is the right thing either. So let's sit down and talk about it."

"I was just supposed to set up your laptop and cue up the video for you in here. They're waiting for me to make cookies and decorate the gingerbread men that Gee Gee baked yesterday, so we should talk later."

"They'll wait a couple of more minutes while we talk ... about the pros and cons." I reach out and put my hand on her shoulder. "I'm sure that, after we discuss them, you'll need time to think it over. You may even have questions for Mac and Gee Gee while you're baking before you're ready to make a decision."

"What if, after we've talked, I still want to take the time off? Are you going to be mad at me?"

"Knowing that you've made an informed decision, I'll support whatever decision you make about school," I say reassuringly as I move to sit down on the couch for our talk.

DEN
THIRTY MINUTES LATER

I have tears in my eyes as I watch the credits roll on the video that Mattie cued up for me after our talk. I figured that, given the fact that they'd arranged for the filming of a video at The Wall our first Christmas together as a family two years ago in London, it would be the same video or a variation of that one, but I was wrong. There was something much more personal in this one than just a short video of my father's name on The Wall. This video was a combination of moving pictures and still shots - a collage of my whole life.

The credits end, and I click the play arrow again. The opening shot is a still photo of me with my father, the smaller version of which I still carry in my wallet. As the screen changes to the next picture, this time I notice that the 'movie' is set to music to which I hadn't paid attention the first time I'd watched it.

Among the photos of me and my father are pictures of my father with the Stearman, pictures of me with the same plane and ones with Mattie standing next to "Sarah."

Along with photos, there are snippets of old home movies of me and my father. The one that particularly grips my heart is the piece taken from the Christmas before he was shot down.

There's a wedding picture of Mac and me, followed by video of us dancing at our reception. That footage is followed by video clips of our Christmas in London and our Christmas last year at the farm.

Before the video comes to the final moments, I notice that all of my children have been included, even Matthew, in a combination of video recordings and photos.

It's the final moments of the video that bring tears to my eyes. The song ends, and my father's voice comes from the speakers. The first time through, I'd wondered where she'd gotten the recording of his voice, but I realize as I prepare to hear his words again that they're from the tapes that he'd sent to Mom and me from the Tico.

"Whether I'm home or not, I'm always with you. I love you, son," my father says as the screen shows a photo of Mac and me with all the kids taken before Ty got sick.

Then the screen changes to words...Gone, but not forgotten. Then a video of Mattie at the Vietnam Memorial begins to play, showing her placing our family photo and a red rose at the base of the section of the wall that displays my father's name.

Mattie steps out of the shot, and the camera zooms in on my father's name and stays there for a moment before the credits start to roll.

The credits thank my mother, grandmother and Mac for providing the video content and photos. Mattie is listed as director and producer, and Mattie's friend, Kevin, is listed as cameraman and editor.

I take a moment to compose myself before leaving the den.

KITCHEN
AROUND 2130

I was going into the kitchen to thank Mac, my grandmother and Mattie for the video, but something in the living room caught my eye as I passed through on the way to the kitchen that changed my mission.

When I finally get to the kitchen, I'm a little surprised to see that Abigail is still up, but she looks like she's having a good time decorating gingerbread men at the counter with my grandmother, so I quickly decide that Mac probably didn't want to spoil her good time.

"Do you know where Sami is?" I'm asking Mac, but without directing my question to her specifically, I get answers from all three of the ladies.

"She was bored with decorating cookies," my grandmother states.

"She was with Cocoa a little bit ago," Mattie adds.

"She wanted to look at the Christmas lights on the tree and asked me to turn them on for her, but I haven't seen her for a few minutes. Why do you ask?" Mac says.

"Come with me and I'll show you."

"Listen for the timer, Mattie. I'll be right back." I hear Mac say as I turn to leave, Mac following just a couple of paces behind me.

LIVING ROOM

The room is dark expect for the twinkling lights on the tree, so it takes a moment for Mac's eyes to adjust to the lighting, but I know the minute that she sees what I'm pointing to because she sighs.

I don't know if it's relief because she thought that Sami was in some kind of trouble or if her sigh is in response to the sweet vision in front of us.

Sami has fallen asleep on the floor near the tree, and Cocoa is serving as her pillow and keeping a watchful eye on her.

“Harm, about your grandmother’s idea concerning Cocoa...” she whispers "...I wasn't sure before, but now, I'd have to say yes."

"I'm going to take her to bed," I whisper back. "Since Abigail is still up, we should wait until after she goes to bed to tell my grandmother. That way, all the kids will be surprised by her gift."

MASTER BEDROOM
2300

"It's been a long day," I say as I pull back the comforter in preparation for getting into bed.

"Yes, but being busy with shopping, baking cookies and last minute gift wrapping isn't like work. It's just part of the joys of Christmas," Mac says with a warm smile as she slips into bed.

"Aren't you tired?" I ask as I slip in beside her.

"I'm excited. Tomorrow is Christmas," she says giddily as she rolls onto her side to cuddle up to me.

Her bright smile disappears. "I'm sorry, Harm. I know that Christmastime, especially Christmas Eve doesn't have fond memories for you," she says before applying a gentle kiss to my lips. "I should be more sensitive to how you feel about this holiday."

"Did Mattie show you the video that she made that I watched tonight?" I ask while I wrap my arm around her, bringing her in close to me.

"Yes. She wanted to see what your grandmother, mother and I all thought of it before she showed it to you. You thanked us for contributing the pictures for it." She pauses before asking hesitantly, "Did it upset you?"

"It did at first because it made me miss him, but when I watched it a second time...I actually felt better ... not better than the first time I watched it, but better than I was before I'd watched it at all. I know that probably doesn't make sense to you -"

"You see ... that's always been your problem. You want feelings to make sense, be logical, and they just aren't. You feel the way you feel."

"And you fall in love with who you fall in love with, no matter how illogical it might be," I state, allowing her time to respond with "exactly" before I press my lips to hers.

When I pull my lips away, I say, "Merry Christmas, Sarah."

"Merry Christmas, Harm," she says before I kiss her again.

That kiss leads to another and another until it's impossible for us to go to sleep until after we've quenched our desire for each other by making love.

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Replies:

[> Another great feel-good chapter! -- judy52sa, 13:42:26 07/01/09 Wed [1]

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[> Another great chapter and now I can officially say...Christmas in July is never a bad thing. : ) -- tamk3, 14:20:08 07/01/09 Wed [1]

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[> Ah yes, Christmas in July...wonderful chapter. -- Christa, 17:37:33 07/01/09 Wed [1]

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[> This was great. I love how...(inside) -- Ella, 22:22:59 07/01/09 Wed [1]

Abigail was soooo close. I hope we finally get the word we're all looking for in the next chapter. I'm with everyone else. Christmas in July rocks!!!

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