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Date Posted: 18:47:15 04/18/09 Sat
Author: S. B. (numb)
Subject: Catrina

My almost 21 year old cat died yesterday. It wasn't unexpected, although what caused her death was. She had a stroke early friday morning. I was the only one home when she collapsed and she gave me this look, like she knew she was dying. Anyway my family got home and I went to bed around 1600, one of my family members woke me and said i needed to get up. Catrina was on my grandmother's lap. She was streched out and she looked at me, like she wasn't all there. She had been throwing up and moaning. Our other cat, 18, came around and nuzzled her and tried to figure out why we were panicing, she's deaf and couldn't here the moans. We called the vets and made plans to take her in to the vet today but she took a bad turn and we called back and said we were coming in now. I hurried to get dressed, thinking I'd have time at the vet to say goodbye. She died between the house and the car. Our vet's office as been the same one for most of her life and they knew her well, esspeically within the last year or so. They gave us an exam room and we sat around for two hours with her on the table. We picked out a small jade-green marble box urn and engraved it Catrina 1988-2009. We left her in the room and the vet as probaly already sent her to the funeral home to bre cremated. It hasn't really sunk in yet. I've had her all my life. Our other cat is mourning. She's withdrawn and keeps looking for Catty. She's healthy and in good shape and while she sleeps more, she still acts like a kitten or younger cat but she hasn't really gotten that Catty's not coming back. I haven't really either. I mean I KNOW that she's not coming back. I get the whole death thing but it hasn't sunk in that I'll never hold her or pet her or make fun of her frowning, she always was a grumpy cat. I've cried. My eyes start watering at odd moments. Talking about her makes them glassy. We did spend last night talking about her and remembering. I wish I hadn't smelled her though when I nuzzled her and hugged her because I can remember that smell and not her smell. She a couple of strokes and her face was messed up and her eyes were droopy. The side we had her laying on didn't look as bad. I hadn't seen her expect when she was lying down. But I decided to pick up her head and look at her one last time and I wished I hadn't because she looked so bad so unlike her. Thankfully, that's not the only way I remember her but I still wished I didn't have that memory. My family's still grieving and we probaly will for awhile.

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