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Date Posted: 14:05:36 06/10/03 Tue
Author: Lynn
Subject: My Sweet Puppy

I lost my best friend last Friday, June 6th. My little Maltese, 'Puppy', was 17 years old and had been with me the whole time. I am overwhelmed by my feelings; as I knew I would be when I imagined 'this time' during the last few years. I was very blessed that I had her with me for such a long time, but I don't think I really believed she was going to go. My friends had joked for years that she was 'the everready puppy'.
She had a severe seizure on Friday afternoon, her third in about 6 months, and when she came out of it, I knew her dear sweet little mind could not go on. She had a look of panic on her face, and I was heartbroken. She and I had been through a liver disorder surgery, cataracts, a stroke, arthritis and the previous seizures, and she just kept going. I am going through a difficult time in my life right now and I felt like her blessed little heart stayed on for me. I know she kept on because she thought I needed her. Thankfully, I believe that god took over, because I seemed to know what I had to do without ever having to make the decision. I don't think I could have done it alone.
My veteranarian is a wonderful, compassionate man who had been seeing puppy through all of her 'senior' years and he helped me immensely. He always gave me hope, help and advice about how to secure quality of life for Puppy, even after neighbors and friends were saying- 'Isn't it time?'
My vet assured me after her stroke that she was in no pain, and still recognized me, and that being able to eat and use the restroom without alot of accidents meant that she was still my 'Puppy'. She walked funny and slowed down alot, but we still had alot of love for each other. When her last seizure happened last friday, he did not suggest any hope, and he had always had hope before.
I pray every other minute (it seems) that she understands what I did and has some peace. I pray that she is in a place where she has her eyesight and hearing back, she is no longer confused, no arthritis, and gets gourmet food anytime she wants. (I am a chef, and although her diet was almost exclusively dog food, she really enjoyed a taste now and then of some pretty high end dishes!)She is spry enough to play tug of war again, and she can go up and down the stairs and up and down off the furniture whenever she wants.
I keep having thoughts of 'If I didn't do that, she would be sitting next to me right now' My mind knows that she would have suffered if she were still here, and that it was the right thing to do, but my heart keeps blaming me.

I suppose that it will get easier with time, although I can't imagine how.

She touched alot of lives! I am a single woman in my late 30's and my group of friend are what I would call 'urban jaded' and jet setters. But the tears that have been shed for Puppy these last few days span continents. Who would of thought that this group of sarcastic, tough as nails, overacheivers could have been touched so deeply by those fluffy 7 lbs? She was a constant with me, always with me whatever city or place I visited. The question was always, "when are you and Puppy coming?" Friends all over the country would offer to "Puppy sit" if I ever were passing through their area.

My heart, my bed, my house are all so empty, such a tiny little creature took up a lot of space. I will love her and miss her forever.

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