VoyForums

[ VoyUser Login optional ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, [5], 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 20:37:44 06/16/03 Mon
Author: JGarrison
Subject: Re: guilt over loss of cat
In reply to: 's message, "guilt over loss of cat" on 01:14:33 05/30/03 Fri

I only know too well how you are feeling; I lost who I considered my eldest child, Marmalade, at the tender age of 4 the week after Easter. I always called her babygirl (because she was), and she was definitely my cat...she slept on my pillow against my head every night. She and I had a way of communicating, and I could usually sense that something was wrong whenever she wasn't feeling well.
I rescued Marm from the SPCA in Maryland when she was 1 year old. She was a beautiful auburn and white tabby, and when I picked her up, she seemed miserable...but I could tell what a gentle soul she was.
We took her home...boy, did she turn around! From underweight and depressed to fat and happy in a year! We put her on a low-cal diet, and her weight went back to normal.
I always noticed that Marm LOVED me to pour her fresh, cold water that came from our Brita pitcher in the fridge...she drank it like she couldn't get enough!
However, before Easter, I noticed she was looking thin...it bothered me, but it didn't hit me to take her to the vet that instant. She wasn't eating as much either, and her breath smelled funny...we thought maybe her gums were bothering her. When we did take her to the vet, she gave her a shot and us some antibiotics to give to her. She seemed better for a day or two, but then stopped eating again. She slept/hid in a paper bag day and night, and when she did emerge she would stumble weakly to the litter box.
Finally, one day she couldn't even get into the litter box. She made it as far as right in front of it, realized she was too weak to get in, and urinated right there beside it. That was not her, and I knew it.
Five hours after leaving her at the vets for a series of blood tests and returning home, we received the phone call. Marm's kidneys had failed, and the level of toxins in her blood was beyond anything the vet had ever seen. She was not in pain, the vet said...after the toxins reach a certain point, it puts the cat into a stupor state. We rushed back, my husband driving, and me feeling like an elephant was sitting on my chest.
I rushed into the room, and wrapped my arms around her and dug my face into her fur...I cried even harder when I heard her start purring as I whispered to her how good she was and how much I loved her.
It took every ounce of strength that I had to not rush back into that room to stop the vet from euthanizing her.
I had planned to have her for another 10 years at least, and I really have feelings of "I should have know she was sick". The vet said that we could have treated it if we had found it earlier...and that's what sticks in my mind. The fact that she was losing weight for no reason and craved water at every turn did not ring the bell of symptoms of kidney failure to me..I was ignorant.
I'm getting better...Marm is buried in our backyard and we'll be planting orange poppies on her grave. We also rescued a new kitten from the pound...a little female we've named Madeline (maddie for short). I know that I'll always feel that in a way I may have failed my Marm...but I also know how much I spoiled her and showed her I loved her...she had a great life with us, as we had with her.
Just think of the happy times you gave to your cat...you can't turn back time, but just see it as an opportunity to use that room in your heart to love another animal...when you are ready. It actually helped me to heal!
Good luck, and don't be too hard on yourself!

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]
Forum timezone: GMT-5
VF Version: 2.94, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2008 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.