| Subject: As I sit here and read my posting from almost 7 months ago, I cry...nothing has truly changed........... |
Author:
Globette
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Date Posted: 08:31:46 09/13/07 Thu
In reply to:
Globette
's message, "very tired." on 14:50:03 02/28/07 Wed
Once again I am let down. Lied to, manipulated, hurt, torn, afraid, depressed,emotionally & financially abused! Another year of having the time of my life in Palm Springs with such strong amazing women. I miss my sisters!!!!! I sit here in tears because I dont know what to do anymore. I wonder what purpose my life has. This past year has been total hell inmy marriage. I have tried so hard to repair our marriage, but nothing has worked. I dont want to have to feel like I have to be a private detective.
Before I left there was still problems. The gambling hadnt stopped completely(was very sparatic), and about 2 months before leaving I found pills in his dresser drawer. He swears they have been there forever and totally forgot they were even there. Frankly I dont care! If you are a recovering addict why do you have your addiction sitting at the tip of your fingers?
When saying goodbye for 11 days I said that this would be a good time to prove to us both that this marriage is working. And to please, please, please not let me come home to any suprises. Wishful thinking.
I thought everything would be good especially since I knew he was with his parents almost all of his free time away from work. Where there is a will there is a way.
Pills once again. Admited it this time....
I CANT KEEP DOING THIS! I feel like this marriage has been over for some time, but I know I will never stop loving him. What is a marriage when there is absolutely no trust. Inspite of his damn addicitions he is a loving husband, with a great suportive family. The only thing is that he is never told no, never has been. Whatever he wants he gets....His family has given him everything since birth. Dont get me wrong they have helped us alot!!Just when things were getting better and I was getting ahead financially he goes and throws our money down his throat again. SO here I am driving his parents car because we lost mine in the bankrupcy (and he still has his boat mind u), working my ass off to get ahead. I left where I previously worked because he didnt like it. Now I am happy also where I am at, but what am I working so hard for?? I just dont see anything for it. I only buy something if I NEED it, but he will see something and pick it up like nothing....
So Now. Last week I asked for a divorce. I told him that his actions would make my decision, so basically it was his decision. I have been sleeping in the guest room ever since. Not telling him I love him(that alone is breaking my heart), and trying to get by day to day. If I didnt have work I would go crazy! He asked for 30 days to prove to me he can change. I just wanna know what happens in 32days or 3 months from now. Is it even worth trying to hope there will be a change?? I honeslty feel the only way he will change is if I leave. We both know how much we love eachother, but that just isnt enough anymore. I cant continue living this lie.
I am so scared! I dont even have a car to sleep in if needed. I cant believe I ever allowed any of this to happen. What do I do??? I feel I need a new start with literly limited resources.
Please give me strength
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