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Subject: Staying in the Relationship


Author:
Catherine (With Grace)
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Date Posted: 08:13:49 08/10/07 Fri

I've been out of a 25-year abusive marriage for almost seven years. During those seven years I have healed and moved on in so many aspects of my life . . . my relationships with my children are loving, nurturing and balanced; I am successful and appreciated at work; I am in school pursuing my dream; I have friendships and activities that are whole and fulfilling. I have dated many men over the past seven years; the minute things started getting serious or complicated, I would bolt, usually around two months. I started dating someone almost a year ago and we have fallen deeply in love. And it's wonderful, truly. But I find I withdraw or acquiesce when difficult situations present. When it comes to fight or flight, my m.o. has been to fly. But this man is definitely worth fighting with and for. I have come so far and gotten so much healthier, but staking my claim and standing my ground is a stumbling block for me. I know he would listen and take into account what I have to say. It's just so hard for me to say it. I think the feeling stems from something I got from my mother: "don't be difficult"; I feel like other people's needs are perfectly acceptable but mine are difficult or less worthy. How can I work past this? Thank you so much for your time and consideration Dr. Kemble, your sight is truly a godsend.
Best, Catherine Grace

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Replies:
Subject Author Date
Hi Catherine. Thanks for the email. There are a few dynamics going on here. What I would like to share is one of our Right Living Principles from the Boundary lesson (#6) "You have the right to inquire about things that affect your life". Which means, if there is something that you are not comfortable that is affecting your life, it is both your right and your responsibility to ask questions about it. That is being responsible, not being difficult. In addition, it sounds like you need to do a little more self-esteem work. See class #16 specifically for self-esteem issues. Look forward to connectingDr. Tracy Kemble10:20:14 09/13/07 Thu


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