| Subject: Quarter Note of Inspiration for the WIN Website |
Author:
Dr. Tracy Kemble
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Date Posted: 16:29:29 06/24/06 Sat
 | Subject:  Dazed & Confused Wife |
Author:
Carrie
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Date Posted: 07:18:29 04/29/06 Sat
My husband and I have been married for 5 years. Over the last few years we have argued about his "relationships" with other women. I believe he is cheating on me emotionally with other women. I don't believe he has cheated physically...at least not yet. He is a member on a few different forums. At these forums, he is posting comments to these women that I believe are unfaithful to me. He tells these women how pretty they are, how sexy they are, etc. He also flirts a lot with these women. He has gotten most of their instant messenger names and now chats with them that way almost every day. There have been a few times I'm sitting next to him at the computer talking with him and when they instant message him, he asks me suddenly to go get him something, so I'm out of the room and he can read the messages. I feel he is hiding things. I have tried to talk to him about this, but he doesn't feel he is doing anything wrong. In when I told him how it hurts my feelings and makes me feel there is more going on. He told me it is my own insecurity. He said that maybe I should start digging into my past to figure out why I am so insecure and maybe when I figure that out I will be secure enough in myself to not let this bother me. Is he right? Am I just being insecure? Or do I have a legit reason to be upset? I am so confused right now. If he loves me like he says he does, wouldn't he be willing to quit doing what he is doing - knowing that it's breaking my heart? My mind is very foggy and I'm very confused right now, so I hope this is coming out in a way you are able to understand what is happening.
Thank you in advance for listening.
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| Subject: Several layers of questions here...more> |
Author:
CM
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Date Posted: 11:00:36 05/19/06 Fri
My ex was emotionally and physically abusive, He was absent for 5 years before recently breaking up withhis girlfriend and returning for a visit. As he has grown up I see similar behaviors in our son who has been raised away from him for 5 years. Is there a resource that speaks to these traits being passed down and how to deal with the personality that appears abusive? more>
The main thing is his reactions are out of synq with the circumstances...for little disappointments or setbacks he gets REALLY, REALLY steamed. I do not allow physical outbursts so he locks up, shuts down or aggravates his little brother. Once I saw him squeeze his 4 year old brothers head with both hands (in aggravation). I have not seen this in other family members so I can't say OH he's copying so and so...I am afraid to take him for therapy because I think they will focus on the absence of his father...it's better that he is absent as he has in 7 years never completed parenting or anger management classes to have overnight visits. I don't want to discuss this with anyone...but I think not talkign about it may be affecting me too. Maybe I should go back to a therapist the support group for co-dependents but it is a little wierd for me, I hate the sound of my voice when I feel like I am whining, while there are so much greater troubles other people in the world must deal with, my trouble seems miniscule.
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| Subject: Using your words?!@$%? |
Author:
Confused
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Date Posted: 19:42:31 05/15/06 Mon
What happens when you use your words and then you feel as though you have just been slapped in the face????So, tonight I made the decision to use me words and when my husband came home and started on his slamming doors, making alot of noise tantrums (i.e. he does this when he cleans so everyone in the house knows he is upset because HE has to clean) and I use my words and ask him what does he need from me right now... he responds by I need help cleaning! I respond by saying "I just sat down to watch the last 10 min of the news, when it is over I will help you!" He responds by saying ( in a sarcasitc voice) "Never mind I will do it. slam slam" After about 2 minutes of him making as much noise as possible I turn off the news(which I cannot hear anyways now) and start picking up. He than says to me, "what are you doing?" I explain to him that I am helping clean up, he then responds by saying, " I did not realize I was making so much noise... pause.. whatever!" And left the room in a stomping way.
My question is this, what do you do when you use your voice and as nice as can be give only what you can give then end up feeling even more abused? I understand that he worked a 10 hour day, but so have I and all I wanted to do is watch 10 min. of the news!?> UGH!
Any advice would be great! This seems to be a pattern that I cannot get out of! For instance his favorite line to me is "Thats ok, I will clean up your mess!" Now I must tell you that our home is the cleanest house in the state! LOL! Even when my "stuff" is everywhere!
Thanks!
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| Subject: I saw a great quote the other day. "Worry is imagination used improperly." |
Author:
Tia Hunsperger
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Date Posted: 14:12:46 04/17/06 Mon
I guess little girls with great imaginations can grow up into incredible worriers! I thought some of you might relate!
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| Subject: Co-dependence Session |
Author:
Alice Robertson
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Date Posted: 13:21:37 04/29/06 Sat
Hi Tracy
Co-dependence Session was another great session and it really spoke to me. Thank you.
I was unable to download the pdf - I know I will probably check just about everything on it but would be good to do it!
Thanks
Alice
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| Subject: Emotionally Confused |
Author:
Gina
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Date Posted: 07:00:52 04/22/06 Sat
I've been dating a guy now for 3 months. When we first met, he asked me if I ever dated outside my race. At the time, not thinking anything of it, I mentioned that 6 years ago, I dated a man who was 1/2 black, 1/2 white. This apparently is a deal breaker with him. He is completely against a white woman being with a black man. He is dead set against it being wrong. I ask him, why he continued to pursue me and want to be with me after I told him. He said, he feel in love with me. For the past two months, he says that I betrayed him, I hurt him for doing what I did. He tells me he loves me and that he is trying to get past this. I can't even go out in public with him, because if a black man even looks or walks our way, he gets angry and makes nasty comments. Like "you slept with one of them", you let one of them "inside you"... you could have had a baby "(derogatory)"... those type of things. I feel I am being verbally and emotionally abused. Am, I correct? He wants me to feel deep regret and remorse for doing something so wrong in his eyes. When I dated this guy, I never looked at this color, I looked at him as a person. My boyfriend also freaks out because the guy was 6 years younger then me. It is starting to consume his every thought and how he reacts to me. One minute he is loving me, the next minute he can't stop talking about what I did 6 years ago? I take it for insecurity and he says he now has competition with black men. He calls me a "(derogatory)" lover when he is angry. I keep telling him, I a not and he still feels I am attrached to black men. I feel like I could write a book. Am I wrong for thinking my boyfriend is never going to get over this? He keeps telling me he loves me and that he is not going to let his come between us. However, he already has. My boyfriend tells me he is hurting and that I don't try to understand. He contents he's not a racist, but does not believe in interacial relationships. Help, I am at the end of my rope. I feel like he is going to drive me crazy over something I did in my past. Why can't he let this go? Why can't he forget the past and focus on our future? Help!
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| Subject: Angry Dad |
Author:
Simone
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Date Posted: 08:11:32 04/18/06 Tue
Hi all. I wonder if anyone can help. I've read a lot of information about emotional abuse recently, I'm aware that my Dad uses psychological, emotional, verbal and sometimes physical abuse as a means to control. It's directed at my poor Mother as she's the only person around but if I'm around I'm the other target. Dad visited in February (from overseas) to fix some things in the house, this was very kind of him. However he was very abusive for most of the time he was here and I couldn't function for about a week afterwards.
My dilemma is wether to go overseas to visit them in May, I said I'd go as a cousin is getting married but in truth I don't feel like I know how to cope with Dad's behaviour just yet and I'm not feeling that strong right now. One option I thought would be to stay either in a hotel or with another cousin but my Mum has told me if I do that all hell will break loose and it would be better to stay away all together.
Any thoughts? Thanks very much,
God bless,
Simone
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| Subject: Happy Easter! |
Author:
WIN Communications Department
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Date Posted: 10:09:39 04/16/06 Sun
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| Subject: Winning Subject of the Week - "Winning Words" |
Author:
Dr. Tracy Kemble
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Date Posted: 06:53:44 04/13/06 Thu
For those of you who know me, there is one thing that I have most likely shared with you: "I AM ALLERGIC TO NEGATIVE PEOPLE!"
Seriously. I am highly allergic to them. When I am in their prescense, I literally begin to feel sick. After I am in their prescense, I feel drained and smothered with "the Ick". Negativism is an energy that literally zaps the life out of me and for my personal emotional health survival, I cannot afford to be around them.
I am so passionate about not being around negative environments for one simple, truth telling reason. I used to be a nego-holic. I was a bona-fide expert on living in caution and "warning", waiting for the other shoe to drop, finding the worst of every situation, falling down at the first sign of rejection, pointing out the first sign of imperfection, and of course, raining on my own parade and others. The sad thing is that the years I spent living with this ugly condition did nothing but keep me from my dreams. That is why I am fully convinced, "I am highly allergice to negative people."
Most of you reading this can identify with what I am saying. Each of us can think to a time, or a person that when we "experienced" their negativism, we physically and emotionally felt sick. The question is why?
I came across a writing that I want to share with you that I believe explains the dynamics of negativism quite well. Here it is:
"Negative words affect the entire body and are prone to produce trouble in not only the body but all of your affairs. Whereas happy, life-filled words produce health throughout the body and all of your affairs. It would do you well to avoid, at all cost, negative speaking people for they do nothing to add to your own health, wealth or happiness." (C. Ponders)
Empowerment Exercise for the Week:
This week:
#1: I want you to be aware of two things - Your negative outlook on certain things, and other's negative outlook on certain things.
#2: When you personally think a negative thought about someone or something, stop yourself and replace the negative thought with a postive thought. Or, if you hear someone speak something negative, take the time to "stop" the thought as well. Use words like, "I don't accept that." or, "That is your opinion, but I believe..." and then speak something positive about the situation or person.
I promise that if you discipline yourself for one week doing this, a shift in the outcome of your dreams will happen. Look forward to hearing your areas that you are ready to "see and speak in a new light!"
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| Subject: "The Winning Cleanse 2006" Join us! |
Author:
Dr. Tracy Kemble
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Date Posted: 13:52:18 02/09/06 Thu
Hi Everyone,
I am in Hawaii with Monica and Spyro for our annual winter "rejuvenating" and I was asked privately what I do to emotionally re-juvenate. For all the Right Living Gals (or anyone interested in learning more), if you feel that you need to cleanse and rejuvenate your emotional system, get a journal and join us via email! Email me directly or post your name here, and I will get you on our private daily emotional make-over exercise list. I do one step a day and there are 4 steps in the program. I promise, you will be empowered and refreshed and have lots of room for your 2006 dreams.
Needs: A journal, a pen, the ability to tell yourself your truth without judgement, and the desire to get rid of built up emotional junk! Recommended for all who need to make a little more room for their dreams!
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Subject:  Thanks |
Author:
Alice Robertson
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Date Posted: 06:15:56 04/01/06 Sat
Thanks Tracy so much for sorting out the website so that I could download the Alone but not Lonely class. I have found it amazingly helpful and am currently on the Isle of Wight spending some of that much needed Alone time with God. I find the Song of Songs book a really good one to pray with.
I have also enjoyed and found helpful reading the messages on the forum.
Thanks again.
God bless
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| Subject: Victim of emotional abuse |
Author:
Diana
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Date Posted: 18:36:22 03/25/06 Sat
My boyfriend is very abusive, emotionally-speaking. He's always putting me down, criticizing my housekeeping, cooking, eating habits, etc. And, if I dare question something he's said to me, he gets bent out of shape. I'm sick and tired of this and don't know what to do.
He keeps wanting me to do things for him - borrows money from time to time, wants rides, cooked meals, etc. Today, he hit the roof over something that is really petty - the laundromat was extremely crowded and their changer was out of order. Rather than go to another laundromat in a nearby town, (or perhaps return later in the day when it would be less crowded, after getting change from a nearby carwash), he stomped out of there and insisted he do his wash some other time.
Up until the past couple of days, his attitude appeared to have improved. Now it's "back to square one" and I dont' know what to do. He lives across the hall from me, so it's really hard to avoid him. So far he hasn't physically abused me, but I'm concerned that if this keeps up, it's only going to be a matter of time before he hits me.
Please help - I want to go back to church, but I don't want to be near him. I want to see my friends there, but sometimes he puts me down in front of them. I'm worried about not only the possibility of physical abuse, but also the possibility that he will turn our mutual friends against me. He has a way of making himself look good, and me (and others he doesn't approve of) look really, really bad.
Thank you for listening!
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| Subject: WINNING SUBJECT OF THE WEEK - Recognition and Redefinition |
Author:
Cheryl Dankers, Mrs MN Globe 2003/2004, WIN MN Teacher
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Date Posted: 04:42:36 03/13/06 Mon
On the Mrs. Globe forum, Tracy asked someone to post a "Winning Subject of the Week" in her absence for discussion on the forum. I thought I'd copy my post here to see how others have been healing in the area of "recognition and redefinition." Here's my post . . . . .
Looks like I'm the first one to read Tracy's post. I will take on her challenge to post the Subject of the Week. I'll look forward to everyone's posts.
While teaching this past Saturday's Right Living class here in MN, which was the submission class, one of the ladies asked if some days it feels like there's been no healing at all. I reassured her that there will be days that "repeat," that it feels like healing is only a distant memory.
I went on to explain what I call "recognition and redefinition." When I find myself triggering and/or repeating into a past experience, "feeling the icks again" as I described it, I give it right up to the Lord and ask Him to let me "recognize" what the root seed of the "ick" truly is. The first step to healing is recognition. I now automatically lift the "ick" up to the Lord and ask for recognition. What's REALLY causing the repeat? It might take a few step process . . . to weed through a few layers. But, always, every time, within 2 or 3 days, God allows me to truly recognize where the ick is coming from. Then, I'm able to redefine it. In other words, I understand where the repeat/the ick is coming from and it quits having a hold on me. It's an "ah-ha" moment for me. Then, I put the item "on the shelf," it no longer has a hold on me, and I feel very refreshed. When this happens, another old layer of the "old Cheryl" gets stripped away and it rarely comes back.
My challenge to you for this week is to share an example of a recent moment of "recognition and redefinition."
Mine was about a week ago. I was struggling with a repeat, lifted it to the Lord, and this is what the bottom line redefinition was. In a new light, I truly recognized that "fear resides in the past and hope resides in the future." My redefinition is to not use the painful experiences of my past as a plumb line for my present and my future. I have a beautiful life, and there is such hope in my future. Period. My future does NOT have to be defined by what happened before.
Looking forward to hearing about your recognition and redefinition moments.
Love and God bless,
Cheryl Dankers
Mrs. MN Globe 2003 and 2004
WIN MN Right Living -- newly CERTIFIED Teacher?
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| Subject: WOW |
Author:
Lindi Lee
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Date Posted: 00:06:24 01/30/06 Mon
I'm soo very pleased...excited...and overwhelmed...at the way this website has grown. The women that post...it just gratifies me to no end that woman can learn, grow, TRUST and become comfortable with who they are bit by bit - by this new forum..
To Tracy....you just keep it up!!! God REALLY had a plan for you, when HE created you...And I thank you for the fact that when introduced to this program...RL saved me, my children, and my marriage! I'm soo happy to be teaching this in Canada!!!
I also too want to share with everyone... something we all can have more of, I did sent it to some people, but it is just fitting that it goes in here....
God’s Beauty Tips
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others.
To lose weight, let go of stress, hatred, anger, discontentment, and the need to control others.
To improve your ears, listen to the Word of God.
For poise, walk with knowledge and self-esteem.
To strengthen your arms, hug at least 3 people a day; Touch someone with your love.
To strengthen you heart, forgive yourself and others.
For the ultimate in business, casual or evening attire,
Put on the robe of Christ;
It fits like a glove but allows room for growth.
Best of all, it never goes out of style and is appropriate for any occasion.
Doing these things on a daily basis will certainly make you a more beautiful person.
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| Subject: Tracy, Can you recommend a book for additional reading on Dependant Disorder? Thanks |
Author:
Tia
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Date Posted: 15:43:30 03/01/06 Wed
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| Subject: A message to share.... |
Author:
Emmilie Lynn
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Date Posted: 12:47:49 02/23/06 Thu
Hello everyone,
Recently I came across a verse that had a profound impact on my life and I wanted to share this with all of you.
"Trying to do anything without the necessary skills or tools is like chopping with a dull axe. If your tool is dull, you sharpen it to do a better job. Similarly, if you lack skills, you should sharpen them through training and practice. In each situation, sharpening the axe means recognizing where a problem exists, acquiring or honing the skills (or tools) to do the job better, and then going out and doing it. Find the areas of your life where your "axe" is dull, and sharpen you skills so you can be more effective for God's work." Ecclesiastes 10:10
This was a huge AH-HA moment for me and gave me a sense of direction with my dreams (along with a conversation with a good friend of mine, thanks Tracy). I would love to hear everyones thoughts on this verse and if it affects any of you the way it did for me. Enjoy!
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| Subject: Please add me to the list |
Author:
Angela
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Date Posted: 15:26:08 02/16/06 Thu
Dear Tracy:
Enjoy your time in Hawaii, and please add me to this list of rejuvenation topics.
God Bless,
Angela
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| Subject: A thought for my Right Living Friends! |
Author:
Tia Hunsperger
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Date Posted: 23:40:38 01/30/06 Mon
A few years ago I took a class on Communication in the work place. The speaker said that the average person can expect that 3% of people won't like them. On occasion I have a person complain about working with me. When it happens, I examine what I could have done differently. After that I chalk it up to my 3%. I figure it is less likely for me to run across another one of "those" people again soon. I was reminded of this the other day and thought someone else might be able to use it.
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| Subject: Trust??? |
Author:
Emmilie Knutson
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Date Posted: 10:35:59 01/28/06 Sat
To all my Globe/Right Living friends:
This past week I have been the brunt of alot of events dealing with trust! My problem is that I am too trusting of others and do not know how to put up the boundaries that I need, and when to say no. I do not want to say no to someone who I can trust and yes to someone I cannot. So my question to you is this: How can I trust the "authentic" people in my life and put boundries up with those in my life that cannot be trusted? There are certain people in my life that are repeat offenders against me and yet I keep allowing them to destroy my emotions. Then there are those who have never hurt me and who I thought were good friends, and then Wham! They turn around an hit me with their bus of distruction.
I am finding it VERY hard to trust anyone right now, including myself. Which is not fair to those who have not hurt me and have always been true. Not only have I been treated unfairly by family this week, but some so called friends too. HOw can I learn to trust people again, as well as trust myself to do the right thing? I love helping people, but do not want to be burned again. If you can give me any insight please do!
Thanks,
Emmilie
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| Subject: Workplace Issues |
Author:
Angela Proper
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Date Posted: 13:16:08 01/29/06 Sun
Dear Tracy & Fellow "Right Living" Students/Graduates:
I am currently experiencing problems in my workplace. I recently started a new position several months ago at a company that is very demanding of it's employees. During this time, I also left my abusive boyfriend, and moved into my own place. Since then, I have been bringing work home every night and weekend (since September). I have not even had a chance to finish unpacking!
My main challenge is that the woman who was asked to "train" me has not been doing her part, and when I go to her with questions she responds with statements like "I don't feel like being a team player", "I don't have time, etc." She has also done some very unethical things like taking credit for my ideas, telling me to do something a certain way when she knows it's the incorrect way, and then lets me take the fall for it, treats me like I'm invisible, and never gives me credit for anything--only criticism. I have talked to my boss about this, but he tells me that I need to work it out with her. The problem is that I think my boss and her are having an illicit and inappropriate affair (the two of them are married to other people), so he favors her....I hate being in this situation. It's causing me lots of stress. I go home every night crying. I feel as if I continue to talk to my boss about my concerns he will hold it against me. I have thought about switching jobs, but I know that having only 6 months on my resume at one particular job will not look good. Oh, and also my predecessor did not get along with this particular woman I'm having problems with, and she was fired. So therefore, I feel like I have no choice but to take the abuse. I have tried to use my words to tell her how I feel, and she just bulldozes over me! Does anyone have any advice?
Many thanks,
Agnela
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Subject:  What fun! |
Author:
Coretta D. Doll
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Date Posted: 09:20:10 01/08/06 Sun
Dear WIN family,
I am so excited about this new site. It is simply the funkiest thing out there. An It will be fun to connect with those who may not post on the GLOBE site. Tracy you just keep turning out inspiring work. You should be very proud of yourself. I know I am proud of myself for excepting RIGHTLIVING. A program that has saved my life. And given me a more than I could ever hope for. But enough of the heavy stuff. What a fun girly GRL site. Keep it up!
GOD BLESS,
Coretta D. Doll
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