[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted:21:05:26 10/13/07 Sat
Hi Globette, and all of you who love someone who is making you lose yourself. In class #5 "The Definition of Co-Dependent: ME!" step number 7 in healing is called "Detachment". Here is an excerpt from my teaching. It is something I wrote to myself (A 'Note to Self') when I was suffering due to other people's choices. I hope my words bring some clarity to realize you are not alone and most important, there is help."
(FROM THE CLASS #5 The Definition of Co-Dependent:ME!"
Finally, Healing Step #7: Detach
It is very difficult to love somebody whose choices are killing us. And though leaving them behind and moving forward is an option for some people, for others, it is not an option. What if we want to have those people in our life?
The key to loving them in a safe way is called, “detachment”.
Detachment does not mean detaching from the person whom we care about. Instead detachment is learning how to detach from the agony of their choices.
Detachment is an act of love: Both self love, a servant of God love, and other love.
How is it love?
It is love because each of us is responsible for ourselves. And when we attach to other people, we detach from ourselves, keeping everyone in a stuck pattern.
I am going to share with you all a writing from my journal that best explains the emotion of detachment. I wrote it(to myself) when I realized I needed to detach from some people I loved very much because their choices were killing me.
Here it is:
“Today I am realizing I need to make a change.
I feel myself feeling crazy and wounded by other people, so Tracy, take out your Personal Life Rule book and remind yourself how to get back to good.
(And here are guidelines I give myself to get back to good)
I, Tracy, will not allow the behaviors of other people to torment my life. When I have a problem that controls me, rather than bother me, it means I am out of balance. Since this situation is controlling me, I need to stand in truth and realize I, (not them) are out of balance.
I will choose to act and think today, rather than re-act to life. Meaning, I will not guilt, self hate, worry, use controlling gesture, care take, go depressed, fury, fear, get anxious or go shame, on account of them. Instead, I will use my words to express my needs, and my use my sound mind to discover my safe choices. I must do this because thinking, is a God given action. (Intelligence is free Tracy, so please use it...)
As I know I must detach, I must remind myself that detachment does not mean that I am excluding this person who I care about from my life. But instead it means that I am stepping back from the agony of their choices. Choices that are killing me.
I, Tracy Kemble, will allow people to be who they are.
I will allow life to happen and not force or control it.
Then I will make my plan for MY emotional safety.
I will remember that I have the power to love without going crazy. And that I do not have to be so afraid of people. They are human like me.
I will remember that I cannot work on my life and others at the same time. If I have any self love, I will do this for myself, God and them.
I remind myself that when I choose to hold onto, control or create someone else’s life, it is only an excuse not to live my own. So I will choose my life as my project of choice.
Remember Tracy, everyone possesses the power and the right to navigate their life, regardless of what you think or believe.
Remember Tracy, you must accept it, but you do not have to allow it in your life.
So therefore Tracy, do not abandon yourself anymore. Walk back in on your life, trust God that you can make choices for your wellbeing.
