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Subject: hmmm any insight might help

Author:
alumni (confused)
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Date Posted: 06:27:38 11/20/07 Tue

I have been married for 3 years to my second husband. I really thought (as we all do) that this was the One! Only to later feel like I was manipulated through the dating process and who he appeared to be is not really who he is.
I have two children a boy and a girl. My son absolutely loves him, and well my daughter (the youngest) I don't think cares. And so she shouldn't. He treats her like she is invisible and completely obvious that he really doesn't care for her but tolerates her. And as I type all of this I feel like I know the answer of what I need to do but yet feel some need for some reassurance.

I know I am in an emotional, pshycological, and at one point (only once but that was enough) physical abusive relationship. Neither his kids or mine know about the one time he got physical. However, they do see he doesn't treat me kindly mood wise. About the same way he treats my daughter.

My problem is I want to move away from it for my sake but after conferences last night I realize and saw alot of things in my little girl that is worrying me and that the damage he is causing has shown through after numerous times I have told him not to be the way he is to her. He basically tells her to be quite, quit doing this, go do that, don't but into conversations, quit playing the piano, quit singing. She basically said she feels invisible,and BOY do I know how that feels.
But My Son is so comfortable and happy for the first time n 5 years since my divorce. He is excelling in sports, because he has a step dad that is a freak about sports and they have all of that in common. He is getting straight A's. and yet is always worried my husband and I are going to get divorced.

So My Dilemma: IF if stay in the situtation I destroy my soul and my daughters
If I leave I destroy my sons.

Catch 22 if you will. I am wise enough after all I have been through to see the patterns and know what is going on, but never did I think I would be in this position with the children.

Any thoughts?

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Hi Alumni - I'm missing a valuable piece of information. Where is the children's birth father and why is he not involved? Male connection is important. A step father is not the only male connection on the planet - right? Your daughter: sounds as though she is imaging you (i.e., the invisible). Therefore, you must be her boundary. How? Do your own healing work first. Why do you feel invisible in this relationship and is this a common feeling when you are in relationships? Where did you first learn to be invisible? Where did the women in your family learn to become invisible? This is about pattens and learning to stop the self abandonment so your daughter can be whole is your job... with our without this relationship. I recommed class #3 Alone but Not Lonely from the Right Living program as a good starting place. Hope this helps - definitely connect with someone in your area for support. Dr. Tracy 04:59:02 11/25/07 Sun

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>I have been married for 3 years to my second husband. >I really thought (as we all do) that this was the One! >Only to later feel like I was manipulated through the >dating process and who he appeared to be is not really >who he is. >I have two children a boy and a girl. My son >absolutely loves him, and well my daughter (the >youngest) I don't think cares. And so she shouldn't. >He treats her like she is invisible and completely >obvious that he really doesn't care for her but >tolerates her. And as I type all of this I feel like I >know the answer of what I need to do but yet feel some >need for some reassurance. > >I know I am in an emotional, pshycological, and at one >point (only once but that was enough) physical abusive >relationship. Neither his kids or mine know about the >one time he got physical. However, they do see he >doesn't treat me kindly mood wise. About the same way >he treats my daughter. > >My problem is I want to move away from it for my sake >but after conferences last night I realize and saw >alot of things in my little girl that is worrying me >and that the damage he is causing has shown through >after numerous times I have told him not to be the way >he is to her. He basically tells her to be quite, quit >doing this, go do that, don't but into conversations, >quit playing the piano, quit singing. She basically >said she feels invisible,and BOY do I know how that >feels. >But My Son is so comfortable and happy for the first >time n 5 years since my divorce. He is excelling in >sports, because he has a step dad that is a freak >about sports and they have all of that in common. He >is getting straight A's. and yet is always worried my >husband and I are going to get divorced. > >So My Dilemma: IF if stay in the situtation I destroy >my soul and my daughters >If I leave I destroy my sons. > >Catch 22 if you will. I am wise enough after all I >have been through to see the patterns and know what is >going on, but never did I think I would be in this >position with the children. > >Any thoughts?
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