Subject: Hi 17 and hurting. Thanks for the email. 1st abuse is starting as young as junior high, so you are not alone. 2nd, you have to realize that as you two got together at such a young age, there is probably a confusion as to if there are two people in this relationship, or if you two together have merged into one. 3rd - tell me why you feel the need to 'obey' him? You are a smart girl (I can see that you have a good observation level.) As you two have become one, and both of you come from a traumatized background (click here)
Author:
Dr. Tracy Kemble
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Date Posted:15:03:17 01/01/08 Tue In reply to:
Amanda
's message, "help?" on 07:16:43 12/21/07 Fri
the lines of 'self' have become blurred. I am concerned to hear that you are living an adult life (ie working through relationship issues) when you are still just a young girl. This is robbing you of your childhood and in order to be free adults, we all need to have a safe childhood.
It is true, you cannot change him. I understand that your goal is to 'show him normal'. You however must be strong enough to be able to live a 'normal' life to be able to show him what 'love' authentically is. You are not able to do that because if I hear you correctly, you crumble under his abuse, punishment or abandonment. That is not normal nor is it love.
So where to go? Both of you, not just him, needs to understand what a healthy relationship is. There is a Right Living Principle "You cannot give what you do not have" and from your past, I can hear that athentical safe love is not something that either one of you have been given. In order to get to a healthy place, you need to be clear what that means.
One thing for sure. The abuse, unless directly treated, will get worse. You at 17 cannot be a prisoner. This is not what '17' is supposed to feel like. Consider joining the program if there is not help in your area. We are here for you.
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