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>Here I am again. Trying to get my tool box out and >find what tools to use. Funny it is like speaking a >foreign language, if you don't use it you lose it. I >have not held on to my healing enough the first time >and now I am fighting everyday to get it back and make >daily a better choice for myself and my kids. > >OK so the long story I dont want to bore you with but >bottom line is this... I left a verbally, emotionally >and caotic alcoholic marriage, and when I did I >thought I was in my healing and had a sound mind to >make the decisions I need to when entering new >relationships. Well here I am 6 years later, >re-married, and was googly eyed "IN LOVE" with a man I >could tell EVERYTHING TO WITH OUT FEAR OF JUDGEMENT, >LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY, TREATED MY KIDS GREAT, HAD >TONS IN COMMON, and well after the I Do the control >that I guess looking back I saw I definetly see now. >Obvious he is unhealed, obvious he has abusive habits >in all forms, some worse than others(verbal) and I am >quite aware but can't seem to figure out why I let him >use God to make me believe that by wanting to leave >the situation I am not doing what God would want? I am >in ARMS (I believe it is an off shoot of WIN) Abuse >Recovery Ministry Services and it is very similar to >RL the fellowship is nice, and I am really trying to >get those tools back. I think I just need to gain >continued strenght by better choices one day at a >time. However when I try to speak to my husband (who >now is really trying, and I generally think he >realizes the traits he has after fighting him about it >for years, He is catching his verbal stuff but not >seeking help) SO if he is trying and I am telling him >I am numb, and not sure how I feel about things and >that I lack trust for him to change, he says go ahead >leave (make the wrong choice that you know you will be >making) and leave I cant stop you that is your choice. >You know what you are suppose to do, as if God wants >me to tolerate, forgive and not make him >accountable.??? Any ADVISE?
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