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>>Here I am again. Trying to get my tool box out and >>find what tools to use. Funny it is like speaking a >>foreign language, if you don't use it you lose it. I >>have not held on to my healing enough the first time >>and now I am fighting everyday to get it back and make >>daily a better choice for myself and my kids. >> >>OK so the long story I dont want to bore you with but >>bottom line is this... I left a verbally, emotionally >>and caotic alcoholic marriage, and when I did I >>thought I was in my healing and had a sound mind to >>make the decisions I need to when entering new >>relationships. Well here I am 6 years later, >>re-married, and was googly eyed "IN LOVE" with a man I >>could tell EVERYTHING TO WITH OUT FEAR OF JUDGEMENT, >>LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY, TREATED MY KIDS GREAT, HAD >>TONS IN COMMON, and well after the I Do the control >>that I guess looking back I saw I definetly see now. >>Obvious he is unhealed, obvious he has abusive habits >>in all forms, some worse than others(verbal) and I am >>quite aware but can't seem to figure out why I let him >>use God to make me believe that by wanting to leave >>the situation I am not doing what God would want? I am >>in ARMS (I believe it is an off shoot of WIN) Abuse >>Recovery Ministry Services and it is very similar to >>RL the fellowship is nice, and I am really trying to >>get those tools back. I think I just need to gain >>continued strenght by better choices one day at a >>time. However when I try to speak to my husband (who >>now is really trying, and I generally think he >>realizes the traits he has after fighting him about it >>for years, He is catching his verbal stuff but not >>seeking help) SO if he is trying and I am telling him >>I am numb, and not sure how I feel about things and >>that I lack trust for him to change, he says go ahead >>leave (make the wrong choice that you know you will be >>making) and leave I cant stop you that is your choice. >>You know what you are suppose to do, as if God wants >>me to tolerate the verbal stuff and lack of emotional >support, we have no intimacy AT ALL right now and are >not even really friends,I do forgive him, but he still >has to be accountable??? Am I going crazy? The whole >God thing I am getting so confused on, WHich is bad >considering he releaved me and released me before when >this happened?Any ADVISE?
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