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Subject: alone but not lonely

Author:
mouse (sad)
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Date Posted: 11:29:39 04/21/08 Mon

Dearest Dr Tracy my life is in so much turmoil at the moment and I feel so low and desperate, I feel like I know what must be done but am lacking the confidence to begin and hoped that you could give me a few words of encouragement and a little push in the right direction, I feel like I could so easily give up on everything and just want to curl up in a corner. My daughter is now getting help with her alcoholism but recently had a few relapses and the consequences of that were to be taken to court where she received a fine and court costs which I had to pay as she is only 16, one of my other daughters punched my eldest in her face and also had to go to the police both of which has left me with no savings and no where to turn. The verbal abuse from them is tearing at my soul and every bad word is like a knife in my heart. I am caring and so patient with them and assure them that I love them but still get treated this way every day and dont know how to stop it. The violence and agression is rubbing off on my little one and I am trying to shield her from it and help her to grow up as a caring loving person but am scared it will leave a lasting impression on her. My 14 yr old has some minor mental health problems which is why the doctors say she behaves this way but it is so very difficult to deal with and I have no family to support me, all my friends wont come anymore because she has been verbaly abusive to them. The only support I do have is my husband but he works very long hours and gets upset when I am constantly talking about the bad things that happened that day, I only have him to talk to but now feel that I cant say anything about how I feel or my fears incase I upset him.
I also have problems with the way my husband is with our finances, he never opens any bills and is behind with the bank, I cannot work now because our 14yr old has to be home schooled due to the fact that she was expelled so many times and refused to work with her tutors so finances are bad at the moment and everytime I ask him to let me take over running them he changes the subject. I dont know how bad it is as he wont tell me and feel angry and scared.
I am so confused right now and dont know how things could have got so bad, I took your advice and got myself some counselling and it really helped me to put a lot of the past behind me and focus on the future and to see that 'everything' is not my fault as I used to believe but I feel so low and exhausted at the moment that it is hard to pick myself up and start the healing process again. I have been loosing my hair because of the stress and am constantly unwell.
Thank you in advance for any advice as I know you are very busy right now and thank you for creating this forum, it really feels like a blessing right now, My Respect Mouse

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Hi Mouse - As I read this, I cannot help but wonder what is the violent current behind everyone's rage? Children are no born angry, yet there is a lot of anger it seems. In your sessions with your counselor, you need to make sure you not only focus on the immediate crises, but also begin to understand the 'why' behind the rage. Of course alcoholism brings a lot of anger into a family dynamic, so also deal with that as well. I recommend some personal work on co-dependence for you. Hope this helps. Dr. Tracy Kemble 07:09:50 08/06/08 Wed

Thank you, (click in) mouse 09:58:15 08/09/08 Sat

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>Dearest Dr Tracy my life is in so much turmoil at the >moment and I feel so low and desperate, I feel like I >know what must be done but am lacking the confidence >to begin and hoped that you could give me a few words >of encouragement and a little push in the right >direction, I feel like I could so easily give up on >everything and just want to curl up in a corner. My >daughter is now getting help with her alcoholism but >recently had a few relapses and the consequences of >that were to be taken to court where she received a >fine and court costs which I had to pay as she is only >16, one of my other daughters punched my eldest in her >face and also had to go to the police both of which >has left me with no savings and no where to turn. The >verbal abuse from them is tearing at my soul and every >bad word is like a knife in my heart. I am caring and >so patient with them and assure them that I love them >but still get treated this way every day and dont know >how to stop it. The violence and agression is rubbing >off on my little one and I am trying to shield her >from it and help her to grow up as a caring loving >person but am scared it will leave a lasting >impression on her. My 14 yr old has some minor mental >health problems which is why the doctors say she >behaves this way but it is so very difficult to deal >with and I have no family to support me, all my >friends wont come anymore because she has been >verbaly abusive to them. The only support I do have is >my husband but he works very long hours and gets upset >when I am constantly talking about the bad things that >happened that day, I only have him to talk to but now >feel that I cant say anything about how I feel or my >fears incase I upset him. > I also have problems with the way my husband is >with our finances, he never opens any bills and is >behind with the bank, I cannot work now because our >14yr old has to be home schooled due to the fact that >she was expelled so many times and refused to work >with her tutors so finances are bad at the moment and >everytime I ask him to let me take over running them >he changes the subject. I dont know how bad it is as >he wont tell me and feel angry and scared. > I am so confused right now and dont know how things >could have got so bad, I took your advice and got >myself some counselling and it really helped me to put >a lot of the past behind me and focus on the future >and to see that 'everything' is not my fault as I used >to believe but I feel so low and exhausted at the >moment that it is hard to pick myself up and start the >healing process again. I have been loosing my hair >because of the stress and am constantly unwell. > Thank you in advance for any advice as I know you are >very busy right now and thank you for creating this >forum, it really feels like a blessing right now, My >Respect Mouse
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