Subject: Hi Saz - this is definitely a chaotic, love addicted relationship. And, as there is name calling, that is a sign of verbal abuse. The flaunting other women in front of you probably feels like abuse, but in reality, it is just him being mean and childish. I do not believe in holding a child randsom, but at the sametime, I believe that if he wants 'rights', then he needs to act like the father (i.e. provide) because anything short of that is just a fan club and last I heard 'fan clubs' don't have rights. You need to do some work on Love Addiction (we have a teaching on line). The push-me-pull me you two experience is evidence and if left untreated it will most likely just get worse. Hope this helps!
Author:
Dr. Tracy Kemble
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Date Posted:20:33:34 05/05/08 Mon In reply to:
saz
's message, "emtional abuse relationship or me being stupid and weak?" on 16:33:28 05/04/08 Sun
>i met my ex 5 years ago and it was true love but he
>had commitmet problems as his family was very
>dysfunctional(he had seen his parents fight)i tried to
>help him with his commitment problems and let him move
>in with me from there things went down hill he would
>never open up to me and would constantly go out with
>his mates and chat to slim pretty girls and pretty
>much ignore me he would complain about the fact i was
>messy and borrow money off me then 4 months after we
>were living together a member of my family passed away
>and he was loving and care=ing and supportive for 2
>weeks then declared he was leaving me as i was a angry
>nasty person who just needed to get over it!! the day
>after he left me he came in to the bar i worked in and
>kissed a girl in front of me looking at me whilst he
>kissed her for the next six months i tried to move on
>but we ended up sleeping together a lot and i feel
>pregnant i didnt know about it untill i misscarrried
>as we were not together i thought he would accuse me
>of emtional blackmail and say i was doing it to get
>back at him so i kept it to myself after a year he
>was ta my doorstep wanting to gicve things another go
>like a fool i trusted him " i then found out it was
>because he was homeless" everything was going great
>untill my friends party where i got drunk and felt i
>couldnt keep it to myself and told him his reaction
>was i was a spitefull bitch not once asking me how i
>felt or why i couldnt tell him from then on things
>went bad again he moved in with someone lese and slept
>around making sure i knew about every girl but doing
>it in a way that he couldnt be blamed for me finding
>out eventually i manged to get my confidence back up
>and was happy in a new home without any memories of
>him and then he came back this time it was that we
>should try again as he had sorted his life out and he
>wanted me to be in it i should have seen it coming but
>i didnt then i found out i was pregnant and we were
>both over the moon yet at the same time i was
>terrified of the fear i would lose the baby and he
>didnt really seem to bothered by this untill 3 motnhs
>gone on christmas eve he went out with one of his
>mates and the next day he left me i struggled thru the
>pregenacy trying to keep him involved and when i asked
>about csa he got a girlfirend to threaten me then came
>the day of our child birth and the mani used to love
>came back and cut the cord and held my hand thru all
>of it and it was the happiest day of my life and for
>the first 3 months it was bliss untill he met someone
>and told me that as we werent a couple (which i
>thought we were) he would be with her now and that he
>was too busy for his child then kept floating in and
>out of his childs life untill i finally put my foot
>down and stopped him seeing his daughter(he has paid a
>penny to her by the way)he said i was fat stupid
>pathetic phscyotic and a liar and that my parents
>could pay for our child so why should he now he has
>totally changed his tune and is claiming he is the
>victim by saying im banning him from seeing his child
>and that its all my fault if our child grows up
>emtionally cut off admittley i dont help matters as
>when i try and contact him regarding out chisds
>welfare i end up texting him nasty messages as he
>ignores us unless it suits him
> because of me he also flaunts his new lady friend at
>the bar i go to when my family sit for my child and he
>has made his amily choose between hima nd the child
>leavin my child without grandparents my family have
>been amazing and so havemy friends and i have lost
>loads of weight and im trying to get him out of my
>life but the guilt i feel for not letting our child
>see its father is tearing me up inside and i am ment
>to go out for a friends birthday next week and i am
>scared to in case he makes my life hell as usual.
>he doesnt want me but doesnt want anyone elze to have
>me and to make matters worse he always shows off his
>younger prettier girl friend and has admitted to me in
>the past he has cheated on me then denied and said he
>only said that to be mean?
>i feel i have no control over my life and everytime i
>try and move on he comes along and pulls the rug from
>under my feet
>is this a emitional abusive relationship or am i just
>weak?
>sorry to go on and on but i had to get it out of my
>system its been years!
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