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Subject: Hi, I never received any advice but it hasn't gotten any better. I have totally sheltered her and didn't invite her to Grandparent's Breakfast and she was heated! She found out about it and left me a nasty message saying how much she loves my kids and is there for them. This is a total lie-they never even hear from her. I'm tired of the abuse and self-pity, can anyone help? Author: 03 alum [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 07:46:33 05/23/08 Fri In reply to: 03 US Globe Gal 's message, "I have a question about my mother. I'm in my 30s & don't have much of a relationship with her. Why you are probably asking? Well the short of it is she hit me when I was younger, embarrassed me constantly as a teen, made up horrible stories, blamed me for her divorce from my father saying he loved me more (sick I Know!), walked out on my brother, sister, & I when I was 17, and had numerous affairs while my dad was an officer in the military and off fighting for our country. I have never had much respect for her and my father who is a great man, has basicaly acted like a mom and dad to me. The problem is I'm married and have kids and I'm worried about my girls. My mom never calls or sees them and I don't want to push my beliefs and opinion about her on them but they are starting to see it. They are 9 and 6. She does everything for her other grandchild and nothing for mine! Am I a bad person for not wanting anything to do with her and for sheltering my kids from her? Click in" on 16:15:51 06/04/07 Mon [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Subject Author Date Hi Alumni sorry for the delay in my response. When a person is abusive they rarely admit, "Wow, I suck at loving people." It sounds like you might be expecting your mom to own her abuse (which obviously she feels that she is doing a stellar job) before u expose ur kids. When a mother rejects a child it causes a pain that runs very deep. Is your mother aware of ur pain? And if she is, is she willing to establish a healthier relationship with you? When it comes to your kids, you have 2 choices in front of you: 1) keep them from her because she is not safe in your opinion. 2) give them limited supervised access to her. If you choose #1, you have that right as you are the kids protector. We don't choose our family and sometimes if they are not safe, it is our responsibility to keep them at arms distance. If you choose #2, then you have the right to establish what you will expect as far as behavior. Remember that u can ask, but she might not be able to perform. Hope this helps. Dr. Tracy Kemble 13:39:53 06/29/08 Sun