Re: Putting on the Brakes or being Cautious, Unsure but feels familiar! -- WIN Foundation

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Subject: Re: Putting on the Brakes or being Cautious, Unsure but feels familiar!

Author:
Denise (Unsure)
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Date Posted: 17:08:49 05/23/08 Fri
In reply to: Denise 's message, "Putting on the Brakes or being Cautious, Unsure but feels familiar!" on 16:55:12 05/23/08 Fri

Still me(Denise),Isent too soon! I have used your advice about the dance between 2 lovers, when they pull back u mirror, ive done this but it has been hard but pushed thru the fear that he may just pull out completely even though this is a concern and either way I tell myself I will be ok with or without him. I feel I need to use my voice like u have also taught me, i was thinking of: asking him if he's aware he does this, then tell him about my withdrawl of love with husband and that if he continues to do this, it will have an affect on our relationship or is it me not holding my own and not him at all? Im afraid of regressing into old patterns now im in love again. I feel like im waiting and i don't want to immobilize. Thanks again.

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Hi Denise! As I have not had the chance to meet your new friend or know much about his history and pattern, before 2nd guessing any action, you need to be direct and ask him what is going on. It is best to learn to be directt (and you can do it gently, which is what I recommend) and between the two of you establish how things need to be when the other is away. One person does not get to create the rules of the relationship. All dynamics must be voted on by both parties. It is a democracy, not a dictatorship - right? And the best way to avoid it becoming a dictatorship is to speak up now. Not only his response but his behavior to the request for new and healthy behavior will set the tone to what your future will look like. Hope this helps! Dr. Tracy Kemble 13:30:33 06/29/08 Sun

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>Still me(Denise),Isent too soon! I have used your >advice about the dance between 2 lovers, when they >pull back u mirror, ive done this but it has been hard >but pushed thru the fear that he may just pull out >completely even though this is a concern and either >way I tell myself I will be ok with or without him. I >feel I need to use my voice like u have also taught >me, i was thinking of: asking him if he's aware he >does this, then tell him about my withdrawl of love >with husband and that if he continues to do this, it >will have an affect on our relationship or is it me >not holding my own and not him at all? Im afraid of >regressing into old patterns now im in love again. I >feel like im waiting and i don't want to immobilize. >Thanks again.
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