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Subject: Hi Dr. Tracy! Thank you for the response. I don't think she realizes that she is doing anything. Everytime I talk to her it is poor her and no one cares about her and she didn't do anything to deserve how she's treated by me and my brother. Sometimes I think she is bipolar. She can be overly nice and then i don't hear from her for 4 months. When I do see her she is always very bug eyed, like she is heavily medicated. When it is convenient for her she gets involved and appears to be this great mom and grandma. I guess I'm just exhausted by it all and don't want to try anymore. But is that fair to my kids? I want to shelter them from the mom that I know so they aren't hurt. Am I a horrible person? Author: 03 alum [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 06:53:09 07/02/08 Wed In reply to: 03 US Globe Gal 's message, "I have a question about my mother. I'm in my 30s & don't have much of a relationship with her. Why you are probably asking? Well the short of it is she hit me when I was younger, embarrassed me constantly as a teen, made up horrible stories, blamed me for her divorce from my father saying he loved me more (sick I Know!), walked out on my brother, sister, & I when I was 17, and had numerous affairs while my dad was an officer in the military and off fighting for our country. I have never had much respect for her and my father who is a great man, has basicaly acted like a mom and dad to me. The problem is I'm married and have kids and I'm worried about my girls. My mom never calls or sees them and I don't want to push my beliefs and opinion about her on them but they are starting to see it. They are 9 and 6. She does everything for her other grandchild and nothing for mine! Am I a bad person for not wanting anything to do with her and for sheltering my kids from her? Click in" on 16:15:51 06/04/07 Mon [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

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Subject Author Date Hi - the thing to realize is that there is no "right or wrong" answer here. There is only a 'what is right for your life', so what you need you to do... what I give you 'permisson' to do, is to raise your children as you see best, trusting in your skills as a mother. 2 sides of the coin to think about in making this decision: Your fear is 'wanting to shelter your kids from the mother you had'. My question would be "Is she the same type of grandparent as she was a parent?" Do the children need sheltering, or is it you that needs shletering. Abusers do not abuse every person they meet. The other side to consider is that if in fact your mother is bi-polar (please note, I am not saying she is nor am I doing a virtual diagnosis, as I do not have enough information to confirm or deny it), you are dealing with someone who is 'ill' and many times and one tool of prevention in working with bi-polar personalities is to remind yourself that that many times it is their CLICK HERE Dr. Tracy Kemble 02:06:19 07/10/08 Thu THANK YOU and yes all of that makes perfect sense! I want to shelter them from the person i had in my life and I pray everyday that I won't be the kind of mom that she was and is. It scares me to become her and I intend to never be her. She can be a good Grandmother but it always gets twisted around and becomes about her and how tough she has it. The poor me syndrome comes out. Nothing can be positive and if it starts out well it always ends sour... I think I'm just exhausted by how hard of work it is and it really shouldn't be. I asked my self today if I am happy not having her in my life and truth be told, I am. My stress level is lower and I am happier so i guess I'll continue with my limited relationship and continue shielding my kids. I'm sorry i sound like such a terrible person but my life is better without the drama and tears... Thank you for everything! (NT) -- 03 alum, 09:22:49 07/10/08 Thu