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Date Posted: 15:50:59 06/07/06 Wed
Author: Nita
Subject: I need some advice

Ok, you know that I have been talking to a 14 yr old survivor of SA. This girl has some serious issues, she has ptsd, did/mpd, adhd and is seriously depressed. She does have a therapist and she sees her about once a week but she is forming a dependency on me for day to day discussions. She has become attached to me, she says she doesn't have many friends (she is a hostile little thing) and pushes everyone away. I didn't let her push me away, I just told her if she needed space to take it, that talking to me was her choice, she had to make the choice. Here is what my problem is: her dad got on her computer and found my board. He read some of her posts (she has told me some fibs, and then admitted that she lied) and became angry and forbade her to ever go there again (which she has honored) but she also goes to the site where I met her and talks to me there. Her dad doesn't trust me (why should he, he doesn't know me) and doesn't want her to talk to me anymore. She refuses to stop talking to me, she hides it from her dad. I, as a parent, would not want my children to disobey me and I have tried to tell her that she shouldn't talk to me against her dad's wishes but she has so few friends she doesn't want to give one of them up. So, I have a moral dilemma, do I just explain why I can't talk to her anymore and not post anymore, do I continue to post and go against her dad's wishes? How do I explain to her that I still want to talk to her but I feel morally obligated not to? I don't know the answers to these questions, I hate to let her down so what do I do? She was molested by her brother, not her father so that's not the issue. I try to take everything she says at face value, I know being believed is really important to a survivor especially a young one but I do find myself questioning things she tells me. I also find that some of her issues are really triggering me, I have thought more about the past in the last month than in the last few years. I think I still have some issues to work on myself.
Sorry this is so long, I just thought maybe you two would have some advice or input that would help me with this.
Loveyoubunches,
Nita

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