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Subject: Re: What's Up With My Daughter


Author:
Jim
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Date Posted: 13:04:14 01/21/07 Sun
In reply to: Art 's message, "Re: What's Up With My Daughter" on 11:07:39 01/21/07 Sun

Hello Art,

My wife has already said don't worry about it. Just let it play out. Right now, if I sat down and talked to my daughter. It would go like this. It makes me very uncomfortable when you leave doors open and walk around the house undressed. She would say, Sorry Daddy, I just won't do that anymore. That would be the end of it I bet. I think my problem is that I am not sure that it is fair or right for me to say that to her. Am I a prude or just a Dad?

I don't know what you mean by applying a double standard.

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[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What's Up With My Daughter


Author:
Art
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Date Posted: 17:47:13 01/21/07 Sun

>
>I don't know what you mean by applying a double
>standard.

Your just a dad, but maybe a prude too. If it's all right with your wife and daughter then it's not a big issue.
But:
A double standard is hitting your boy for his natural instinct of looking at the girl. Would you slap your daughter if she saw your son nude? It's downright unfair to your son. If your daughter is going to expose herself, it's fair for any one to look, including you.

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[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What's Up With My Daughter


Author:
Jim
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Date Posted: 15:00:31 01/22/07 Mon

No double standard here. Until recently, I would have smacked my daughter in the back of the head for trying to sneak a peak at a boy. Art & Joe, you make good points. So now I am confused. I don't know what rules to enforce. I would really like to be able to have a conversation with my daughter. Ask why she started being casual about nudity at home. It would be very uncomfortable. I want to talk to her about it. But I don't know how to begin the talk or what to say that wouldn't make things even wierder or make her feel guilty for doing something that I guess isn't really wrong.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What's Up With My Daughter


Author:
Art
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Date Posted: 15:53:23 01/22/07 Mon

Well you are certainly hung up about nudity, but so are most Americans. If you cannot deal with it at all, then tell your daughter to stop, but tell her that the problem may be yours and not hers. I agree with joe that we'd all be better adjusted in this country if casual non sexual nudity wasn't taboo.
I've never practiced any home nudity with the children present, unlike joe, so I'm probably not the best person to give advice. (In fact my daughters complained if I walked by in brief underwear.) I'd encourage you to discuss it openly with your family, including your wife and son together and come to an understanding. At least in the beginning, your daughter probably should limit exposure when you're home. And if your daughter can do it, your son can too; he may want to. And looking is OK, touching is not.
I'd be interested in joe's thoughts.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What's Up With My Daughter


Author:
joe
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Date Posted: 19:31:17 01/22/07 Mon

jim--i would suggest what art is saying--that is a family conversation about this is in order. you made a statement in a previous post that you "might be a nude prude". i would be curious as to how you feel about nudity in general, same sex family nudity (father/son), and mixed sex familly nudity. are you really hung up on it, or are you just "weirded out" by it, but not against it? art suggested that your son should have the same privledges as the daughter. i agree. in my family, when the kids were growing up, they defined their own modesty, and until high school, there wasn't any. then, it was casual modesty, the boys never had any and the daughters were modest only part of the time. i know from experiences with other families that the boys in families usually had no problems with nudity, but the girls did, so you would see boys nude, and girls in t shirts and panties at a minimum. (i'm talking young here--up to about 6 or 7--even my kids with no modesty would put something on when company visited, then maybe go back to whatever they were if they were comfortable with the setting)
has your son ever dressed very casual or been seen between the bathroom and bedroom naked? would he even want to?
these are some of the questions and comments i would want to make if i was having a family meeting. of course, a lot of times, kids are embarrassed to talk about such subjects to their own parents, so you might not get totally relaxed truthful answers. since you havent' had casual family nudity before now, the subject might be hard to get opened up to, but you never know.
if you decide not to approach the subject with them, and stop her, make sure she knows it's you with the problem, not her. (of course, this is my opinion, not a fact, and art made this suggestion in his previous post) i know there are many (majority) of americans who would disagree with any kind of nudity, but i believe casual family nudity is the best way to raise kids. trying to hide this stuff from kids is a sure way to attract their attention to the very thing you are trying to hide from them or ("protect them from")
one other thing, if your son was not interested in looking at his naked sister, he would be very abnormal and i would worry about it. you would be amazed at how relaxed sibblings are when their curiousities are satisfied by viewing each other in non stressful situations. and there is a certain bonding that takes place in nude situations between same sex and opposite sex family members, the comfort zones expand drastically.
sorry i got so long winded. let us know what happens, jim.
joe

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[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: What's Up With My Daughter


Author:
joe to jim
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Date Posted: 21:29:44 01/21/07 Sun

hello jim--since you said nudity was not common in your house, you daughter knows that, and it would be interesting to know why she all of a sudden started dropping her modesty.
and art is sure correct when he says don't apply a double standard concerning your son and daughter. who wouldn't look at a naked person when they are not accustomed to it? any boy will look if he has the chance, and visa versa. and reading most of the posts on these types of boards, it's the boys who get short-changed because they have forced nudity and girls look, but the girls modesty is always protected so the boys don't get a chance.
boys are always wanting to look and "feel", but if they were raised in a family or environment where males and females had equal exposure, the boys curiousity would be more satisfied than it is when they are prohibited from seeing. the double standard as we have it here in the u.s. is a total crock of s***.
joe

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