| Subject: waiting for group approval, but need help, support, advice |
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Date Posted: 20:49:08 06/20/07 Wed
I am copying and pasting my information from the yahoo!group questionnaire...
Three months after I married, I found out that the man
i married had been having sex with another man for the past several months. He has also shown romantic/physical interest in a married woman (with children) that he works with. He apologized, saying that he is a disaster to me and his family and that he loved me but that he is "crazy inside" and that he was happy for a while but started getting on the Internet and became obsessed with "experimenting" with men. He described the man he had sex with as a "brother figure". In the last week he has acknowledged being attracted to men and women both for as long as he could remember. When he was in his late teens - early 20's he was involved in an abusive and violent relationship with a priest who was more than 10 years older than him. The relationship lasted several years - during which period he also had a girlfriend who he was sexually involved with and became engaged to. He broke up with her under pressure from the priest and eventually left the state altogether to get away from the priest. He often describes the men in his life as "father figures" or "brother figures". He has quit his jobs, spent all night on the phone or Internet with people he has never met. Few of them are women, most are men. He lied to me about everything, and he didn't always use protection. He also cheated on me with at least one woman (just found out about a second woman two days ago). For two months after he disclosed the cheating on me he isolated himself, saying he didn't need help that if he worked 15 hours a day and didnt't get on the Internet, everything
would be fine. For weeks he acted like he hated me and he no longer wanted me in his life. He told me he wanted a divorce and said he never loved me and and was never attracted to me. He says he married me only because I wanted it. I was an emotional wreck - feeling victimized and scared. The man he was having sex with is...was a family friend who, after my husband told him he wanted out of the relationship, threatened to tell everyone about them and eventually telling the married woman that my husband was also pursuing.
Over the past few months though - things have changed - now he wants to stay married but not to live with me - and for us to be friends. He says he is more attracted to men than to women. He recently had a one-night stand with a woman, but he acknowledged that he partly did it because he wanted to see if he was still attracted to women and still interested in sex with women. He fantasizes about having an idyllic life with a man - eventually living with him, but as he is under a lot of pressure right now - I'm not sure how much of it is based in fantasy - also his words are the replica of the words he used with me - wanting the same things.
He is victimized in his relationships with men, yet he victimizes the women he has relationships with.
I am miserable, constantly sad, irritated with him, confused by all the lies that he told me, lonely, mistrusting of EVERY man, and unable to let go. I told him that as long as he seeks therapy, I will remain married to him - he says he will think about it.
I suppose if I have a question it would be this - in anyone's opinion - I suspect he has a sex/love/relationship addiction on top of everything else. His brother has a gambling addiction, and his parent's marriage doesn't sound very healthy (but I don't know about any addictions). If he dealt with the addiction part of his problems - how much would that help the rest of his behavior? I hate having to accept his bisexuality because I think he is gay, not bisexual. He insists he is bisexual because, he says, he gets erections from women and he is attracted to women. But most of his attraction to women is based on getting a woman pregnant and having a son. We tried for a baby, but I miscarried. He denied me having a miscarriage, accusing me of lying and then saying it was my fault because I wasn't healthy enough.
I need any advice or support anyone can give me.
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Is he Gay/bi/or straight?
How do you make this work?
first look
