| Subject: Re: My husband is BI?? |
Author:
trill
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Date Posted: 13:28:34 09/19/06 Tue
In reply to:
Ann
's message, "Re: My husband is BI??" on 12:14:36 09/19/06 Tue
See... you need to take care of YOU!!!! Sleep deprivation and excessive stress takes its tole over the long haul. Put this on the back burner for a while... and try to do something fun in your life.. because you need it and you deserve it!
Not all bisexual or gay men like the same things sexually. So if your husband likes just one activity, and only in the context of pure sex, no emotional involvement, that really does not sound all that unusual to me. People have different tastes when it comes to sex. I used to think that all gay men had anal sex... but that is not the case at all. Some gay men like it others do not.
One thing I have also learned to be true is that bisexual people exist. In fact sexuality can be quite fluid. A man or woman can start out as strictly hetrosexual, then later on have some same sex attractions, yet still have times of attraction to the oppisite sex... then later on still.. find that they are primarily attracted to same sex. That does not nagate the fact that others are bisexual and their attractions shift between the sexs.
I do not think of myself as an expert, not by any means, however I have definately had my eyes opened up since discovery. And just like you, I did not have an aversion to gays prior to discovery either... but when you find out someone you thought you knew better than they knew themselves, is in fact holding that important a part of themselves secret.. well its like the rug of reality is pulled out from underneath you and you start to question everything about your life and what you think is true.. nothing seems real anymore.. at least not while you are still in shock.
But the good news is that peace does come in time.. you just need time. And get into a support group, one that will support your choices no matter what they are. Its hard enough going through this, but if you find you go to one group and they are all judging the situation, is that really helpful?
About 6 years ago I was a total wreck of a woman. You name the emotion and I was experiencing it.. I went from feeling on top of the world to wanting to die... then back again. Its called the rollercoaster. Now since then I have healed. I made some choices that worked great for me, but I also know that each couple must make their own choice.. not all couples stay together, not all should stay together. But when you have a really good connection with your mate, and the love is deep.. and everything else works.. then you just might be better off sticking this out and working through it.
That in no way means that you need to do something that is against your core needs. But do keep an open mind as you work through this. Especially with children involved.
hugs
trill
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