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Date Posted: 23:46:40 12/07/12 Fri
>Sorry for all the questions, but for me this is all new.
That’s ok. Take your time. Discipline is an important responsibility.
All responsible and loving parents have to think carefully about disciplining their children in a way that is most beneficial.
>I talked to my son, we want to try it with the spanking.
Good. I hope it does as much benefit to him as it has been to me and to my children.
>Silvona has indeed already told 2 positions, I can use. Which should I use?
The locked diaper position is my preferred position, for several reasons, but not least because I can maintain eye contact with my children while spanking them. It also allows the best access to the child’s bottom. I usually raise the child’s bottom in the air with a pile of pillows in the corner of the bed, or with the arm of a couch. As I mentioned before I use a jock strap protecting the child’s groin, attached in a way that the straps are between the butt cheeks, not covering them. The key to this position is the way the legs and arms lock, completely restricting the movement of both. (see my first reply)
Having said all that, if you are not confident, the second position is simpler. If you know what you are doing, both positions are good for holding a struggling child – even a teen who is stronger that you are. However, the first is much harder to explain without a picture, and although the diaper position is common enough, the locked diaper position is not. I have never seen picture of it. If you understand how the legs and arms lock – fine. Otherwise, why don’t you try the second (over bed+one knee; legs locked and arm held in the small of the back).
Finally, you can always give your son the choice between the two positions.
>Should I spank him with your hand or with a tool?
Spank him with an implement. Unless you intend spanking continuously for 5 solid minutes, an implement is the only way to spank at teen.
Even with an implement, you are going to need a good number of swats.
I stopped hand spanking my kids when they were three or four.
And do not use a poor implement. Something like a fly swatter is too light. A rolling pin is too heavy. You need to get the weight right. I suggest that if you don’t own one you buy a large wooden bathbush with long handle and a smooth flat back. A large wooden hairbrush is also good.
Try to spank rapidly (more than two swats per second).
If you are using a suitable strong implement, you don’t need to use your full force. A good implement should give you control and precision in the spanking.
However don’t mess about with tapping your son’s bottom either. If your son doesn’t react visibly or audibly to show that the swat was painful, and the bottom doesn’t have a clear red mark from the implement, then it wasn’t hard enough.
Spank so the middle of the brush hits the peak of the bottom squarely ie |( not /( or \(
I hope the | for the brush and ( for the bottom cheek made sense
Never hit with the edge of the brush.
Do not hit too high - there should be plenty of flesh between your brush and the pelvic bone.
Never hit anywhere near the kidneys (ie very high)!
Never hit the tailbone or the spine.
You can spank lower down (the sit spot where the bottom meets the legs), and the upper thighs (both back of the thigh and inner thigh) are fine, but be aware that while the thighs are more sensitive, they also bruise more easily.
Do not spank behind the knee or the calves.
Don’t spank between the butt cheeks. (not really possible with a brush, but some parents do so with a cane or switch)
Don’t spank the genitals (I hope this one was obvious)
>What should I do if my son is uncooperative during the spank behaves.
>Should I stop then?
Should you stop the spanking in progress? – NO! Definitely Not!
Spank until you have given the last swat you feel he deserves. You should have a good idea how many swats before you start. Although you need to adjust this if it is clear that you are spanking too hard or too soft, you should not change because your son is struggling. That would just reward him struggling. I suggest you hold him in place from the beginning so that he cannot move out of position when the spanking becomes painful. If he does not find it difficult to stay in position, then you probably haven’t spanked nearly hard enough.
Should you stop spanking him for future offenses? – Discuss the matter with him, but then you need to decide what is best for him – whether he likes it or not. I would probably keep spanking him BUT I believe that cooperation and approval is in important part of effective discipline of older children and teens. I would be willing to spanking a teen without their cooperation or approval but the spanking will be less effective and on a practical level more difficult. If he changes his mind, and does not want to be spanked, but you feel that it is the best way to discipline him, then do your best to explain why you have decided to keep spanking him. It is important that he understands your love, your motivation and your reasoning (even if he doesn’t agree), if the spanking is to be beneficial for him.
Some parents (including my own) give additional swats or even a second spanking to uncooperative children. I am not opposed to this, but I would add my own caution. Don’t expect a level of self-control that is unreasonably high, and if you add extra swats for struggling or not cooperating, don't be unreasonably strict.
My own method for a lack of cooperation before a spanking is first to talk and talk and talk with them to convince them of their need of a spanking. Then, if that fails, I send the child into the corner. I asked every few minutes if they are ready cooperate fully with their spanking. They know that they have to stay there until they are ready and willing.
I have not had to spank a child without their cooperation for many years now, although I remember one incident in which my son spend two self-imposed hours in the corner before he was ready to take his spanking. I told my children that they take as long as they liked to prepare themselves to receive the spanking they deserved. But my children learned fairly early that it was best to take the spanking right away, rather than add corner time to the punishment.
Once one of my children is in position, I hold them, so there is no possibility of getting out of position. At this point their cooperation doesn’t matter.
I have heard of parents using restrains or tying their children up. I have never done this. Partly I have never had the need. Partly I would not feel comfortable doing this, although I haven’t quite worked out why. I don’t have a problem with spanking naughty children until they howl with pain, but I am squeamish about restraints or rope.
I hope this is helpful advice and that your son benefits from it. I hope he grows up to be a mature, self-controlled and godly adult, and that he enjoys a close and loving relationship with you.
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