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Date Posted: 14:07:54 04/20/08 Sun
Author: mkim
Subject: I had my misgivings about this movie too. But, I really do think this movie has something to say, though i dont think 2 hours is enough to do it. I wish there had been another hour, so that we could see more of the 'journey' to wellness, so that I could understand her addiction. The author posted her thoughts on the commentary after the movie on the DJEfan site. I think it was courageous of her to share this problem with the world & open herself up to ridicule. I certainly wouldnt have the guts to do it. I think I know where youre coming from Cece, but I think the movie was well intentioned.
In reply to: Cece 's message, "WoW Hope! Thanks for the great screen caps! This movie was filmed in a town close to Vancouver, that I go through many many times. But alas, we don't get to SEE it! Now is that right? Is that fair? Is that just? I say NOOOOOOOOOO. This puts to rest all our theories about why we never got to see "more" of Harm. (Inside for more serious comments.)" on 13:31:35 04/20/08 Sun


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[> [> Inside as this a bit on the personal side.... -- Trish, 14:17:47 04/20/08 Sun [1]

As a survivor of sexual assault, I can't imagine that act would make me WANT sex more. (Even with DJE) LOL
I'm not discounting any of the authors experiences, but I can not fathom how being molested at a young age could turn any woman into a sexual addict.A drug addict or an alcoholic maybe. Sure you are looking for that love you feel you didnt get from your father and maybe the acceptance, but sex? *I* am only going on MY personal experience. I wasnt a child at the time either, so maybe that is where the distinction lies.

My problem was in the actress herself. I love her in Army Wives. I just could NOT buy her in this role.
I caught the part where she was telling the psychologist why she acted the way she did (the part about her father) and I didnt believe her. There was no emotion, it was all so clinical. IMO the actress didnt fit the part and it just didnt hold my attention as being true to life.

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[> [> [> I don't want to comment about someone's experiences with sexual abuse. I won't be going over to the ForDJE board. (Inside) -- Cece, 14:40:30 04/20/08 Sun [1]

I do listen to psychologists, and I am aware of sexual abuse cases. I'm very sympathetic to the victims, until they make victims out of other people. That's where my sympathy stops. FULL STOP.

There are millions of people who have suffered from abuse, without using it as an excuse to further victimize. I have ZERO tolerance for people who cheat on their spouses, or have affairs with other people's spouses.

If she is looking for a "father figure", why look at someone else's father? There are plenty of men who are happy to service you, if you are desperate.

This tell all and movie are cheap ways of exploiting an ugly experience. The actor and actress are beautiful people, and that, in itself, glorifies the action. As we all love to joke here, who wouldn't want to have an affair with a man this good looking?

If you are going to do a movie that sends a message, don't airbrush and soft-focus. Make the people ordinary (like the Brits did in movies such as Alphie, or Saturday Night and Sunday Morning, or A Taste of Honey,)and show the sleazy side to such affairs. Because that's what they are: sleazy, sickening, and soul-destroying. I'm disappointed in DJE.

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[> [> [> [> Maybe that is what bothered me. All the actors were beautiful people and made it seem like a GOOD thing. -- Trish, 14:43:39 04/20/08 Sun [1]


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[> [> [> [> [> Indeed, sexual addiction (or whatever it is -- looking for love in all the wrong places addiction, maybe?!) seemed glamorous with such beautiful people depicting it. And, like I said, in my post above -- considering the theme of the movie and considering that HAE has such a powerful , sexual screen presence, it just seemed twisted to cast him in this role! How differently we would have thought of her behaviour if, say, the guy who play Vukovic was cast in this role! -- mj, 15:08:48 04/20/08 Sun [1]


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[> [> [> [> [> [> ACK! The thought of that character still turns my stomach. -- mkim, 16:23:51 04/20/08 Sun [1]


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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Sorry, mkim LOL, I couldn't resist naming Vukovic -- but you get my point exactly. I mean HAE played a character who we should not be attracted to here -- he was sleazy in this role -- right? inside -- mj (who didn't see the movie), 18:01:39 04/20/08 Sun [1]

but, it seems like everyone is having a hard time 'feeling' that because a)HAE and Harm is the guy we all love b) HAE hasn't been in anything since, well, for ages and everyone was so happy just to see him again, 3)he just doesn't have that sleazy thing going on in him, no matter what he plays. I mean, I've not seen him in anything else but JAG and screencaps and some on line footage of some of his other roles, and he just never seems sleazy! Maybe if I would've seen him in that Melrose Place role, I'd think differently. Hero Harm leaves a pretty indelible impression! The guy that played Vukovic does sleazy real well -even without trying!!! LOL

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> He was definitely NOT a good guy in this movie, not one characteristic I saw could be seen as sympathetic. Did I LOVE seeing this guy on TV? YES!! Would I want to see him in a continuing role on a Tv series as this character. Absolutely NOT!! I'd protest!! LOL! -- mkim I dont think I'll ever get over Harm the hero..I never intend to try.(smile), 23:23:10 04/20/08 Sun [1]


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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> I loved seeing DJE ( WOW!). He did a great job, I didn't dislike him nor did I think that he was wonderful. I wouldn't want him to play this type of part all the time and I don't think that he would either JMO, but I chose to look at him as someone who was addicted and chose to ignore his addiction.(inside) -- Dani R, 15:30:12 04/21/08 Mon [1]

The part definitely showed us DJE's acting ability. Fortunately, the other roles that we have heard that he has played and, in the case of the miniseries, will play sounds like he is the good guy we know and love. I guess this gives TPTB a chance to see that he can do well in parts besides the lawyer or the military man or the cop and visually he looks incredible so way to go DJE.

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[> [> [> [> I watched the movie in awe... -- Erk, 15:42:05 04/20/08 Sun [1]

Sadly, in today's world, there are so many grown-ups that are so egocentric they cannot see how their actions impact others. This is in no way justification, but the movie really did show you how it works for some. The scene where the female lead is sitting at a table discussing her affair with her friend. (Her friend did seem midly put-off by the girl's actions, but only enough to hint at it.) The lead made a comment along the lines that no one would get hurt...

Now (hoping I am not going too personal) I would like to say that the movie does hold a lot of truth. (Though, I do not believe in sex addiction either, I believe it is more of a lack of self-control or maybe even morals.) My marriage ended when my ex's behavior became very similar to that of the main character. In his very self-centered view, though, he didn't think of me or our children--it was about him and his needs. Nearly 4 years later, he is still like this--still searching for what he calls love. The more he gets, the more he needs, and the more hollow he feels inside when it is over. And when he feels hollow, well, he knows one way to make that feeling go away--by trying to find another woman to fill that void. It is a viscous cycle, and I do believe that couseling is required to help remedy it, but I think it is more an issue of self-worth than anything else. My ex and the main character have many similarities, the main one being that they both rely on others to make them feel. They have never learned to be happy with themselves, so they are waiting for someone to come along and give them that feeling.

As DJE's character said in the beginning of the movie, "chasing the thrill of the first encounter." I think that statement holds true for most 'love/sex addicts', because the beginning of most relationships are blissful, and so, they are chasing the bliss...

With all of that said, hoping it wasn't too much, I did not like the movie. I try to understand my ex's actions, because we are tied together by two amazing boys, but I will never condone these actions. I find it thoroughly disgusting to know that someone could act with such desregard to those that they love. However, I have learned that we all have different interpretations love. This character, and my ex, were both 'taught' (though, not in the same circumstances) by people that were suppose to love them, that it is acceptable to act selfishly with the people you love. So, even though I don't agree with the behavior, I can understand how after being 'taught' that by someone that loved you, you inturn could act that way towards someone you love. Children learn by example, and I just pray that God helps me set a better one for my children.

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[> [> [> [> [> interesting comment - thank you for sharing. I never gave it any thought but I can see where like any addiction someone could use sex the same as others use drinking or gambling - We can attribute any of it to lack of self control or we can call it a disease. I'm a strong willed person so I consider it lack of self control- but regardless - the truth is that with any Vice- the thrill always comes before loved ones - that's true of gamblers who lose their homes, alcoholics who embarrass their families and sex addicts who sleep their spouse's friends. -- chris k - the movie certainly made it's point and DJE played his part very well- he was totally believable., 12:53:52 04/21/08 Mon [1]


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[> [> [> Just want to make it clear. I'm not defending the behavior. However, since reading accounts from the author of this story, I have a different view of the main character in the movie. In general, women who are almost predetorial when it comes to another womans husband arent necessarily my cup of tea.(To put it nicely) But I thought the point was, that Sue didnt want to be that person anymore. -- mkim, 16:12:53 04/20/08 Sun [1]


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[> [> [> [> I think that the point should have been about Sue getting better. Unfortunately, the movie seemed to be more about her 'fall' than her 'rise'. I really wish that the movie would have focused more on her recovery process and how she has been doing since then. (Though, I did not mind the scenes with a half-naked DJE...) -- Erk, 16:27:08 04/20/08 Sun [1]


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[> [> [> [> Inside.... -- Trish, 16:30:19 04/20/08 Sun [1]

I have been a member of a forum for sexual assault/child sexual assault survivors for a couple of years. I have NEVER heard any of these people women and men EVER talk about it causing them to become sexual addicts. There are 100's registered to the forum.There is one person who is in her 80' who never got married and never had sex EVER after the abuse stopped.
Like I said, I'm not discounting what the author is alledging is/was her problem. I dont have a problem with someone saying they are addicted to sex because they have a craving and are horny all the time etc. I do,however, have a problem with someone blaming said addiction on child sexual abuse.

So since I didnt watch the entire movie I cant speculate on it to that extent I guess. To me though (only my opinion) she was using the abuse as an excuse for her VERY bad behavior in hurting others.

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[> [> [> What bothers me is they took an adulterer and turned her into a victim. By labeling herself with a sexual addiction, it's giving her an excuse to cheat on her husband. If she is that horny, find a good BOB! Cec knows a really good BOB Shop. LOL -- judi, 16:33:30 04/20/08 Sun [1]


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[> [> [> [> It's funny, I didnt see her as a victim, I saw her as someone who literally destroyed her life. I think abuse can manifest itself alot of ways, I think she definitely had a choice as to the way she reacted to that abuse, no doubt. -- mkim, 16:57:45 04/20/08 Sun [1]


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[> [> [> [> [> On the lighter side: You know, I found myself thinking when her husband was gripping about the house not being clean, Dang! Hire a housecleaner then your post mentioned a BOB shop. So then, a new philosophy...Hire a maid, find a good BOB! -- mkim, 17:01:32 04/20/08 Sun [1]


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[> [> [> [> [> [> From what i've read it is a shame they didnt spend as much time on her healing process as they did on the sexual deviant part. -- Trish..who cant see DJE as being sexy at all in this movie. He looked good for his age though., 17:18:26 04/20/08 Sun [1]


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