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Date Posted: 15:42:05 04/20/08 Sun
Author: Erk
Subject: I watched the movie in awe...
In reply to: Cece 's message, "I don't want to comment about someone's experiences with sexual abuse. I won't be going over to the ForDJE board. (Inside)" on 14:40:30 04/20/08 Sun

Sadly, in today's world, there are so many grown-ups that are so egocentric they cannot see how their actions impact others. This is in no way justification, but the movie really did show you how it works for some. The scene where the female lead is sitting at a table discussing her affair with her friend. (Her friend did seem midly put-off by the girl's actions, but only enough to hint at it.) The lead made a comment along the lines that no one would get hurt...

Now (hoping I am not going too personal) I would like to say that the movie does hold a lot of truth. (Though, I do not believe in sex addiction either, I believe it is more of a lack of self-control or maybe even morals.) My marriage ended when my ex's behavior became very similar to that of the main character. In his very self-centered view, though, he didn't think of me or our children--it was about him and his needs. Nearly 4 years later, he is still like this--still searching for what he calls love. The more he gets, the more he needs, and the more hollow he feels inside when it is over. And when he feels hollow, well, he knows one way to make that feeling go away--by trying to find another woman to fill that void. It is a viscous cycle, and I do believe that couseling is required to help remedy it, but I think it is more an issue of self-worth than anything else. My ex and the main character have many similarities, the main one being that they both rely on others to make them feel. They have never learned to be happy with themselves, so they are waiting for someone to come along and give them that feeling.

As DJE's character said in the beginning of the movie, "chasing the thrill of the first encounter." I think that statement holds true for most 'love/sex addicts', because the beginning of most relationships are blissful, and so, they are chasing the bliss...

With all of that said, hoping it wasn't too much, I did not like the movie. I try to understand my ex's actions, because we are tied together by two amazing boys, but I will never condone these actions. I find it thoroughly disgusting to know that someone could act with such desregard to those that they love. However, I have learned that we all have different interpretations love. This character, and my ex, were both 'taught' (though, not in the same circumstances) by people that were suppose to love them, that it is acceptable to act selfishly with the people you love. So, even though I don't agree with the behavior, I can understand how after being 'taught' that by someone that loved you, you inturn could act that way towards someone you love. Children learn by example, and I just pray that God helps me set a better one for my children.

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Replies:

[> [> [> [> [> interesting comment - thank you for sharing. I never gave it any thought but I can see where like any addiction someone could use sex the same as others use drinking or gambling - We can attribute any of it to lack of self control or we can call it a disease. I'm a strong willed person so I consider it lack of self control- but regardless - the truth is that with any Vice- the thrill always comes before loved ones - that's true of gamblers who lose their homes, alcoholics who embarrass their families and sex addicts who sleep their spouse's friends. -- chris k - the movie certainly made it's point and DJE played his part very well- he was totally believable., 12:53:52 04/21/08 Mon [1]


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