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Date Posted: 13:39:11 04/01/07 Sun
Author: manette
Subject: Hey Gib--I think the problem for the victim was..inside
In reply to: Gibs 's message, "Yeah... I think it's hard to tell... (inside)" on 22:24:00 03/31/07 Sat

She'd coped with it for all those years by pushing it down, not dealing with it, and his letter ripped the protective mechanisms she'd put in place away and so for her it was raw and fresh all over again. Maybe pressing charges didn't give her the vindication she was needing, but I still don't think that's something anyone can decide for her.

I agree that living in a victim mentality is self defeating and unempowering, but getting beyond that for her would have had to start all over again once she received the letter. The guy had been living with his remorse for eleven years. She'd been living with his remorse for a few months and it must have brought all the anger she'd originally felt back to the surface. In the big picture it may be sad that she couldn't forgive him and move on, but forgiveness is a gift not something he was entitled to because he felt bad. I think feeling bad has become a substitute for facing consequences. And one doesn't cancel out the other.

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Replies:

[> [> [> [> I'm just throwing this in and not responding to anyone in particular, so...Knowing several women who have been raped and some of the things they have dealt with their entire life...Its my opinion that the victims suffering would be greater than the rapist's remorse. Just my opinion though since I only have one side of the perspective. -- sj, 22:32:12 04/01/07 Sun [1]


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