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Date Posted: 08:16:09 10/05/09 Mon
Author: daughter of a drunk
Subject: I too wondered how things went, and now that we have a bigger background, I truly hurt for you and your family..inside
In reply to: mom 's message, "Checking back in here to ask the mom with the daughter who was" on 06:15:09 10/01/09 Thu

my parents split when I was 14 - just grew apart - so I never had the 'awful homelife' that so many kids experience when parents go their seperate ways. For that alone I am happy and blessed that my parents could see there was no more marriage left and split before it got nasty. Till this day they are still great friends,and its been almost 30 years since they split. They also happen to live in different countries so they only talk on the phone occassionally.

My mother was always a drinker - and of course it got worse as she got older - when she got drunk she used to be the 'happy drunk' but as she got older, she got mean and nasty - and it happened alot faster everytime. My stepfather, was a wonderful guy, most of the time. But even I could see my mothers drinking drove him into the arms of others (no excuse but it was part of it) and when he was confronted about it he would retaliate with violence. Lucky for me I was not home much then as I was an older teen. Only once or twice did I end up on the receiving end of his fists - caught in the middle trying to get my mother to shut up. Only for her begging that I didn't lay charges against him - I could see her point, it would only make it worse. Thankfully she left him about 15 years ago. But that meant she followed me to the other end of the country - and here I was thinking I had escaped her..lol.

Anyway, long story short. I still see my mother every other day. She still drives me nuts with her drinking, but knows that if she goes back to the depths of despair that she was at a few years ago, I will just cut her out of our lives again. PERIOD! I simply will not put my kids through watching her destroy herself. She knows it, and she knows I will stick to it. The only reason she even got back into our lives was because she fell when drunk and busted her hips = 3 months in traction at the hopsital and that dried her out. I do not cover for her drinking or her behaviour with my friends or my children. She has to be accountable for her own actions. If she drinks, we stay away, if she is 'sociable' we will see her. For now, things are under control as much as possible. My kids still see their only grandparent within 5000 miles but they also learned at an early age that alcohol is something that can get out of hand and can make you into something that you don't like. Kind of a crash course in responsible drinking.

All of this rambling, for which I apologise, comes down to this - YOU and YOUR CHILDREN are the ones who are the victims here. For your sanity and theirs, get out as soon as you can. Don't let you or your children get caught in the middle of some awful situation - things will only escalate and someone will get hurt.

Everyone here is a shoulder to cry on and a arm of support. If you need to chat - go right ahead, my dear. In the meantime, find out about womens shelters, public housing, back to work programmes, anything that can get you out to stand on your own without needing him around. You and your children will only benefit from not being in the situation you are currently in. It will be hard, but you can do it, and it will be worth it, as long as you don't leave it too late to get out.

Love, hugs and best wishes go out to you now and every day - and please please, let us know how you are going. We are all here for you - just like one big family.

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Replies:

  • It does change the perspective a bit. I hope that your daughter no longer will be sitting for her cousins. Best of luck to you as you work your way to freedom from these phychos. (NT) -- prayers, 08:40:10 10/05/09 Mon
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