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Date Posted: 11:06:21 11/28/16 Mon
Author: daughter
Subject: I lost my mother a little more than a year ago. More--
In reply to: OP 's message, "Inside" on 13:09:17 11/27/16 Sun

I understand feeling like you will never get past the grief. My father passed more than 25 years ago. I remember saying, "I don't know how I can ever be okay again". Well, I did become okay again. It did take time and even to this day I still miss him. But the pain isn't as sharp as it used to be. This is why, even though it doesn't feel like it, I know that I will become okay again with the passage of time. Several months is not a lot of time. Allow yourself to feel the grief because grief is patient. It will wait for you. If you don't feel it now, it'll sit and wait for you to feel later. I found myself trying to avoid certain things after my mother passed, such as driving past cemeteries. I decided that instead of avoiding them, I needed to deliberately drive past them, Deliberately go TO them. I put her items around my house knowing that looking at them would be a painful reminder that the reason her things were in my house was because she was dead. But I wanted to move past feeling pain when I saw the things to thinking, "that was my mother's. I'm so glad I have that". I rarely went to the cemetery to visit my father's grave before my mother died. I just didn't feel I needed to in order to be close to him anymore. I felt him around me all the time. I had experiences where I knew he was there. After she died, I started going every 2-3 months- to put flowers on her grave and the clean off the headstone, etc. I began visiting his grave and leaving a little something for him also. It makes me feel a little better somehow. Maybe this won't work for you. Everyone is different. But instead of trying to move too quickly from the grief, find a way to honor your dad in little ways. Holidays will be tricky but think of little traditions you can do to honor who he is as a person. It will get better. It's not as if you won't keep missing him. You will for the rest of your life. But you will find that the periods of time without feeling the grief so substantially will start to lengthen. Try to imagine if you were the one who passed away. How you would want your children to feel? You would want them to go on enjoying their lives, without feeling guilty for living. Without feeling somehow responsible for your death, etc. That's what your father would want for you. So if you have a brief moment of joy or a brief moment of not thinking about his death, do not feel guilty about it. You wouldn't want your children feeling guilty. Your father wouldn't want you to either. Hang in there

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