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Date Posted: 22:13:58 12/09/16 Fri
Author: OP
Subject: Thanks for taking the time to write this
In reply to: daughter 's message, "As far as seeing signs of your dad (more)-" on 10:29:05 12/06/16 Tue

I think I was upset about not seeing signs because I felt like I wasn't there for him in his final days on earth. I emailed/texted/spoke to him often, but in the week before he died I was wrapped up in other stuff (which seemed so urgent at the time, but I realize now was so unimportant). He hadn't been feeling well for a few days, but I didn't find out until after he died. I am wracked with guilt that days had gone by without my talking with him. I would have dropped everything to take him to a doctor or hospital. I wonder why he didn't let me know he wasn't feeling well. I can't help but think he felt abandoned and alone when he died, and that he'd still be here if I had just picked up the phone that day to check on him. He was always taking care of everyone else, and there was no one there to take care of him. It just felt like he was ripped away from me, and then there was nothing. I wanted to get a sign or a dream about him, but it's just been emptiness.

I know it will take time to get through this, and realize there are so many people out there who have experienced loss. Your comment about parents knowing things without children verbalizing them brought me comfort. I hope he knows all the things I would have said if we had more time.

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