|Subject: Re: Spanking - a girl discipline
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Date Posted: 18:56:44 05/14/10 Fri
In reply to:
Cheryl for Many Moons
's message, "Re: Spanking - a girl discipline" on 06:16:48 05/12/10 Wed
There were times when we decided it best to not force the issue at the moment. consequently, we never had any physical confrontations. At the same time, spanking was part of a larger subset of broader parenting skills.
If parents understand that spanking is a "means" rather than an "end," then they are less likely to encounter problems. Parents thinking that they have "solved the problem" by spanking alone are more likely to experience difficulties.
Spanking is intended to convey a message that influences future behavior. Yet, it is seldom a "magic bullet" that solves the behavioral difficulty for all time. That is why opponents of spanking can accurately claim that it is only a temporary solution.
Well done, spanking buys the parent time to communicate more important messages. Among other things, it can clear a teen's mind of unwholesome thoughts and rebellious attitudes. Then, it is up the parent to fill the void created by the spanking with more productive thoughts.
Although it addresses the issue of possession, a reading of Luke 11 may help understand the above explanation. Verse 21 talks about "a strong man" able to defend his premises. Verse 22 explains what happens when "a stronger than he" takes the defender's armor.
Now if we move to Verses 24-26, we discover that when an "unclean spirit" seeks to return to the place from which he was cast. Then, finding the house "swept and garnished." the undesirable spirit brings in reinforcements. Things become worse than they were before!
Reading between the lines, it becomes apparent that the verses in Luke 11 have some relevance to discipline. After all, the purpose of spanking is to overcome the emotional, spiritual, psychological, even physical defenses put up by a rebellious teen intent on having his or her way.
In the absence of recent experience, the parent should make the teen fully aware that the paddle, strap, or switch in the parent's hand will "win" in any encounter with the teen's bare behind. For starters, it is going to shred his or her self-protective armor and get right down to where they life! Acceptable evidence of the effect can be seen as pleading and promising becomes repentant crying.
After the teen's defenses have been obliterated, the next step is to get rid of the last vestiges of rebellious sprit within. This usually results in a palpable change in attitude. The teen accepts the parental discipline without resistance. At this point, the teen's mental house has been "swept" clean.
Now, comes the most difficult part. That is to fill the teen's mind with things he or she needs to hear. At this point, bad parents fill their teen's head with more garbage. Incompetent parents fill it with nothing. The latter opens the teen's mental door to the problem described in Verses 24-26. The former does little more than put the teen's body in pain without doing his or her mind any good. Both of these mistakes are likely to result in parents claiming to have "tried everything" and finding that "nothing works" with their teen.
Because spanking has a rhythm, the parent has to be aware of what is going on inside the teen's head. Effective methodology begins with discovering a rate of spanking that matches the teen's disposition. It may be as rapid as two or three spanks a second with mom's hairbrush or it may be one spank ever five or ten seconds with dad's belt. The particulars are irrelevant outside the interaction of parent and child.
Since girls are more amenable to spanking than are boys of similar age, breaching a daughter's defenses is usually not a problem. On the other hand, while it may vary from individual to individual, there comes a time when boys become more resistant, even defiant, than girls. When his happens, spanking the boy may do little more than make things worse.
One traditional preemptive strategy was to not spank boys after pubic hair appeared. Other parents only began to rethink disciplinary strategies only after some untoward encounter with their son. Thus, the tradition was born.
While the decision should be left to the parents to decide if and when they should stop spanking boys, all parents should be aware that there will probably come a time when routine spanking of sons becomes counterproductive.
The bottom line in all of the above is that once spanking becomes a contest of will, or a "power struggle," it becomes a self-defeating exercise. Once the teen thinks that he or she can out last mom or "endure a spanking" without giving it, the resistance become reinforcing. After all, in their mind, they've "won"!
It may think of spanking as a wheel. If it rolls to the right, it enhances parental authority. It if rolls to the left, it reinforces teenage resistance. Consequently, to play it safe, it behooves parents to get their sons under control before they reach their teenage years. While the same advice is good for daughters as well, the situation is not nearly as urgent because, if worse comes to worse, daughters can be, and have been, successfully spanked into their 20s.
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