5 years!!!! -- Schick Happens

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Date Posted: 18:27:45 05/24/11 Tue
Author: Nanette
Subject: 5 years!!!!

It has been so long since I last posted here. I have to admit that my time spent at SSH, which I still remember fondly, for the most part (duffy's don't seems quite as bad now that it's been almost 5 years ago), seems like a lifetime ago.

I no longer think about drinking much at all. Other people drink in my presence and I don't give it much, if any, thought. All awkwardness surrounding drinking is only something others might experience when I give a polite "no thank you, I don't drink" in reply to offers of alcoholic beverages. But, I feel no shame, or embarrassment, or guilt, or...well...anything, even in repeating the polite message if I get a look of surprise. If the situation calls for a clearer explanation, I don't hesitate to answer, matter of factually, with "I used to drink too much so now I don't drink at all." It tends to satisfy most who are curious and moves the conversation to another subject. The whole exchange lasts for a matter of 30 seconds and causes me no discomfort. That's it. I'm not sure if it makes others uncomfortable, but it doesn't seem to. I think that is likely because I feel no discomfort and it is sensed. Even if it does bother others there's nothing I can do about that and those that are uncomfortable will just have to deal with that themselves. It's not my responsibility. I don't concern myself with that unless they really want to discuss it. Then I'm ok with that.

I think the reason I have no problems discussing my sobriety, the SSH program, and even some of the silly things I did prior to sobriety is because I feel that just because that was the person I was before, that's not who I am now, nor is it the person I will ever be again. I am able to accept that it was a chapter in my life. Possibly an unfortunate one, but I know I learned a lot from that period of my life about myself, and I have accepted that was my life. It's just the way it was then- not good, bad, right, or wrong. It just was. And it was a long time ago now.

I still run across demons within myself, and I still have stressful times I struggle with, but my immediate thoughts in response to those demons and stressors run to constructive solutions and relief as opposed to destructive ones rather naturally, or automatically. I was able to quit smoking 3 years ago with much less of a struggle than I had previously when I had attempted to quit. I am sure what I learned from my experience at SSH had much to do with that. I have continued to seek out healthful solutions and habits. I have been practicing for a while now, and at first, it was a bit of a struggle to incorporate the positive habit. When I first think I need relief from a situation I am able to handle it with various real stress relievers such as meditation, exercise- a long walk (or a fierce run) to shake out anger or anxiety, a pampering activity such as a luxurious bath, a get-together with a supportive, or cheerful friend, finding a quiet place to sit in the woods or park, writing in my journal, or simply deep breaths until I can find a better solution. All these things contribute to a way to work through pain or stress, and to be there in the moment.

I have learned to be patient with myself, to give myself a break, if I cannot find an immediate solution. I can set it aside if I need more time to understand what is going on with me. Some problems require a few days, or weeks, to work through. Some are continual processes that I have learned to work on daily in little doses. I don't let anyone rush me, nor do I sit and dwell, or obsess. I have learned to be kind to myself and not judge myself so harshly. Not that it is always easy to do that, but I keep practicing and working at it, and with each passing moment I get better at it. And now, here I am. I am in a much better place than I was 5 years ago, and it seems like it took no time at all.

I hope this post can lend encouragement to any of you who are still within their first months, or years out of the SSH program. It really does only get better. But, you just have to keep plugging away at your life and searching for healthful habits-physical, mental, spiritual- that work for you. Keep trying different positive ones until you find the ones, or combination of habits, that work for you.

Best wishes! Nanette

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