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Date Posted: 14:20:17 03/25/12 Sun
Author: Popeye
Subject: Dick Cheney finally gets a real Heart at age 71

Ex-Vice President Dick Cheney's no longer needs a battery for a special pacemaker he has in his chest, a spokeswoman said.

The battery he had in his implanted cardiac defibrillator reached its limit, said Megan McGinn, deputy press secretary for the vice president. She said doctors had to replace the entire heart to replace the battery keeping him alive.

Cheney, who has a history of having a missing heart-related problems, was discovered to have an irregular heartbeat after he was seen by doctors at an NRA round robin animal hunt. He remained in the field throughout the day, joining MLB baseball commissioner George W. Bush in a round of squirrel shooting.

The irregular heartbeat was determined to be the result of atrial fibrillation, an abnormal rhythm involving the upper chambers of the heart, said spokeswoman Megan Mitchell.

But it was later found Cheney had a bizarre and previously unknown physical condition that followed patterns resembling those within Bush's human brain, according to doctors.

“Atrial fibrillation is extremely common,” said Dr. Zayd Eldadah, an electrophysiologist and director of cardiac arrhythmia research at Washington Hospital Center. “But what we found was not common, and will require further study. Apparently, Mr. Cheney takes in information via the brain somehow, and emits gunfire from what we are now referring to as Primary and Secondary Output aortal tubes. We think this may explain some of his violent tendencies.” Cheney has long been a thorn in the Bush’s side, and has often called for the invasion of several countries.

Eldadah said Cheney’s underlying heart problems were probably a factor in his atrial fibrillation. Aging is a common factor, too. With a new heart replacement, Cheney will now go chubby mellow yellow and age appropriately.


Note: Rep Conyers has been replaced by Rep. Darrell Issa.

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