| Subject: Here is why I suggested secret abuse. |
Author:
Daniel
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Date Posted: 09:10:30 07/04/12 Wed
In reply to:
Master Mike
's message, "Re: Why would she do this" on 06:07:44 07/04/12 Wed
As I have begun many posts here by explaining, I was brought up in a very Irish Catholic home and sexual matters were simply not spoken of. At the time I didn't know that my mom had been abused as a young girl by a close relative and for that reason she could not deal with that aspect of life comfortably, even to her dying day. At times I wonder just how my mom and dad managed to connect and produce several offspring, but do perhaps understand why they were married for more than eight years before I was born.
As a result, the most we were told was to not touch "down there" and some rumor about hair growing on boys palms if they were naughty.
During the year that I was in the sixth grade I had two friends, twins, although I was closer to the one. Their mom took them, their sister and me to a beach and when we got back to their house that evening where I was to sleep over, we were sent to the bathroom to prepare for the older sister to give us a bath/shower to wash the sand and dried salt residue off.
All three boys were told to remove our swim trunks before we were allowed into the kitchen and sent upstairs.
While waiting for their sister to finish some chore Tommy and I compared our little thingys and actually touched one another when what could only have been a mild erection occured. Tommy's brother only looked and I cannot even recall his name although it may have been James. Their sister was probably about three years older and I seem to think her name was Mary. She eventualy came upstairs, ran the water amd made sure we had all the salt and sand rinsed away.
The next week we were at the local church to go to Confession, which was a big deal in the Catholic schools as the nuns often supervised us and kept track of who did and who did not receive the "Sacrament of Penance".
Tommy and I had waited together in line and I made what I later realised was a big mistake. In the confessional, somehow the fact that we had touched one another's penis slipped out and the Priest made a big thing about it. A part of my penance besides reciting some prayers, was to report to the rectory and wait for Father "S???" to arrive. I did go to the rectory and was soon sitting in a waiting room scared out of my wits. A few minutes later Tommy, who had followed me into the confessional joined me whispering that we were in real trouble.
The good father called us into his office when he got there and interviewed us back and forth. He soon demanded that we show him exactly what we had done. By exactly I mean we were soon standing there in shirts and socks with nothing in between. He suggested some things that we might have done that we had never thought of, and to be honest sounded gross. No, we both denied doing that, or that either.
So he decided that we both needed about ten swats with a paddle that conveniently materialised from somewhere behind his desk. We were also, once the crying stopped to join a group of altar boys that was to start a few weeks later. That would not only make our parents proud but help us avoid sin in the future.
Where that would have gone I never found out because my parents had bought a house in Levittown on Long Island about that time and we moved before I started the alter boy business. Naturally, I never mentioned either the touching or the after hours paddling on my bare behind to my mom and unfortuntely never saw Tommy or his brother again after we moved away.
That is all a preamble.
About a few months later I awoke in the middle of the night with this sticky fluid all over my stomach and the sheets. I had no idea what it was and only sensed that it must be something bad. I used a bathroom towel, changed my PJs and fortunately the fluid appeard to be dry enough by the morning. Within a few days, or weeks I discovered that I could create the same result, which, as you all suspect, felt remarkably excellent, by squeezing my shaft rhythmically and eventually I began to do so every day after school.
After the adventure with Tommy I began to think that it was not so smart to admit to anything but some random lewd thoughts when I went to the Saturday confession ceremony, a conclusion I may have fretted over for a while but I have never regretted since.
I am sure that it was at least two years before one afternoon while studying a freshman Biology textbook about reproductive systems in small multi celled species that it dawned on me what that fluid that I had been haphazardly spraying into a towel or a convenient toilet bowl was for !!! Amazing, but till then a hush hush secret.
I remember talking to one of my cousins about this a few weeks later as he had admitted to the same ejaculation situation and showing him the drawing in the Biology book.
But I never let on to another priest. Being full of the threats of eternal damnation, fire and brimstone from the nuns in school I knew it was something naughty that I simply could not avoid doing almost every day.
I mentioned in the previous post above that in later years I felt that during my teen years I occasionally had an unnecessary attack of backtalk that usually resulted in me being stretched bare assed over someone's lap with my behind being reddened. And that afterward I felt a sense of relief from some built up guilt. I think that some of that guilt was from the idea that I was committing a sin of monsterous proportions that could be expiated by being spanked, even if I had to openly precipitate that punishment myself.
Now the workings of the inner mind are just as often a mystery to the person as to his or her family, even to professionals, but sometime in my mid twenties I put this idea together as it seemed to explain some of my actions.
I suggest that the 10 year old girl might have had some guilt generating interactions and her pointing to that convenience store is as close as she can get to accusing her abuser.
She is only ten and probably has no clear idea beyond that some things are yucky and possibly sinful. Plus she may have initially experienced some pleasure in being caressed intimately somehow and that adds to the sense of guilt.
It may be wrong, but knowing what I do know now about human nature and how people react at times to these things I think it is plausable enough to be given some sincere consideration.
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