| Subject: Fetish vs. punishment |
Author:
Miss A
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 19:59:20 07/12/12 Thu
Since I was in grade school I was interested in spanking. I really didn't know what it meant and I'm not sure at that time that it was a fetish. My early years were pretty crappy. My father was not in my life. My mother didn't really care about me and although I admired my step-father there was a lot of friction between us.
My grandmother spanked me often and my mother did on occasion. I was no stranger to having my bottom burned. I didn't like it at all, in fact I resented it. My step-father yelled and I thought he was mean, but he never hit. He was in fact a gentle loving man and I believe he had a lot of pressure on him which made him appear unloving and mean. It was very complicated. I longed for him to just take matters in hand, turn me over his knees and beat my ass raw. It had nothing to do with a fetish that I know of.
What prompted me to write was the thread about the 10 year old girl who lied to get a spanking. I had a similar experience when I was about her age. I kept getting into bigger and bigger trouble and was grounded forever. I begged my step-dad to just get it over with and spank me. I begged him to. I reasoned with him, made deals with him, but he refused. I'm sure he had very good reason to not do it. More than getting off grounding, I knew I had caused him tremendous grief and it just snow balled and became worse and worse. My mom spanked me several times, as far as I know unknown to my step-father.
I don't know, but I think that I thought that if he would bare my bottom to my extreme embarrassment and shame, spanked me until I screamed and my butt was raw, I would have paid my dues, he would have gotten that anger and distance out of him and we would be close and he would be my father. It didn't happen and things got worse.
We grew distant, but in my teens he was always there to bail me out of whatever trouble I was in with distant disapproval and acceptance.
In my late teens we grew a little closer and had many heart to hearts. I really tried to be good and he really tried, I believe to forgive me, my mom and we came to a bit of an understanding. I had a huge debt to pay to him. Several times when we were alone I brought up the subject of spanking. I told him that my grandmother would spank me with a hairbrush. I tried to feel him out and drop hints that I still deserved, needed and desired a beating from him, but he didn't bite. I think he was too kind and gentle and cognitive a man to just let the beast come out in him. As far as I know he know I deserved it and would like to have given it to me.
For various reasons we grew apart and in the back or often front of my mind I still long to be over his knees for a well deserved beating and be hugged and forgiven by my 'daddy'.
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
