| Subject: The awkward question |
Author:
Uwe
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Date Posted: 06:27:43 02/15/17 Wed
Looking back on almost 30 years of consulting and talking to strict parents I have to say, that one point often was the main problem for a wide acceptance of childspanking in the society. The point is the fact that spanking children has not only a parental aspect but for many people is also a kind of erotic fetish. I think you all know this. The problem is that a lot of those people tend to fantasize about their erotic dreams and are not really honest and serious when they give statements about strict parenting. On the other side the big majority of parents (and non-parents too) think that those people will be necessarily abusers if they become real parents. So all spanking parents are blamed by this prejudice and are pushed more and more into a corner where they do not belong.
When I wrote for a magazine for strict parental discipline in the 1980's and 1990's we always had to deal with this subject. The best thing was when parents (mostly young moms) worte a letter to the magazine asking openly if it is pervert or abusive to have sexual feelings while spanking the children. But that did not happen very often. I then always tried to make clear that spanking children, especially little girls, is an absolutely natural and healthy thing as long as it is safe and does not cause serious physical consequences. My arguments always were evolutionary, but the imperative of the bible to spank children also does not express anything else as the experience of mankind over thousands of years. Children have to be formed in their character and the experience of pain, caused by their parents, strengthens their character and shows the way.
But why do some of us have sexual feelings while using the cane on a child? Is it pervert? Is it abusive? Definitely not. It is as natural as the feelings of the receiving part (the child). Some older children also develop a kind of sexual feelings after a spanking. That only shows us that we are doing the right thing. Nature has two different tools to motivate us to spank children whom we love. The first tool is anger. The child misbehaved and we spank him/her as a consequence. Because we are angry we spank hard. The other tool is a kind of sexual desire, caused by our hormons. It always existed and helped parents to be really strict with their children. Feelings like compassion, weakness, empathy are pushed a bit to the background and we feel able to have the kids suffer as much as it is necessary. Sure, both tools can lead to exaggeration. All parents should make sure not to exaggerate by setting some limits.
One of those young moms who wrote to the magazine was a stepmom, who had married a widower with two daughters, 3 and 5. He had become acquainted with her because of a personal ad in our magazine where he had been looking for a very strict new mom for his girls. I got in contact with the couple. She was a wonderfull wife and stepmom, who was very strict (using my dbp concept) and spanked her stepdaughters a lot. But her husband during the first time of their marriage thought that she could go even farer. But after a while he found out that it was not always so. Some week she was able to spank very hard, for example used the cane on the bare butt of her stepdaughters. But during other weeks she was not able to do that. The solution of the question about her varying ability was, that she always felt more able to spank very hard the week after she had menstruated. And she told me that her sexual desire after a menstruation (or even in between) was stronger than normal. But she also said that it was not arousing for her, to spank her stepdaughters. But she admitted that she loved it when her husband was happy that she had been that strict with the girls and desired her more than usual. He also loved to watch her while she was spanking the kids. I mention this because it shows clearly how sexuality influences our ability to be strict and to overcome our noemal motherly (or fatherly) feelings of protection and empathy for the child in a direct and indirect way. This is completely natural. Nature knows how to find solutions for things that must be done. So don't be shy about that. Try to take it as a natural human phenomenon, understand it as a help to do what is necessary and do not hesitate to take this help.
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